Advice about girlfriend

[Hollow men]

Hi everyone,
I have an amazing girlfriend, she is smart, loyal and beautiful. We've been together for five years and when we started she was mentally in a very bad place. Luckily, I was able to support her and help her and now she is fine.
The problem is...me. For the last two years my life has been hell, I have chronic back pain, heavy anxiety and depression. Even though I finished collegue, I'm not able to work because I can't even leave my house. My gilfriend has been incredibly supporting, and she is always trying to help, but she just can't. I'm really fucked up and it hurts me to make her life so miserably. I've openly talked with her about killing myself, and she says that it would mean killing her too. I just don't know what to do, I don't want to hurt her, but I'm not being able to get better and I just want to off myself. Any advice? Sorry for the bother, and thank you

 

[MeltingHeart]

Have you exhausted every available treatment (conventional & alternative) , meds (some will argue they don't do any good- but sometimes the right one can help some people), therapy , rehabilitation regime- for both yr back pain & depression, if the anxiety & deprssuon started just two years ago do u know what the trigger was? Or is it a side effect of yr back pain?

 

[Hollow men]

Have you exhausted every available treatment (conventional & alternative) , meds (some will argue they don't do any good- but sometimes the right one can help some people), therapy , rehabilitation regime- for both yr back pain & depression, if the anxiety & deprssuon started just two years ago do u know what the trigger was? Or is it a side effect of yr back pain?

I've been going to a therapist for 6 months or so, and it's been a waste of time. At first I thought that the back pain was caused by the anxiety, but currently I'm going to another doctor just in case it's the contrary. I think it's been a mix of different problems. Mentally, I have a perfectionist disorder (I don't know if it's called like that in English) but I have been like that al my life, thanks to that I've had success in a lot of things: best grades of my promotion, competed in boxing etc... But now, there are goals that I can't get (I hate myself for it, as I cannot avoid to feel like a failure even I'm not) and that mixed with the awful back pain (which may be fybromialgia, there are a lot of people in my family with it) has led me to depression.
I've always been strong and confident, and I feel like trash for being as weak as I'm currently. My girlfriends still loves me, the problem is that I'm unable to accept myself. So yeah, I think it's a mix between physical problems and my own self-punishment for not being as good as I feel I had the potential to be, and I really don't know how to get better. I'm a very rational person and I won't kill myself impulsively without having tried everything, but man... It's so hard living with yourself when you feel like an absolute failure, sometimes I cannot even breathe.

 

[Feelingsruiner]

I pretty much could have written this post. Great boyfriend since 5 years, always there for me, and me -depressed anxious girl with health problems (breathing kinda ones, real fun too)- unable to work and feeling like a burden and terrible failure. Even more now that he has hard times trying to hide that I make him sad. Trying everything to get better but contemplating CTB someday if nothing works.
I am really sorry that I have no advice but I sympathize.

 

[Dawgmom]

Don't give up! I don't understand the severity of your issues but I think sometimes it's worth trying to take a break from medical opinions and just do what makes you happy. In my case, therapy just triggered me because I felt like no one understood me. All I ended up doing was focussing on what I couldn't do or couldn't have. I quit counseling because I decided that I knew better than anyone about what I needed. I started doing the things that were the least anxiety-provoking and bought an inversion table for my back (you lay on it and hang upside down and it stretches your spine and muscles). Some days I stayed in bed, some days I watch TV or played video games, and sometimes I sat on my porch in the sun.

Just my 2 cents. Maybe find something you love and do it. A lot of people stay home but get creative with ways to be happy.

 

[readytogonow]

I've been going to a therapist for 6 months or so, and it's been a waste of time. At first I thought that the back pain was caused by the anxiety, but currently I'm going to another doctor just in case it's the contrary. I think it's been a mix of different problems. Mentally, I have a perfectionist disorder (I don't know if it's called like that in English) but I have been like that al my life, thanks to that I've had success in a lot of things: best grades of my promotion, competed in boxing etc... But now, there are goals that I can't get (I hate myself for it, as I cannot avoid to feel like a failure even I'm not) and that mixed with the awful back pain (which may be fybromialgia, there are a lot of people in my family with it) has led me to depression.
I've always been strong and confident, and I feel like trash for being as weak as I'm currently. My girlfriends still loves me, the problem is that I'm unable to accept myself. So yeah, I think it's a mix between physical problems and my own self-punishment for not being as good as I feel I had the potential to be, and I really don't know how to get better. I'm a very rational person and I won't kill myself impulsively without having tried everything, but man... It's so hard living with yourself when you feel like an absolute failure, sometimes I cannot even breathe.

I went to 3 different therapists during the last 6 years. Two of them were a complete waste of time, but I really like the one I'm going now. So, if you can, I would recommend trying to find another therapist, someone that can actually understand your mental health issues and physical pain. Also, there are many branches of psychology and different types of therapies, so maybe there is one out there that is better suited for your needs.

Another possibility is going to a shrink and taking medication… don't know how you'd feel about that. Personally, I have mixed feelings, but meds helped me when I first realized I was depressed.

I'm here if you need to talk it out.

 

[Hollow men]

Don't give up! I don't understand the severity of your issues but I think sometimes it's worth trying to take a break from medical opinions and just do what makes you happy. In my case, therapy just triggered me because I felt like no one understood me. All I ended up doing was focussing on what I couldn't do or couldn't have. I quit counseling because I decided that I knew better than anyone about what I needed. I started doing the things that were the least anxiety-provoking and bought an inversion table for my back (you lay on it and hang upside down and it stretches your spine and muscles). Some days I stayed in bed, some days I watch TV or played video games, and sometimes I sat on my porch in the sun.

Just my 2 cents. Maybe find something you love and do it. A lot of people stay home but get creative with ways to be happy.

Yeah, I bought an inversion table too last year. I think it would be good to find some work I can do at home, to feel like I'm doing something productive and I'm not a burden. If anyone has any ideas it would be helpful, I'm thinking maybe something about legal translation or an administrative job I can do from my laptop (I have a law degree and I speak Spanish, English and some Russian). Any ideas are welcome lol

I went to 3 different therapists during the last 6 years. Two of them were a complete waste of time, but I really like the one I'm going now. So, if you can, I would recommend trying to find another therapist, someone that can actually understand your mental health issues and physical pain. Also, there are many branches of psychology and different types of therapies, so maybe there is one out there that is better suited for your needs.

Another possibility is going to a shrink and taking medication… don't know how you'd feel about that. Personally, I have mixed feelings, but meds helped me when I first realized I was depressed.

I'm here if you need to talk it out.

Thank you¡ I just feel like doctors, or at least the ones I have experience with, try to fit you into patterns, and when you don't fit they don't know what to do. My therapist was constantly blaming my family for how I am because I had a weird childhood (they are Jehova's witnesses, kind of a christian "cult") but that has definetely nothing to do with my problems. I told her over and over, but she wouldn't believe me so... I don't know, I guess it also depends on how lucky you are with your therapist. Thanks for your support, and same goes for you, if you need anything feel free to PM :)

 

[Dawgmom]

Yeah, I bought an inversion table too last year. I think it would be good to find some work I can do at home, to feel like I'm doing something productive and I'm not a burden. If anyone has any ideas it would be helpful, I'm thinking maybe something about legal translation or an administrative job I can do from my laptop (I have a law degree and I speak Spanish, English and some Russian). Any ideas are welcome lol

Thank you¡ I just feel like doctors, or at least the ones I have experience with, try to fit you into patterns, and when you don't fit they don't know what to do. My therapist was constantly blaming my family for how I am because I had a weird childhood (they are Jehova's witnesses, kind of a christian "cult") but that has definetely nothing to do with my problems. I told her over and over, but she wouldn't believe me so... I don't know, I guess it also depends on how lucky you are with your therapist. Thanks for your support, and same goes for you, if you need anything feel free to PM :)

There are places online - UpWorks is one - that you can list your skills and they connect you with clients. I guess it's like an online temp service and they get a cut. Same with Monster.com (I think). Then there's places like Fiverr and several others you can check out (just search fiverr and you'll find several various).

I think the big things I realized about doctors is that its to their benefit for you to be sick. Because I think everyone is a nut but only some of us want it certified. I mean, think about world leaders - they're all off their bean yet look how powerful and popular they are. They all need help more than we do!

Try to learn to like yourself and make some cash doing something you can have fun at that doesn't seem so much like a job. Have you seen all those people on YouTube who make thousands every week by posting food or product reviews and other nonsense? It's unbelievable!

Sometimes you need to give yourself some grace and take a break from looking for what caused you to be you. That way you can decide what things you like about yourself and accept the rest and make peace with it. You don't have to forget it but you don't have to let it hold you back, either. There's good in everything, even if you can't see it.