Afraid I won't find peace

[RaccoonTrash]

I only recently discovered these forums after spending most of my time trying to end myself unsuccessfully in my past. With the attention now being paid here and the chances going up every day I hesitate that I won't be able to acquire what I need to peacefully exit, I just live in constant fear. I have the means but the fear of another failure, of it being caught or screened, of people showing up at my door to lock me away in some padded room when I just want and deserve an end to my life is too much. I've gotten close enough to feel the peace of rest only to be ripped back into the horror that is my life and what I have done, so many times now that it just feels like I am waking up in a worse hell each time.

I feel like the only way out is violent and painful and I just don't want to hurt anymore, or hurt anyone else by having to discover the mess of what is left of me.

 

[FuneralCry]

We all have the right to exit at a time of our own choosing, and nobody else should have any say in it. Saving someone from a suicide attempt is just prolonging their suffering. We all deserve the option of a peaceful exit at a time of our own choosing, suicide should not be so stigmatised. Nobody should have to die a painful death. It isn't as if we asked to be here in the first place. This life really can be horrible. I hope you find the peace you are looking for.

 

[GentleJerk]

When you say 'hesitate that I wont be able to acquire what I need to peacefully exit' I don't know what exactly you are referring to, but I want to say that you should just go for it. I was very skeptical and worrying about the same thing but in the end I found getting what I need to be the easy part.

 

[Depressed Cat]

I understand that you have tried to CTB a few times by relatively peaceful means in the past but failed due to some reason or the other.

This is making you believe the only way to make a final exit is through a violent and painful method. It doesn't have to be so!

Please don't resort to a violent and painful method if you're uncomfortable with it! Even such methods have chances of failing and causing severe permanent damage. Everyone has a right to make a peaceful exit at the time of his/her own choosing.

In my humble opinion, you should continue to seek an exit through a relatively peaceful method.

I'm sorry to hear about your continued suffering and failed attempts. I wish you the best and hope you find peace.

 

[onceinthefuturewas]

Perhaps your attempts have failed because there might be something better for you in the future?