afraid to buy sn

[amnotreal]

I am in really bad pain right now. if I had sn I might use it but i really dont want to use it impulsivly i want things to be just right. I keep being very sick and having tons of pain i cant really stand at all that makes me very suicidal and i dont have an appointment for a specialist for diagnosis until march. i have a 8 year old and 12 year old kid so i really would luke to stay alive for them. at the same time i have had symptoms like this for at least 25 years and they keep getting progressivly worse. i have had tons of tests but not some specific tests that could find some things ten percent of women have like endometriosis. doctors keep being very condesending to me and i feel like i am going out of my mind and if this is normal pain and just part of having a female body then i really need to die. if i am this weak and menstrual pain lasts months normally and is worse than child birth then like i cant live in this world. but i dont have the means right now which all my doctors and therapists and psychiatrists know. while i wait until march just to talk to someone who might be willing to test me and see if i have that or other things similure but probably less common.

i dont know hwat tag would be right i feel really panicked and sytruggeling. i wish i had sn but really would not do that at home and not rigjht before christmas that would be horrible for my kids
i cant go to er for this pain tonight because i used cannabis and kratom and they will just blame it on drugs and er never helps much and usually makes me feel more like i am weak and need to die

i at least need to be very sober and while i never drink since i felt totally out of options and like i dont give a shit what problems there are with meds and alcohol now i am having eggnog with more rum than is probably healthy for me and i never drink really ever

i am going out of my mind

 

[edward77]

I am in really bad pain right now. if I had sn I might use it but i really dont want to use it impulsivly i want things to be just right. I keep being very sick and having tons of pain i cant really stand at all that makes me very suicidal and i dont have an appointment for a specialist for diagnosis until march. i have a 8 year old and 12 year old kid so i really would luke to stay alive for them. at the same time i have had symptoms like this for at least 25 years and they keep getting progressivly worse. i have had tons of tests but not some specific tests that could find some things ten percent of women have like endometriosis. doctors keep being very condesending to me and i feel like i am going out of my mind and if this is normal pain and just part of having a female body then i really need to die. if i am this weak and menstrual pain lasts months normally and is worse than child birth then like i cant live in this world. but i dont have the means right now which all my doctors and therapists and psychiatrists know. while i wait until march just to talk to someone who might be willing to test me and see if i have that or other things similure but probably less common.

i dont know hwat tag would be right i feel really panicked and sytruggeling. i wish i had sn but really would not do that at home and not rigjht before christmas that would be horrible for my kids
i cant go to er for this pain tonight because i used cannabis and kratom and they will just blame it on drugs and er never helps much and usually makes me feel more like i am weak and need to die

i at least need to be very sober and while i never drink since i felt totally out of options and like i dont give a shit what problems there are with meds and alcohol now i am having eggnog with more rum than is probably healthy for me and i never drink really ever

i am going out of my mind

really sorry to hear that. things may change for u and will have a better tomorrow. v dont know what happens to us tomorrow, so if there is some ray of hope left u should live for ur kids. Cant even imagine their situation. I am the opposite version of u. I am concerned about my parents just like u r about ur kids. But if u have already made up ur mind then go ahead hugs.

 

[amnotreal]

really sorry to hear that. things may change for u and will have a better tomorrow. v dont know what happens to us tomorrow, so if there is some ray of hope left u should live for ur kids. Cant even imagine their situation. I am the opposite version of u. I am concerned about my parents just like u r about ur kids. But if u have already made up ur mind then go ahead hugs.

so far my mind is to try and live until my youngest is living on her own and busy with her own life. it seems less horrible to her and i am hoping i will be in less pain by then and if i am not in less pain i hope she will understand why i did it. i love her so much. she is so wonderful. she asked her papa if i have cancer cuz she is worried about me and i am trying so hard not to let the kids be traumatized by how much pain i am in.

 

[amnotreal]

i drank alcohol and ate kratom and cannabvis and the pain is mellow enough to sleep and sober up and try and find a doctor to treat the pain
im such a suicidal mess of tears
so tired but i close my eyes to sleep and start sobbing to hard to sleep
this is the wrong time to ctb with young kids
i am in so much pain

 

[TheDevilsAngel]

I really feel for you... I've kids too and feel I can't leave until they are older. Thinking of you

 

[yetme]

. i have had tons of tests but not some specific tests that could find some things ten percent of women have like endometriosis. doctors keep being very condesending to me and i feel like i am going out of my mind and if this is normal pain and just part of having a female body then i really need to die. if i am this weak and menstrual pain lasts months normally and is worse than child birth then like i cant live in this world. but i dont have the means right now which all my doctors and therapists and psychiatrists know. while i wait until march just to talk to someone who might be willing to test me and see if i have that or other things similure but probably less common.

Hey,

I'm in the same position as you are, but at least I know the reason I'm dying . In my case it's a chronic intracellular infection.
So my suggestion to you is to try antibiotics and see if pain goes away or if any symptomes you have change.
You need to buy the following antibiotics (it's better if you order online without rx )
azithromycin 500mg
doxycycline 100mg

start taking azithro 500mg x 3 times a week. monday, wednesday, friday
doxycycline 100mg x 2 times a day. morning and evening. after food.

try and see if it helps. you need to take those for a month.

! Important thing! If you see that your symtopmes change - (even if the pain gets worse) then you have an infection and that's a reason behind your pains.

PS: f#ck doctos! they didn't help me and they will not help you. you need to start treating yourself.
PPS: also check info on MMS/CDS (magic mineral solution) it could help. I'm on CDS right now and it helps to ease the pains
Good luck!

 

[Meant2Die]

Hey,

I'm in the same position as you are, but at least I know the reason I'm dying . In my case it's a chronic intracellular infection.
So my suggestion to you is to try antibiotics and see if pain goes away or if any symptomes you have change.
You need to buy the following antibiotics (it's better if you order online without rx )
azithromycin 500mg
doxycycline 100mg

start taking azithro 500mg x 3 times a week. monday, wednesday, friday
doxycycline 100mg x 2 times a day. morning and evening. after food.

try and see if it helps. you need to take those for a month.

! Important thing! If you see that your symtopmes change - (even if the pain gets worse) then you have an infection and that's a reason behind your pains.

PS: f#ck doctos! they didn't help me and they will not help you. you need to start treating yourself.
PPS: also check info on MMS/CDS (magic mineral solution) it could help. I'm on CDS right now and it helps to ease the pains
Good luck!

Are you talking about Lyme or bartonella, or maybe Babesia as your infection? Bc that's what those antibiotics are for. I know since I have Lyme for 15 years and am currently on 250mls of intravenous Azithromicyn daily, along with IV rocephin and rifampin. doxy is a Lyme specific drug for the spirochete form (there are 3 forms of Lyme) and multiple coinfections.

Op, I would suggest you get tested for Lyme and read about it. If you have an old infection it might show up on the Elisa or Western blot test bc those test for antibodies and if you've had it for too long your immune system won't produce them anymore, so it wouldn't mean you don't have Lyme but just that the tests can't detect them. You'd have to find a LLDM (Lyme literate doc) who does an igenex test and that would def tell you.

 

[yetme]

Are you talking about Lyme or bartonella, or maybe Babesia as your infection? Bc that's what those antibiotics are for. I know since I have Lyme for 15 years and am currently on 250mls of intravenous Azithromicyn daily, along with IV rocephin and rifampin. doxy is a Lyme specific drug for the spirochete form (there are 3 forms of Lyme) and multiple coinfections.

forgot rifampin! op, you need to buy it also!

Meant2Die Yeah, I have Chlamydia pneumonia and Chlamydia trachomatis. both infections are antibiotic resistant, so I'm slowly dying in agony. I have the same symptoms as OP. sever joint pain, sever headaches, chest pains, can't breath. I've spent years and tons of money on doctors and various tests and I've been just diagnosed this year.
So my point is to try empiric antimicrobial therapy that covers most pathogens and see if it helps.
So azithro+doxy+rifampin should cover all possible intracellular bacteria. what do you reckon?

 

[amnotreal]

i know some of the specialists I am trying to see will test for lyme. i am going to at least try and wait until january before i try treating this myself and see how soon i can see specialists. i am afraid if i diy this that when i do see a specialist they may not treat me as well for not waiting for their advice and diagnosis and stuff. at this point i don't trust doctors and i have struggled to communicate effectivly with them. in first grade my wrist was broken and i never complained to anyone because i didn't know anything was wrong or that what i was experiencing was what people called pain. i thought it was all pretty normal and a teacher saw i couldnt hold a pencil to write with so i got sent to the nurse who had me sent to er where they diagnosed me. my therapist believes i am autistic and i have a dissociative disorder and c-ptsd from childhood stuff and the combination makes communicating to doctors difficult for me and over the years i have had pretty much every test gastroenterologist do and hardly been to any gynocologists at all but most i went to traumatized me and the first one told me the stabbing paimns i had were just gas. the gynocologist i go to now is pretty good. i have been tested for bacterial problems as well as fungal problems and was treated for possible candida related stuff because of elevated antibodies. it is months to see a specialist who can do laproscopy and my gynocologist and gp need to talk for me to get something like an mri but i had an ultrasound and a ct scan and urine tests and blood tests.

people who are not doctors keep telling me it seems like i have adhesions when i look up what would cause adhesions since it sure feels like my insides are stuck together the most likely cause for someone with my reproductive parts and lack of history of surgery is endometriosis and i happen to have so many symptoms of endometriosis i am a bit shocked that in 25 years of going to doctors not a single one has ever suggested it and when i did talk to my gynocologists he doesnt know much about it but wants me to get tested. she is a natural path and i trust her and she has done miracles for me to be honest but she cant help me much with this.

i have been trying to self medicate the pain with cannabis and kratom. last night whenn i felt suicidal after that i drank alcohol which i never do and it calmed me down enough to sleep for 3 hours before pain woke me up. the problem with cannabis and kratom is dry mouth makes it impossible for me to breathe nough to sleep somehow. im not feeling suicidal right now and when i do ctb i dont want it to be impulsive. i keep having really inetense impulsive urges. i dont even want to though i just want to stop hurting. i want to not be winded and exhausted constantly. i want to play with my kids and go hiking again and spend time in my garden.

forgot rifampin! op, you need to buy it also!

Meant2Die Yeah, I have Chlamydia pneumonia and Chlamydia trachomatis. both infections are antibiotic resistant, so I'm slowly dying in agony. I have the same symptoms as OP. sever joint pain, sever headaches, chest pains, can't breath. I've spent years and tons of money on doctors and various tests and I've been just diagnosed this year.
So my point is to try empiric antimicrobial therapy that covers most pathogens and see if it helps.
So azithro+doxy+rifampin should cover all possible intracellular bacteria. what do you reckon?

my main symptoms are not so much joint pain. i have severe back pain all up and down my spine and on my right shoulder. i do have two chipped vertebrae on my upper spine from a childhood injury that i have no memory of and arthritis on my upper spine as well. i also have issues with severe chronic constipation with bloating and at times also having diarrhea simultaneously where either nothing comes out but a tiny bit of liquid when obviously there is a lot more or i go all day long small hard rock like crap but about 3 months ago the constipation started getting much worse and reached a point where i took huge amounts of laxatives that did nothing and this wasnt from laxative abuse. before this i couldn't drink coffee and when i did use laxatives took a child dose. with help of my gynocologist i got that constipation to end after 2 months and started backing off laxatives but it seems like something inside me is making parts of my colon or intestines or something to narrow. if i stop taking laxatives and stop keeping it all very liquid the constipation problems instantly start to return to what they where previously. i have had issues like this 4 years ago that never really got all the way better but improved enough and really i was managing as well as i could but stress and poor diet choices during a huge power outage got me sick again and i have been sick like this for too long. my period makes it much worse. there is issues with urination as well as other poop related problems. my genitals hurt my ass hurts my torso hurts front and back pain radiats all over my torso but i keep getting stabbing pain on the right side of my groin and below my belly button and the right side of my belly button. im going out of my mind and trying to be stable for my kids while my spouse does almost everything because when i try and do anything i start sobbing from pain and fatigue.

 

[yetme]

i know some of the specialists I am trying to see will test for lyme. i am going to at least try and wait until january before i try treating this myself and see how soon i can see specialists. i am afraid if i diy this that when i do see a specialist they may not treat me as well for not waiting for their advice and diagnosis and stuff. at this point i don't trust doctors and i have struggled to communicate effectivly with them.

I don't get it. You are ready to commit suicide, but you are scared to try antibiotics. I've been on 4 abx protocol for a year, sometimes taking 5 different drugs. There's nothing to be afraid of. People with tuberculosis or chlamydia spend years on antibiotics.
The symptomes you have sound very much like a chronic infection. So antibiotics are worth a try. Anyway it's up to you.
I recommend you to check this website http://cpnhelp.org/ and see if some of the symtomes you have match those mentioned on the site.
good luck!

 

[amnotreal]

I don't get it. You are ready to commit suicide, but you are scared to try antibiotics. I've been on 4 abx protocol for a year, sometimes taking 5 different drugs. There's nothing to be afraid of. People with tuberculosis or chlamydia spend years on antibiotics.
The symptomes you have sound very much like a chronic infection. So antibiotics are worth a try. Anyway it's up to you.
I recommend you to check this website http://cpnhelp.org/ and see if some of the symtomes you have match those mentioned on the site.
good luck!

I dont want to take an antibiotic until i get tests and get the right ones. if i stay alive I want my body to be as comfortable and healthy as it can be. if i take the wrong antibiotic it can make everything worse, i dont want to die i want to stop hurting and want the pain to go away forever. antibiotics have risks. i also dont think my symptoms are the same as yours and dont think i have a urinary tract infection at all and doubt i have lym. I am pretty sure there is something physical going on having to do with reproductive organs and digestive tract and stuff. for staying alive i trust doctors more than strangers online with medical advice. i dont trust doctors a lot i have a lot of trauma with them but i trust them enough to wait.
my symptoms fit endometriosis better than any sort of bacterial infection

 

[pandora]

@amnotreal - your story sounds SO similar to mine! I only have one child (age 9), so I'm trying to wait for him to be older. I suffered from adenomyosis for almost 30 years before a doctor figured it out. The pain was almost unbearable: sometimes to the point that I would have to call in to work and stay home curled up in a ball with heating pads. And OMG the blood....it was like a freaking crime scene! And it would last two-three months which then caused iron deficiencies. Once I was diagnosed, I had a hysterectomy and that was amazing....the relief from the lack of pain!!!

I'm not trying to hijack your thread...just sharing that I went through something similar. I truly hope your doctors can resolve things; living with pain is excruciating.

 

[GrizzlyGrapefruit]

I'm sorry you're going through this. I'm not suffering from chronic pain, but I do know the absolute hell of having to live with chronic health problems.

Have you had these pains your whole life? If so, have you tried playing around with your diet? I know it sounds absurd, but I know two people who had life crippling health problems that greatly ameliorated their problems after identifying foods that would trigger their issues. It wasn't a cure, but I can now say that they live pretty comfortable lives relative to what they were living before. Might be worth a shot investigating.

I truly hope things ease up for you. Best of luck.

 

[Daffodil]

i am not a doctor or familiar w your circumstances but several women in my family have felt much better after a full hysterectomy

 

[amnotreal]

Have you had these pains your whole life? If so, have you tried playing around with your diet? I know it sounds absurd, but I know two people who had life crippling health problems that greatly ameliorated their problems after identifying foods that would trigger their issues. It wasn't a cure, but I can now say that they live pretty comfortable lives relative to what they were living before. Might be worth a shot investigating.

I truly hope things ease up for you. Best of luck.

I have had problems my entire life I don't know if these specific ones started before I was around age 15 or earlier. I have played around a lot with diet and for sure have a lot of trigger foods I have to avoid. I stopped trusting myself about those foods I think is part of why I have been in so much pain the past few months. and it doesn't sound absurd at all. When I am really careful about what I eat I feel much better than I do currently.