requiesce
Member
- May 7, 2023
- 5
well... here we are.
after years of battling depression, countless efforts at treatments of different sorts and seeing the people around me endlessly worried because of my mental health, i've finally come to meet my end. i'm glad i can say i tried my absolute best and i am at peace with my decision. the last couple of months have been hell for me; after getting my final blow back in May, i have struggled to find excitement in anything i do, no matter what it is. i completely lack motivation to do anything at all, resulting in me having to force myself to do even the smallest of tasks and eventually resenting everything per consequence. achievements that would have brought me joy in the past, no longer mean anything to me. being a student makes things even harder for me, because not only do i lack energy and motivation to work and study, i also feel guilty for not doing anything. i've wanted to pursue this degree since i was 3 years old, but sadly what was once a person full of passion and idealism to contribute to the world, now is nothing more than an empty wreck full of nothing but guilt and disappointment.
i've been fighting through these feelings that build up every single day for the past few months now, making my life harder day by day. i've always believed strongly in myself, but it's time to let go. planning everything over the last couple of days has finally brought me mental peace, as i don't have to feel guilty anymore for not doing anything. as i said, i've always believed in myself which also meant being open to therapy etc. but frankly, i don't have the energy to go through that whole process again. i hate seeing my loved ones worry about me so much and i don't have any energy left for treatment considering the fact that eventually, it all comes back and i feel even worse every time.
all that's left to do is to figure out how to write notes to my loved ones so that they know that i died very peacefully and that i am in a better place. i know that's not going to change a lot about how they feel when i'm gone, but i at least hope that i can convince them that i have no feelings of resent towards any of them as i appreciate a lot how much they tried to help me. we have collectively all tried our best, but sometimes you have to accept that there simply is nothing left you can do. again, i know that they're never going to be at as much peace as i am, but anything helps and i hope that they won't blame themselves too much in the long term.
that being said, i'll still be around here for a while until i'm ready and i would be very glad to help out people on here. so if anyone needs a talk about anything at all, my dms are always open!
after years of battling depression, countless efforts at treatments of different sorts and seeing the people around me endlessly worried because of my mental health, i've finally come to meet my end. i'm glad i can say i tried my absolute best and i am at peace with my decision. the last couple of months have been hell for me; after getting my final blow back in May, i have struggled to find excitement in anything i do, no matter what it is. i completely lack motivation to do anything at all, resulting in me having to force myself to do even the smallest of tasks and eventually resenting everything per consequence. achievements that would have brought me joy in the past, no longer mean anything to me. being a student makes things even harder for me, because not only do i lack energy and motivation to work and study, i also feel guilty for not doing anything. i've wanted to pursue this degree since i was 3 years old, but sadly what was once a person full of passion and idealism to contribute to the world, now is nothing more than an empty wreck full of nothing but guilt and disappointment.
i've been fighting through these feelings that build up every single day for the past few months now, making my life harder day by day. i've always believed strongly in myself, but it's time to let go. planning everything over the last couple of days has finally brought me mental peace, as i don't have to feel guilty anymore for not doing anything. as i said, i've always believed in myself which also meant being open to therapy etc. but frankly, i don't have the energy to go through that whole process again. i hate seeing my loved ones worry about me so much and i don't have any energy left for treatment considering the fact that eventually, it all comes back and i feel even worse every time.
all that's left to do is to figure out how to write notes to my loved ones so that they know that i died very peacefully and that i am in a better place. i know that's not going to change a lot about how they feel when i'm gone, but i at least hope that i can convince them that i have no feelings of resent towards any of them as i appreciate a lot how much they tried to help me. we have collectively all tried our best, but sometimes you have to accept that there simply is nothing left you can do. again, i know that they're never going to be at as much peace as i am, but anything helps and i hope that they won't blame themselves too much in the long term.
that being said, i'll still be around here for a while until i'm ready and i would be very glad to help out people on here. so if anyone needs a talk about anything at all, my dms are always open!