Venting Academic pressure is causing me to end it

[hauntedmosaic]

So my thesis has been overdue for years now and it's the last thing I have to do in order to get my masters qualification and qualify in my field. If I don't finish it soon, I risk being excluded from university.

I just don't have the motivation to complete it and I feel like I just won't do a good job. But if I can't do it, then I'm risking my entire career which will be thrown out the window.

It's easier for me to just end it then live with this pressure of just not being able to complete my thesis. I feel like a true failure compared to my peers who have qualified and have lucrative careers. I just don't think I'm cut out for this or this life.

 

[JoeFailure]

Don't do it for that. Try your best, and forget your peers. You can still have a good career either way. Focus on yourself. You sound very young, do what you want to do and be smart with your money.

I've said it here because I'm almost 35 and this has screwed up my life...go after what you want to do and be smart with money. You can have a job that doesn't pay great but if you're smart, you'll be happy and totally fine. Find fulfillment and try to help other people. If you're well rounded, I believe that's the key to happiness.

It could literally be in a year or two or even less that you think you were crazy for considering ending your life over this.

 

[Rukia]

I was in the same situation only that my field of studies was not connected with lucrative career...Well, maybe only for a very tiny minority of ppl who graduated...
Maybe you can ask somebody to help you? I asked a friend and dictated to her and she typed...
Do you suffer from depression if I may ask? What is a reason for such delay in your thesis?

 

[Darkhaven]

Don't feel like a loser. Think on how many people can't even take a degree or even finish school. You are above average just by reaching you current level.
Look at me 1 year from finishing a degree and i know that after that's done, it's the end of student life for me because i will never be able to complete a thesis and defend it orally.
Here in where i live in order to take a master's degree you have to complete a thesis and then you have an oral discourse where the judges will inquire you and do everything they can in order for you to fail and say something wrong so then they can reject your thesis approval and you will have to do everything from the beggining.
Now imagine someone with social anxiety and general anxiety and depression trying to hold an argumentation against highly experient and wise Law school professors... Yeahh not happening.
Just rejoice in what you achieved already:it's a lot believe me.
And just try and finish it, you already got so far so why give up now? It' s a race against time and every second you delay it's a second closer to failure.
But if you got what it takes to come this far, it means you are a highly intelligent person and you can finish it.
And don't think about ending your life because of it for fuck's sake. It's a master's degree, not a cancer diagnosis.

 

[hauntedmosaic]

Don't do it for that. Try your best, and forget your peers. You can still have a good career either way. Focus on yourself. You sound very young, do what you want to do and be smart with your money.

I've said it here because I'm almost 35 and this has screwed up my life...go after what you want to do and be smart with money. You can have a job that doesn't pay great but if you're smart, you'll be happy and totally fine. Find fulfillment and try to help other people. If you're well rounded, I believe that's the key to happiness.

It could literally be in a year or two or even less that you think you were crazy for considering ending your life over this.

I'm 28... not sure if that qualifies as very young. However, I did need to hear this. I feel embarrassed to tell anyone in my life that this is making me feel suicidal but at the same time, I needed some sort of encouragement to just get down to it and give it a shot rather than ending my life over it. I am glad I could air it on this platform without judgement. I think I will at least give my thesis a try. Thank you

I was in the same situation only that my field of studies was not connected with lucrative career...Well, maybe only for a very tiny minority of ppl who graduated...
Maybe you can ask somebody to help you? I asked a friend and dictated to her and she typed...
Do you suffer from depression if I may ask? What is a reason for such delay in your thesis?

Yes I was diagnosed with depression in 2015 and I suspended my studies for half a year. I'm 2016, I completed my coursework and then I began to work which took away a lot of my time from completing my thesis. Over the years, the pressure has just built on and the more time I spent away from engaging in academia, the harder it became to just get back into it. That coupled with depression, anxiety and constant suicidal ideation, did not help my situation.

It's come down to this year where if I don't complete it, I'm going to be excluded. I guess I'm feeling the pressure but it's not fair to at least not attempt to complete it. I will give it a shot at the very least. Thank you

What happened with you studies if you don't mind I asking and how did you manage to overcome the feelings, assuming you felt the same?

 

[JoeFailure]

I'm 28... not sure if that qualifies as very young. However, I did need to hear this. I feel embarrassed to tell anyone in my life that this is making me feel suicidal but at the same time, I needed some sort of encouragement to just get down to it and give it a shot rather than ending my life over it. I am glad I could air it on this platform without judgement. I think I will at least give my thesis a try. Thank you


Yes I was diagnosed with depression in 2015 and I suspended my studies for half a year. I'm 2016, I completed my coursework and then I began to work which took away a lot of my time from completing my thesis. Over the years, the pressure has just built on and the more time I spent away from engaging in academia, the harder it became to just get back into it. That coupled with depression, anxiety and constant suicidal ideation, did not help my situation.

It's come down to this year where if I don't complete it, I'm going to be excluded. I guess I'm feeling the pressure but it's not fair to at least not attempt to complete it. I will give it a shot at the very least. Thank you

What happened with you studies if you don't mind I asking and how did you manage to overcome the feelings, assuming you felt the same?

28 is still young and having a Masters is a big deal if you can complete it. You can do this and just remember what I said. Don't get so wrapped up in doing this just for a lucrative career more than doing something you might enjoy and being smart with money.

 

[Final Escape]

So my thesis has been overdue for years now and it's the last thing I have to do in order to get my masters qualification and qualify in my field. If I don't finish it soon, I risk being excluded from university.

I just don't have the motivation to complete it and I feel like I just won't do a good job. But if I can't do it, then I'm risking my entire career which will be thrown out the window.

It's easier for me to just end it then live with this pressure of just not being able to complete my thesis. I feel like a true failure compared to my peers who have qualified and have lucrative careers. I just don't think I'm cut out for this or this life.

Have u tried an adderall? Lol! Jus kiddin! It's addictive but to get through school might help. It is basically legal meth and so if u ever quit after longterm use it's difficult to come off. If u used it strictly for projects like this it would help. It's just so habit forming though. U would need strong discipline to use it once in awhile or like a few times a month. It would help u get this done though.

 

[hauntedmosaic]

Don't feel like a loser. Think on how many people can't even take a degree or even finish school. You are above average just by reaching you current level.
Look at me 1 year from finishing a degree and i know that after that's done, it's the end of student life for me because i will never be able to complete a thesis and defend it orally.
Here in where i live in order to take a master's degree you have to complete a thesis and then you have an oral discourse where the judges will inquire you and do everything they can in order for you to fail and say something wrong so then they can reject your thesis approval and you will have to do everything from the beggining.
Now imagine someone with social anxiety and general anxiety and depression trying to hold an argumentation against highly experient and wise Law school professors... Yeahh not happening.
Just rejoice in what you achieved already:it's a lot believe me.
And just try and finish it, you already got so far so why give up now? It' s a race against time and every second you delay it's a second closer to failure.
But if you got what it takes to come this far, it means you are a highly intelligent person and you can finish it.
And don't think about ending your life because of it for fuck's sake. It's a master's degree, not a cancer diagnosis.

Yes I can't imagine doing that and I suffer from all of the above, so I'm not sure how I came this far to be honest. That being said, and as per you and everyone in the thread who have been offering encouragement, I shall give this a try. And lol yes, it may not be a cancer diagnosis, but my parents are putting a lot of pressure on me to get this done as well, which is part of the reason I am under so much pressure and feeling suicidal. That coupled with the fact that my thesis supervisor has put her faith in me all these years and now seems like she feels I am a lost cause, has exacerbated my feelings of failure. But I agree, I will attempt to finish this. Thank you for the encouragement.

28 is still young and having a Masters is a big deal if you can complete it. You can do this and just remember what I said. Don't get so wrapped up in doing this just for a lucrative career more than doing something you might enjoy and being smart with money.

Absolutely - I have saved up a lot of money thus far even though I do not earn that much currently. I agree that money is not the be all and end all. However, I just want to earn enough to be able to purchase my own place and live comfortably. That can only happen once I get this qualification. I really enjoy my field as well so I think it goes back to just finding the enjoyment in my thesis again.

Have u tried an adderall? Lol! Jus kiddin! It's addictive but to get through school might help. It is basically legal meth and so if u ever quit after longterm use it's difficult. If u used it strictly for projects like this it would help. It's just so habit forming though. U would need strong discipline to use it once in awhile or like a few times a month. It would help u get this done though.

I have Ritalin and Concerta lying around at home which my psychiatrist gave me for concentration. I tried Concerta once and it made me feel anxious and jittery all day. Ritalin sort of helped, but I crash after about 3-4 hours and the side effects afterwards are not fun. How is Adderall different from these 2? Because if it's better, then I will definitely make an appointment with my shrink and explore this as an option. Whatever it takes to just get done with this once and for all.

 

[Rukia]

Yes I was diagnosed with depression in 2015 and I suspended my studies for half a year. I'm 2016, I completed my coursework and then I began to work which took away a lot of my time from completing my thesis. Over the years, the pressure has just built on and the more time I spent away from engaging in academia, the harder it became to just get back into it. That coupled with depression, anxiety and constant suicidal ideation, did not help my situation.

It's come down to this year where if I don't complete it, I'm going to be excluded. I guess I'm feeling the pressure but it's not fair to at least not attempt to complete it. I will give it a shot at the very least. Thank you

What happened with you studies if you don't mind I asking and how did you manage to overcome the feelings, assuming you felt the same?

Well, to make long story short... the problems with my thesis lead me to visit a psychiatrist...Now 12 years later I still remeber it as an utter horror...

I was prescribed antidepressants which didnt help much...I told my parents I am waiting for my diploma to be printed and only told them the truth when I visited around the time of Christmas Eve...It was the worst day of my life so far as my father reacted aggressively...
I had to repeat a year and somehow managed to finish it...bit by bit..And I resigned from the quality...Just gave them sth acceptable...

I regret not seeking help earlier...as my whole academic career was a stuggle...In my uni there is bureau helping ppl with various disabilities...Maybe you have sth similar at yours?

Feel free to PM me if you want to talk with somebody privately...

 

[PatKat]

So my thesis has been overdue for years now and it's the last thing I have to do in order to get my masters qualification and qualify in my field. If I don't finish it soon, I risk being excluded from university.

I just don't have the motivation to complete it and I feel like I just won't do a good job. But if I can't do it, then I'm risking my entire career which will be thrown out the window.

It's easier for me to just end it then live with this pressure of just not being able to complete my thesis. I feel like a true failure compared to my peers who have qualified and have lucrative careers. I just don't think I'm cut out for this or this life.

I had to go online to get my degree years ago, just the thought of sitting in a place with tons of people I don't know just makes me uneasy. The pressure of even going online was tough enough to get through. I think it had something to do with due dates, having to have something done by a specific time, and day was pretty stressful. I had to ask my professors sometimes for extensions, and additional help.

 

[Shamana]

I don't find this is a good reason to kill yourself. Of course it's debatable if there ever is a good reason to kill yourself, but I don't find academic pressure to be a good one. There are lot's of good people and enviroments out there who don't give a fuck about money and career. Go hang out with some hippies or spiritual people.

 

[hauntedmosaic]

As you're new, I can't PM you, but I wanted to say -

I can relate to what you're going through. I remember feeling just like this when I was writing my thesis. I ended up having to defer it as I just couldn't do it at all due to my mental health. I also felt like a complete failure – everyone else on my course had completed theirs, had graduated and were all in jobs, which made finding the motivation to complete it all the more difficult.

I had basically accepted the fact I couldn't do it, and would never be able to it. It felt like an impossible task. I felt so sad and defeated. I couldn't find the energy or motivation to even think about it.

Do you mind me asking your current living situation? I know it's not always possible, but it wasn't until I lived alone that I was able to even start to think about my thesis. Anyway, I forced myself to at least start doing some prep work for it. I would do a little bit each day, not committing myself to anything. At the end of each day I would conclude that I couldn't/wouldn't do it.

But after about a week, I started to find a tiny flicker of motivation, really small but it was there. I realised I wanted to complete it – not for others, not so I have a good job/future (I always knew I would ctb), but purely for myself. It was so so hard, but it was worth it in the end. Although it didn't improve my life, as I'm unable to work now anyway due to mental health - it felt amazing to have finished it, and I still feel proud of myself.

What I'm trying to say is, if this is your only reason for ctb, then I would really recommend you keep going. As I've been through something similar, we can chat and I will really try my best to help you.

Wow I'm currently going through the exact same feelings you described when you went through it. I'm proud of you and admire you for having completed it! Especially coming from a place where I am currently, and I cannot even imagine reaching that stage. But your story does give me hope. I am sorry though - mental health problems are also a huge part of what takes away my motivation to complete this, but it is not very severe.

I live with my parents as it is feasible financially. I know that doing a little bit of work each day may be a strategy that works. I would love to chat if you don't mind. I appreciate you extending a hand. Thank you!

Well, to make long story short... the problems with my thesis lead me to visit a psychiatrist...Now 12 years later I still remeber it as an utter horror...

I was prescribed antidepressants which didnt help much...I told my parents I am waiting for my diploma to be printed and only told them the truth when I visited around the time of Christmas Eve...It was the worst day of my life so far as my father reacted aggressively...
I had to repeat a year and somehow managed to finish it...bit by bit..And I resigned from the quality...Just gave them sth acceptable...

I regret not seeking help earlier...as my whole academic career was a stuggle...In my uni there is bureau helping ppl with various disabilities...Maybe you have sth similar at yours?

Feel free to PM me if you want to talk with somebody privately...

At least you managed to finish - that's an accomplishment in itself no matter how long it took. I am seeing a counsellor at my uni but I don't feel any better with her. I think I may need to change my counsellor and see a private psychologist.

Thank you, I will definitely take you up on that offer :)

 

[Final Escape]

Yes I can't imagine doing that and I suffer from all of the above, so I'm not sure how I came this far to be honest. That being said, and as per you and everyone in the thread who have been offering encouragement, I shall give this a try. And lol yes, it may not be a cancer diagnosis, but my parents are putting a lot of pressure on me to get this done as well, which is part of the reason I am under so much pressure and feeling suicidal. That coupled with the fact that my thesis supervisor has put her faith in me all these years and now seems like she feels I am a lost cause, has exacerbated my feelings of failure. But I agree, I will attempt to finish this. Thank you for the encouragement.


Absolutely - I have saved up a lot of money thus far even though I do not earn that much currently. I agree that money is not the be all and end all. However, I just want to earn enough to be able to purchase my own place and live comfortably. That can only happen once I get this qualification. I really enjoy my field as well so I think it goes back to just finding the enjoyment in my thesis again.


I have Ritalin and Concerta lying around at home which my psychiatrist gave me for concentration. I tried Concerta once and it made me feel anxious and jittery all day. Ritalin sort of helped, but I crash after about 3-4 hours and the side effects afterwards are not fun. How is Adderall different from these 2? Because if it's better, then I will definitely make an appointment with my shrink and explore this as an option. Whatever it takes to just get done with this once and for all.

I feel that Adderall was more effective than the other ones that I had tried. I only have experience with Adderall, Ritalin, Dexedrine, and crystal meth. From what I've learned it's probably the strongest short of getting actual meth lol! Only thing about Adderall is the crashes. You can do things to ease the crash like vitamins, diet, and exercise. I preferred the instant release orange oval teva brand 20 mg tablets. Some people like the extended release but I felt it was harder to control how long I wanted the amped feeling for.

 

[GeorgeJL]

That's not a good enough reason to CTB. I went to college myself for two years. I had a 3.8 GPA but I studied my ass off for that. I ended up dropping out because I realized that my foot problem was bad enough that I couldn't work in the career I wanted. Plus I was dealing with severe depression caused by an antibiotic. Now I drive for a living. Granted it doesn't pay that much, but I would rather do this than being dead.

If I were you I would look into withdrawing from the class, that might be your best option. Or perhaps if you attempt a suicide they won't count that against you and you can try the class again next semester. I am sure the university has resources for people like you. Go talk to the advisor for help. Go to the wellness center and see if you can see a therapist, perhaps the therapist can get you some help. CTB is a last ditch effort for young people. Society has invested so much in you and it would be a waste you ended it now.

 

[hauntedmosaic]

That's not a good enough reason to CTB. I went to college myself for two years. I had a 3.8 GPA but I studied my ass off for that. I ended up dropping out because I realized that my foot problem was bad enough that I couldn't work in the career I wanted. Plus I was dealing with severe depression caused by an antibiotic. Now I drive for a living. Granted it doesn't pay that much, but I would rather do this than being dead.

If I were you I would look into withdrawing from the class, that might be your best option. Or perhaps if you attempt a suicide they won't count that against you and you can try the class again next semester. I am sure the university has resources for people like you. Go talk to the advisor for help. Go to the wellness center and see if you can see a therapist, perhaps the therapist can get you some help. CTB is a last ditch effort for young people. Society has invested so much in you and it would be a waste you ended it now.

I admire your resilience. My problem probably feels like child's play in comparison.

I don't think withdrawing is an option. Yes I suffer from depression, but I feel like withdrawing is going to make me even more depressed and exacerbate it. So I'm going to try my best to get it done. Doing some work in increments may help with my motivation.

 

[GeorgeJL]

I admire your resilience. My problem probably feels like child's play in comparison.

I don't think withdrawing is an option. Yes I suffer from depression, but I feel like withdrawing is going to make me even more depressed and exacerbate it. So I'm going to try my best to get it done. Doing some work in increments may help with my motivation.

I think your just on the verge of burn out and you just need a break. Is that about right?

 

[hauntedmosaic]

I think your just on the verge of burn out and you just need a break. Is that about right?

No no, definitely not burn out. I've been burnt out before and this is not that feeling. I'm just a bit demotivated because I haven't been making progress. Not making progress has been making me feel worthless and like a failure thereby exacerbating my depression. It's a negative cycle and it needs to be broken by me at least attempting to make progress.

 

[GeorgeJL]

No no, definitely not burn out. I've been burnt out before and this is not that feeling. I'm just a bit demotivated because I haven't been making progress. Not making progress has been making me feel worthless and like a failure thereby exacerbating my depression. It's a negative cycle and it needs to be broken by me at least attempting to make progress.

How much time do you have left until your paper is due, and when is this semester over?

 

[hauntedmosaic]

How much time do you have left until your paper is due, and when is this semester over?

I have until at least December for final submission. But the full draft will probably need to be in by October for corrections etc before submission. So I don't have a lot of time.

 

[GeorgeJL]

I have until at least December for final submission. But the full draft will probably need to be in by October for corrections etc before submission. So I don't have a lot of time.

Well geez man that should be plenty of time. I was thinking in days or tops weeks, not in months. Well how hard is it,, how many pages?

 

[hauntedmosaic]

Well geez man that should be plenty of time. I was thinking in days or tops weeks, not in months. Well how hard is it,, how many pages?

Considering the nature of the topic and how intense the research method is, it could be up to 140 pages. I still have to do the data analysis part which is the most daunting and which I am dreading. But yeah, it is very do-able if I work on it daily. I'm just anxious because I haven't made progress with it for years and now it's do or die. I'm really disappointed in myself.

 

[KnotCreative]

Your posting style seems familiar, do you post on other forums besides this one?

 

[hauntedmosaic]

Your posting style seems familiar, do you post on other forums besides this one?

Nope. I hardly ever post on other forums

 

[HelpPlease]

It shouldn't be that way. You shouldn't have to write a fucking thesis to survive

 

[hauntedmosaic]

It shouldn't be that way. You shouldn't have to write a fucking thesis to survive

I know, but it is what it is unfortunately.

 

[Pistolero114]

I know this feeling. I was supposed to go after my Master's ten years ago. I'm 60 years old. Why bother now? But academia is a hell of a lot more work than Normies understand.