Help Advice on how to get past hurting my parents?

[worthlessscum]

How am I supposed to kill myself knowing my parents will grieve for the rest of their lives? I just feel so guilty I don't know how to go through with it.

 

[Zoltiel]

They will grieve for a few months, but then just move on like with everything else in life.

 

[LavenderMemories]

This is something I struggle with immensely. Its really the reason that I'm still here.

I just tell myself that my family is full of strong people. They will survive. They will have each other. I can't keep suffering to appease others.. and that hopefully, one day, they will understand that this was for the best. Maybe one day they will be happy that I am finally at peace.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

For me, it's possible because the pain is more intolerable than the guilt, and I am positive my situation is not going to get better but in fact worse.

It also helps for me that my parents rejected me for calling out their abuse. If they were supportive and demonstrated that they loved me, I would feel tortured about my decision. Even so, I still love them, I know they are going to hurt, and because they are my next of kin and I have no one to be an executor, they are going to have to deal with all the details. I don't wish that on them and it really hurts to know how they will suffer, especially as they are old, but it's not torturous like it would be if they hadn't already shunned me years ago.

I hear your pain. I am so sorry you are suffering. I responded to your other post as well. If it would help to talk about your situation, there's lots of support here. It's not just a site for making cbt happen, it's a place to talk through all the things impacting you, and to get help making the best choices you can. Each person and situation is unique, and people here listen and care.

They will grieve for a few months, but then just move on like with everything else in life.

So hard to know how to respond to that. I almost did a hmpf! react. But I'm asking myself why you would say that, and all I can think is that it sounds like it comes from a place of numb depression, and/or that your parents have really hurt you. I could be wrong, I'm not trying to define you to yourself, I'm just trying to come from a place of responding compassionately instead of reacting to a provocative statement. Your statement sounds like hurt - do you need to talk about it? Maybe start a thread? I'll listen.

 

[Wayfaerer]

Write them a note absolving them of all blame. If it's bad enough, then it wouldn't stop you. Maybe it's a sign that you still have hope?

 

[Fragile]

you just have to accept it or keep on living to not hurt them. the reality is simple, if they have any love for you then they will suffer tremendously, no other way around it. they may move on but it will take time and some people never fully recover from this.

i'm struggling with this myself, i know that i can't live for others, i already made that mistake and i got so close to my family that my passing will destroy their lives even more, but i'm getting so ill both mentally and physically that i'll end up hurting them more in the long run, not to mention that i don't want to endure any more of this.

one way to "get over past it" will be to look at it in the grand scheme of things, it may be cruel but your parents will only live for so long, in say 50 years no one will remember you, plus once you are dead you will suffer no longer in any way so none of this will affect you. many more people will die this way and hurt many others, almost 1 million suicides a year and the number is growing, you are only one of those.

this is really one of the worst feelings to have to deal with.

 

[AlreadyGone]

you just have to accept it or keep on living to not hurt them. the reality is simple, if they have any love for you then they will suffer tremendously, no other way around it. they may move on but it will take time and some people never fully recover from this.

i'm struggling with this myself, i know that i can't live for others, i already made that mistake and i got so close to my family that my passing will destroy their lives even more, but i'm getting so ill both mentally and physically that i'll end up hurting them more in the long run, not to mention that i don't want to endure any more of this.

one way to "get over past it" will be to look at it in the grand scheme of things, it may be cruel but your parents will only live for so long, in say 50 years no one will remember you, plus once you are dead you will suffer no longer in any way so none of this will affect you. many more people will die this way and hurt many others, almost 1 million suicides a year and the number is growing, you are only one of those.

this is really one of the worst feelings to have to deal with.

This. I could not have said it better myself.

 

[goomsoom]

I am also struggling with this dilemma but ctb will be better than becoming a burden on them. Eventually they will move on.

 

[BPD Barbie]

Pff this is an age old question that nobody can really have the answer to sadly. For me, I know it will hurt them, but they are the reason I am like I am. Granted, they have grown and changed as have I, and they aren't the same people they were when I was a child. In my eyes, I have to do this for myself, I can't think of anyone else anymore, plus they are elderly and I know they don't have long left anyway so they won't be all that far behind me. Despite what they did to me as a child, they are my parents, I will always love them and I am sorry I will hurt them. As long as they understand my reasonings, I am satisfied.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

If they love you it will hurt them immensely and they will never get over it. There is no way around that. You just have to accept the gravity of what you contemplate. It's harsh and not what you want to hear but it's the truth.

 

[Circlingthedrain]

I get this completely. Hard thing to overcome if its even possible. For me I consider myself a toxic person whose had a detrimental effect on anyone I'm close too. Still doesnt make it much easier, no matter how flawed you may be as a person your parents will always look past it, especially in memory. It kinda depends how sure you are it's what you want to do and the hope that one day they'll understand how much you were suffering

 

[Soulstax]

I approach this dilemma logically. Everyone will die. When you die, your fears and desires and memories will no longer exist. Eventually your parents will also die, and their fears and desires and memories will also no longer exist. In a thousand years, noone will even remember you or your parents. On a cosmic scale noone of this will really matter, and after you ctb it certainly won't be your problem anymore either. That's the cold reality of truth, and weirdly enough it gives me comfort.

 

[Carina]

Here's the thing... most people, as in probably almost all, will grieve for a while, then be over it, then they'll remember good times, maybe be a little sad with some things, but just not linger.

Are all like that? No of course not, some may never really get over a loss, it could eat at them for a long time. People in my family grieve almost like it happened yesterday for 50+ years, which isn't really healthy (and I totally don't take after them thankfully).


To me though, when it's your time, it doesn't matter. You won't care if they will be sad for a day or a lifetime. It just won't matter to you. It won't even be a concern.

 

[Zoltiel]

So hard to know how to respond to that. I almost did a hmpf! react. But I'm asking myself why you would say that, and all I can think is that it sounds like it comes from a place of numb depression, and/or that your parents have really hurt you. I could be wrong, I'm not trying to define you to yourself, I'm just trying to come from a place of responding compassionately instead of reacting to a provocative statement. Your statement sounds like hurt - do you need to talk about it? Maybe start a thread? I'll listen.

Someone on this forum who knew parents who lost a child to suicide said that's what happened.

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

I've already seen them crying because they found out about my intentions to ctb. What I only had in mind turnt into reality. Never wanted to see them cry. But what is done is done. It hurts a lot.

 

[issyishere]

i don't think it's possible to not hurt your parents. families are usually devastated by suicide and never recover. i just hope my mind ceases to exist so i won't be witness to it

 

[1DayItWillBover]

Wait for them to pass first is the only thing i can really say. I was at work one time and my mom called me saying she was in the hospital and she got emotional even though she was just light headed and nothing was serious. While she was talking to me the only thing that was on my mind was that i can finally kill myself without hurting her.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Someone on this forum who knew parents who lost a child to suicide said that's what happened.

I really appreciate that you clarified. Thank you.

 

[Jean4]

If you need to ask, then it isn't your time. If it was, the thoughts of hurting your parents wouldn't matter.

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

They already know I'm suicidal so I feel my ctb will have less impact on them.

 

[freedommatrix]

It's interesting that in almost every other situtation, a person emotions are not prioritized. If a gay gay comes out and devastates his religious family, people would tell the gay guy that it's there issue for not accepting him.

But with suicide, it seems that it's a persons responsibility to make sure that others don't grieve. Why is that?

 

[TAW122]

I don't think it is possible to go through without ever hurting one's parents (in almost all cases, barring neglectful or abusive parents). They will always feel sadness and pain as well as questioning themselves on what they could have done, what they could have said, or even blaming themselves for not raising me better. The best one can do is to have a note explaining their circumstances and situation and trying to comfort them, then making sure that one minimizes the impact of their CTB (location, time, and method) such as not doing it at their home, or in manners that would upset them further (keep in mind I am not saying that one should go for one location over another or choose a different method, but those are just factors that would affect their reactions post-CTB).

As far as one is concerned, once one are gone, it becomes the problem for the living rather than the dead. It would be (near) impossible to never have them hurt, but the best one can do is to mitigate the pain the best one can and then whatever happens, will happen (but one wouldn't be around anymore so it's no longer relevant to the dead).