![Qua](/data/avatars/l/62/62289.jpg?1683248256)
Qua
there's no turning back now
- Apr 30, 2023
- 73
Yesterday (20.07.2024) I took the maximum amount for two different calming medications and swallowed them both with vodka. I was feeling really down, got wasted and kinda high on meds (they make you feel mostly just numb and sleepy).Today | had a good day, nothing indicated that I might start feeling like shit around 7/8 P.M. I was crying, trembling and feeling like shit for a couple hours. I couldn't hold my tears in and it was the first time ever I asked my bestfriend to come over only to comfort me because I felt like I was going to break down completely. Thoughts of abusing calming meds and swallowing them down with vodka were really loud and I could barely keep myself in tact. I honestly don't know what to make out of it. I don't plan on killing myself soon, especially not by taking random calming meds with vodka and calling it a day. I'm kinda anxious about getting addicted, but don't know what to do about it.
Sitting with my friend honestly helped me a lot.Now I'm just sitting, drinking some vodka and not planning on taking any kinds of meds with it. However, it honestly still bothers me how my mind wants me to escape to meds and drinking when I feel bad and genuinely need help of some sort.
I don't know if i should tell my psychiatrist about it since I'm afraid she'd either take my meds away or put me into a psychoward.
Why can't I just be normal and cope with my emotions on a safe and reasonable level? It's making me feel disgusted with myself but I don't know what I could do when the voices get too loud.
Sitting with my friend honestly helped me a lot.Now I'm just sitting, drinking some vodka and not planning on taking any kinds of meds with it. However, it honestly still bothers me how my mind wants me to escape to meds and drinking when I feel bad and genuinely need help of some sort.
I don't know if i should tell my psychiatrist about it since I'm afraid she'd either take my meds away or put me into a psychoward.
Why can't I just be normal and cope with my emotions on a safe and reasonable level? It's making me feel disgusted with myself but I don't know what I could do when the voices get too loud.