I'm going to get straight to it. I'm a closeted gay (previously I wouldn't have even been able to type this into my phone and acknowledge it, but here we are.)
Before I kill myself, I told myself to do everything I haven't before. One of them being to have sex. I found a kind guy on Grindr (rare) and we decided to meet up. However, when I arrived in his area, I started to have a panic attack and walk around the streets for 30 minutes whilst he was waiting, expecting me to arrive. I started to tell him a bit about what was happening and tried to reschedule the hookup until the morning/cancel. He noticed something was going on and came on to the streets to try and find me. As I was going to leave, I turned around and he was there asking me what's going on. I was speechless. He offered me a joint and he took me back to his. I was shaking, speechless and couldn't process anything that he was saying.
He managed to calm me down a bit, and somehow we ended up in bed. I started shaking really badly again. He did everything he could to try make me comfortable and we eventually went for it. I couldn't get hard, but I was the bottom in this occasion anyway. It ended up being fine.
Afterwards, we showered, and I ordered us food. We lay on his sofa and cuddled, and it just felt so nice.
He said we could meet up again, go out for food, and even go stay at a hotel sometime. But he said that he wouldn't message me first.
It's been a week and I want to meet him sometime again. I haven't really messaged him much since. He messaged the day after asking if I wanted to go to a restaurant but I lied in embarassment of the night before and said I wasn't in the city anymore.
He will be leaving the country for 6 weeks, sometime next week, and I feel like if I don't meet him in a few days, he will forget I exist. I plan to kill myself on NYE anyways, but this will just make me upset.
Is it too late to message him 1 week after? (now). I'm in a terrible mental state right now and would have liked to have waited a bit longer, but Christmas is here ruining everything. I fear if I meet him again, I'll have another panic attack and my mind will go blank.
I really hoped that the psychiatrist would prescribe me some meds for anxiety this week for this reason, but all I got was another referral.
I would really appreciate someone's advice on what to do. I'm not seeking a relationship, just a FWB, kind of. I'm just so upset about the situation
Before I kill myself, I told myself to do everything I haven't before. One of them being to have sex. I found a kind guy on Grindr (rare) and we decided to meet up. However, when I arrived in his area, I started to have a panic attack and walk around the streets for 30 minutes whilst he was waiting, expecting me to arrive. I started to tell him a bit about what was happening and tried to reschedule the hookup until the morning/cancel. He noticed something was going on and came on to the streets to try and find me. As I was going to leave, I turned around and he was there asking me what's going on. I was speechless. He offered me a joint and he took me back to his. I was shaking, speechless and couldn't process anything that he was saying.
He managed to calm me down a bit, and somehow we ended up in bed. I started shaking really badly again. He did everything he could to try make me comfortable and we eventually went for it. I couldn't get hard, but I was the bottom in this occasion anyway. It ended up being fine.
Afterwards, we showered, and I ordered us food. We lay on his sofa and cuddled, and it just felt so nice.
He said we could meet up again, go out for food, and even go stay at a hotel sometime. But he said that he wouldn't message me first.
It's been a week and I want to meet him sometime again. I haven't really messaged him much since. He messaged the day after asking if I wanted to go to a restaurant but I lied in embarassment of the night before and said I wasn't in the city anymore.
He will be leaving the country for 6 weeks, sometime next week, and I feel like if I don't meet him in a few days, he will forget I exist. I plan to kill myself on NYE anyways, but this will just make me upset.
Is it too late to message him 1 week after? (now). I'm in a terrible mental state right now and would have liked to have waited a bit longer, but Christmas is here ruining everything. I fear if I meet him again, I'll have another panic attack and my mind will go blank.
I really hoped that the psychiatrist would prescribe me some meds for anxiety this week for this reason, but all I got was another referral.
I would really appreciate someone's advice on what to do. I'm not seeking a relationship, just a FWB, kind of. I'm just so upset about the situation
