Heya, been on this forum for a little while but finally made an account yesterday.
Recently things have been going downhill rapidly, but knowing that there's a pretty much guaranteed way to go out has helped calm me down. The idea that I can choose to make everything stop whenever I need to is very calming and it's been helping with my anxiety a lot.
The only thing I'm scared of is what happens afterwards. What if hell is real and it's going to be even worse? What if spirits are real and you're left wandering the same world, with the same thoughts and memories and regrets, just without other people knowing? What if reincarnation is real? I don't want to do this all over again, whether I consciously know I was rebirthed or not. What if it's an endless void where all that's there is your regrets, and all you can do is think about all of your failures, being unable to change anything for the rest of eternity? What if committing suicide really will make the afterlife worse for you?
My ideal scenario after death would be to get to make your own little perfect world, just for you. I get to pick who's in it and who isn't, getting a do-over on certain aspects of my life, like a visual novel where I get to go back to a previous memory and choose a better option so it can replace the original bad memory with a good one.
I would try harder in school and not drop out.
I wouldn't tell my mom I hated her that one time.
I would stand up for my brother when my dad was choking him and my mom didn't do anything.
I wouldn't get into a serious relationship at age 13.
I don't know how to get over the fear of what happens after. I'm not scared of death itself at all, I'm quite looking forward to it now that I know of an easy and reliable way (SN). I just really don't want things to somehow be even worse in the end.
The only things keeping me here right now are the fact that I know people would be shattered to find out I'm not there anymore, and my fear of the afterlife.
Recently things have been going downhill rapidly, but knowing that there's a pretty much guaranteed way to go out has helped calm me down. The idea that I can choose to make everything stop whenever I need to is very calming and it's been helping with my anxiety a lot.
The only thing I'm scared of is what happens afterwards. What if hell is real and it's going to be even worse? What if spirits are real and you're left wandering the same world, with the same thoughts and memories and regrets, just without other people knowing? What if reincarnation is real? I don't want to do this all over again, whether I consciously know I was rebirthed or not. What if it's an endless void where all that's there is your regrets, and all you can do is think about all of your failures, being unable to change anything for the rest of eternity? What if committing suicide really will make the afterlife worse for you?
My ideal scenario after death would be to get to make your own little perfect world, just for you. I get to pick who's in it and who isn't, getting a do-over on certain aspects of my life, like a visual novel where I get to go back to a previous memory and choose a better option so it can replace the original bad memory with a good one.
I would try harder in school and not drop out.
I wouldn't tell my mom I hated her that one time.
I would stand up for my brother when my dad was choking him and my mom didn't do anything.
I wouldn't get into a serious relationship at age 13.
I don't know how to get over the fear of what happens after. I'm not scared of death itself at all, I'm quite looking forward to it now that I know of an easy and reliable way (SN). I just really don't want things to somehow be even worse in the end.
The only things keeping me here right now are the fact that I know people would be shattered to find out I'm not there anymore, and my fear of the afterlife.
