Adopted into another culture can that work- or is it pretty inevitable to turn „insane“

[Ashley_1988]

Adopted into another culture can that work- or is it pretty inevitable to turn "insane"

So I don´t know if that topic fits here or if here are some of you who can relate. Nevertheless I just feel writing that down.

When I was about 12 month old I was getting adopted from ethipia into a German family. I had to face racism form a very young age on, but had never people around me who could really tell me how to deal with that kind of hate. Since my parents are white and nearly everyone around me was white so yes..i was always the only black kid with the white parents. They wanted to support me but telling your kid how got beaten up in the school to just ignore them or, that I just should not care to match about racial slurs since people bully only in order to make their selfs feel better. It is not enough they never had any idea how that hurts was that does to you as a child if you are told to get back where you coming from like I choose to live here right??..

When I got older in particular during my time at the university I got to know also other black people in particular immigrants from Africa. But for them I was always seen as not Ethiopian but German. It was not just the lack of relating to their culture, it was more about the everyday challenges that they had to face without a German ID. Sorry I wont do a thesis about Africans in Germany but I wanted just to outline that I am aware of my position and that I am aware I have some privileges other "africans" don´t have.

Anyway it the reality was I was not seen as a part of the ethipian community but also no part of the German culture..it was like there is no fucking space where I can got and just be.

Many Ethiopians as well es Germans told me to be happy about my situation, to be thankful..vor all that opportunity's I am having..

Thankful for what? not belonging to any culture, to always feel like not having a right to even breath the same air as the average person? For being mentally ill for years? Having to face racism on daily basis- but not having a community around that will get you and can to relate to that pain. Since in their eyes I am just a German person, who happens to look African. Even I know it is silly to think like that - but sometimes I think it would be better to still live in ethiopia in poverty instant of being here and always getting explained that I am not welcome here. yes but sometimes I feel that way even when I know it is childish and I should appreciate it, appreciate the possibility I have here but. Sometimes it's just fucking hard. And it its eating my alive..

does someone can relate?


(and Sorry for my English..school was a long time ago..)

 

[forever21]

Hi,
although I was not adopted, I can relate to have two different cultures fighting with each other.
My parents are Russians and we moved to Germany when I was 4.
I'm white but speak with an accent, so I get asked almost immediately where I come from. I got also mocked in school up to 12th grade for having my accent. To a point where I hated reading things in school out loud.
I haven't experienced outside of this much rasicm as I have a German name and appearance. I hope you are in a safe city, I don't know if you're still in germany, and don't get targeted by extremists because of you being black.
I was told by my parents to be grateful for them providing me such a opportunity with a great and free education system.
But they don't see me struggle.
I don't fit in in either community. A German doesn't see me as a German and a Russian doesn't see me as a Russian.
Your situation being adopted is quite unique. I think your feelings are totally normal for someone having experienced this.
Do you feel "normal" in terms of friendships, jobs, etc?
I thought if I could achieve all this, it would be a sign that I "made" it.
I know a few people whose parents are foreign but the children are born here. A aquantence of mine is "visibly" Turkish and is born here. She tried to merge her two sides together as there both make up her personality.
I think it kind of depends how well your parents manage to integrate both parts.
Wishing to stay in Ethiopia is perfactably understandably for me as I think Your parents being German couldn't give you a part of Ethiopian culture.
I also sometimes felt it would be better for me to stay in Russia because my parents are very negative towards German culture.
It feels for me although theoretically I have all the privileges of germany but can't use them, if it makes sence?

 

[Sensei]

I had a friend with South Korean heritage whom was adopted to my country. He didn't feel that he belonged anywhere either. However, he felt at peace when he hung out with other adoptees with South Korean heritage in a local chapter of a national association. (I was actually invited to one of their parties without knowing what it was all about. It turned out I was the only one who wasn't adopted there, which was a strange and enlightening experience. They called me "the North Korean" throughout the whole evening.) Maybe there's a similar association for Ethiopian adopetees in your country?

 

[Ashley_1988]

Hi,
although I was not adopted, I can relate to have two different cultures fighting with each other.
My parents are Russians and we moved to Germany when I was 4.
I'm white but speak with an accent, so I get asked almost immediately where I come from. I got also mocked in school up to 12th grade for having my accent. To a point where I hated reading things in school out loud.
I haven't experienced outside of this much rasicm as I have a German name and appearance. I hope you are in a safe city, I don't know if you're still in germany, and don't get targeted by extremists because of you being black.
I was told by my parents to be grateful for them providing me such a opportunity with a great and free education system.
But they don't see me struggle.
I don't fit in in either community. A German doesn't see me as a German and a Russian doesn't see me as a Russian.
Your situation being adopted is quite unique. I think your feelings are totally normal for someone having experienced this.
Do you feel "normal" in terms of friendships, jobs, etc?
I thought if I could achieve all this, it would be a sign that I "made" it.
I know a few people whose parents are foreign but the children are born here. A aquantence of mine is "visibly" Turkish and is born here. She tried to merge her two sides together as there both make up her personality.
I think it kind of depends how well your parents manage to integrate both parts.
Wishing to stay in Ethiopia is perfactably understandably for me as I think Your parents being German couldn't give you a part of Ethiopian culture.
I also sometimes felt it would be better for me to stay in Russia because my parents are very negative towards German culture.
It feels for me although theoretically I have all the privileges of germany but can't use them, if it makes sence?

Hey

Thanks for that feedback I can also relate in some way to your story- and thx for sharing. And I do know that some Germans are also pretty xenophobic towards people from Eastern Europe. Thats pretty horrible. And I also I would say I made it in terms of jobs and education. Since my parents come from an academic background, I had resources in terms of education handed to me. I finished my master Degree at the University and having a job that supports me enough. So yes I did okay in that area.

And when you talk about how you can merge to different cultures into one, it is quite difficult to me since I have really not any relation to the Ethiopian culture. And my parents I think they meant well, but I guess they weren't really prepared what it means to adopt a child from a totally different country. So they just thought love will be enough..

And the city I am currently living in, is from a German perspective quite multicultural and so far it is not that bad. So I can walk around and do not do be scared getting attacked by some neo Nazis etc. Nevertheless the political climate is changing I guess all over the world and here have also been instances that made me feel not safe all the time.

And I have good friends; some of them have also immigrant backgrounds. So yes it changed a lot when I compare my situation now to when I was a child living in a little village. But still I do feel the rejection not on daily basis maybe but it's something you know like some slurs cut to deep that I can just feel okay.

Gosh I even feel bad about feeling bad right now cause when I see what I've written down - I do actually sense like dam you have really no reason to feel sorry for uryself but..we all know that is not that easy right?

 

[forever21]

That's great to here you are stable financially and living in a safe place.
As Senseo mentioned maybe you can find someone specifically adoptees with Ethiopian background to share you're experiences?
I guess it might not be as easy to find those people, I guess it's really rare?
When I tried to relate to the Russian culture, I learned that a great start is watching sitcoms and you tubers etc. You can see cultural differences in family, jobs, etc. By watching these. You would have to learn the national language thow. Maybe this would be something for you if you have time for it.
Ethiopia is a 3rd world country would be my guess, so the differences are going to be huge in terms of living standards.
But often times even third world countries have one or two larger cities which have a decent living quality compared to 1st world countries.
Have you visited your birth country?
When I went to Russia, I felt like a strange connection and found some great things especially great food that remindes me of it even when I am in germany.

 

[Ashley_1988]

I had a friend with South Korean heritage whom was adopted to my country. He didn't feel that he belonged anywhere either. However, he felt at peace when he hung out with other adoptees with South Korean heritage in a local chapter of a national association. (I was actually invited to one of their parties without knowing what it was all about. It turned out I was the only one who wasn't adopted there, which was a strange and enlightening experience. They called me "the North Korean" throughout the whole evening.) Maybe there's a similar association for Ethiopian adopetees in your country?

yes i do know some "Ethiopians" in a similar situation and that sometimes helps a lotJ but nevertheless everyone has its own unique story – but yes you do feel like less alone