Help Advice on LSD/letting go....

[LittleJem]

So my depression was getting quite bad again - crying all day, suicidal thoughts etc....so I decided to try the megadose of LSD again. This time I did: some Ketamine, MDMA and I think 3 tabs of LSD (though it was possibly two as my bf found one in the bed afterwards). I was feeling pretty desperate with the depression. The LSD was fine - I felt pretty consistently miserable (!) like I was before the trip, but on the trip, and the LSD showed me lots of vision things about kind of infinity and God stuff and all that, but I was just watching it and not particularly interested in it. There was one cool bit where it got a bit more trippy in a nice way, then most of it my brain was still in a bad mood even though I had given it a lot of drugs. (I never used to take drugs when I was younger - it's all now to try and escape the hell of depression).

From what I have read, LSD is the most helpful if you have an experience of emotional release or one of transcendence. Well, I did cry a bit, but it wasn't my emotions if that makes sense....I don't feel like I found some well of grief or something within the numbness I usually feel - which I think is some kind of autism (unless it's ptsd), but maybe autism a bit. I saw lots of visions, but when I saw them most of me just thinks F**k you God for all the suffering, so I don't really let go into some kind of transcendent state.

Any thoughts welcome as to how do you get to the transcendence/emotional release bit?

I think my best bet is trying more of the stuff next time to see if my brain can let go on more of it. Like for example, at the end of the trip, I was listening to cheerful music and I could tell it could be enjoyable, but I was kind of miserable and tired and deciding nothing was going to change. Or maybe the music was wrong or it should have been on headphones (which is what the guidance advises, but I had it in the room playing) so it would have been more powerful on headphones. Can anyone recommend any music for tripping?

Some people think you can rewire your brain a bit on LSD - and I do feel better now than I did before the LSD, though still not perfect or great, but something....

I also found another playlist to try next time...

PS as usual I don't recommend this dose - it is just desperation! But I think I will take more next time...

 

[Giraffey]

A colleague of mine has run studies to examine the phenomenology of LSD and other psychedelic hallucinations including what outside influences play a role in prophetic hallucinations versus bad trips versus visual or musical hallucinations and the respective imagery etc.

So the following is from my understanding as a researcher and occasional user in a research setting, not as a regular user - there is much debate and there are other perspectives so none of this is 'gospel'. Also, it's very late here so forgive me if some of this is lacking sense...

The first thing I notice is that you're taking a drug cocktail, try to avoid doing that; clinically speaking it doesn't increase the vividness or spiritual qualities of the imagery or subjective experience, it does, however, make controlling the experience you do have more difficult. You can also end up in a situation where you have competing stimulant and depressive effects and it's just not permissive to manipulation. The second thing I notice is you're taking a fairly high dose of LSD; try to avoid that temptation. There is a limit to increasing the intensity of your experience and a high dose just increases the risk of side-effects, complications and abreactions.

Think about your set and setting. Your expectations and state of mind going into the experience will influence what you get out of it, as will the location of your trip. Think about the tribes that use psychedelics, part of the reason they precede their dose with a ceremony or ritual is to put them in a certain state of mind. Classical music is often played whilst patients are dosing in a clinical or research setting because it's known to calm and soothe. There are numerous other examples that have been documented in the literature.

So don't expect to create a spiritual or prophetic experience taking drugs whilst slumped on your bed or in a chair watching TV or listening to heavy metal, it's certainly possible, but spending a little time to create the right atmosphere and state of mind, sticking to a single psychedelic and lowering your dose a little are all changes you can make to your next attempt to better your odds. I'm not a regular user but if you need any more perspective from a research side of things then just give me a shout and I'm happy to elaborate or refer you on to the relevant literature if you prefer.

 

[kovkay]

Also make sure to build up your tolerance. You don't want to be taking this stuff too often, it dilutes the experience.

 

[LittleJem]

Thank you - that's all really helpful.

Re the dose - I have a fair bit of experience with lower doses and they dont' produce any lasting effect for me. I was luckier with a higher dose a few months before lockdown. I was.a bit nervous about the higher dose so I was hoping the MDMA would be a safety net of happiness or something. But it doesn't work that well on me.

I would say I am still feeling less depressed again since this trip, but I am still pretty depressed. I have pretty much given up that anything will make this better. I mean next time I could take 5 x the trip for LSD and I think I will still be depressed because I was made this way.

@kovkay thank you. I don't take it more than once a week or maybe with more of a gap between it. The last time was a few weeks ago now.
@SlowMo I would like links to the literature. I have read a fair bit of it myself. This time I had a playlist by Mendel Kaelen which was great, but perhaps I should have put it on headphones.

 

[clayp]

Dunno if I commented here or not, but be careful with lsd. As we depressed people with mental issues can have a really bad trip on it.

 

[timf]

You might not obtain the result you are looking for. Increasing amounts and adding types might be considered a focused effort while transcendence is more of a letting go.

Even achieving a purgative emotional release may not free you from depression. It can be tempting to consider that there may be some way to break through and be rid of depression. However, shattered expectations may even make depression worse.

You may want to hedge your bets. While you are experiemnting with ways to break through, you may wish to also experiment with other approaches. For example, sometimes helping someone else can, if not cure depression, at least distract or minimize it for a while. If you were to read to an elderly person for an hour a week, you might find that you could get several hours where the depression fades somewhat. Such an experiment would not require too much and might give you a depression management tool you could add to your tool box.

 

[timeisnigh]

shattered expectations may even make depression worse

Always remember The Mind Fuck

 

[dundyfundy]

I tried lsd/shrooms/mdma as well only for the healing purposes, with the hope it will help me feel a little better after, or discover something about myself and help me move on. Unfortunately from small to higher doses didn't help, all it made me want to do is party / listen to music. Even shrooms at high dose (5g). I still could tell I wasn't happy but didn't care "for now". Towards the end of it started caring. And next day seratonin gets depleted and makes you feel worse than usual, no clarity/discovery some other speak of. I am planning on trying ket as last resort as there seems to be loads of clinical trials going around with it and depression, but not holding my breath.

It might be that the setting wasn't right, but I always tried focusing on "discovering" myself, finding a way or how to move on. And always made me end up want to switch on some music and just vibe to it rather than do anything else.

As others also advised be very careful taking anything, make sure you don't have any underlying clinically diagnosed psychotic conditions, as it could potentially bring those out I read.