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In my family. What doctors/ nurses etc at my psych ward have written after our meets. My family can access them by filing a request at the hospital. I have bipolar disorder so they can also learn about everything I've done manic. It's just a lot.
True. But my dad is a narc and never has he apologised or shown accountability. Honestly I don't care anymore. People can dismiss me all they want really. I own my truth. But yeah, I don't know how I should move forward either. Sometimes I want to stay alive for longer so they never get access to my journals/files. But I just can't stand the fact living much longer.. thanks for the reply <3
I'm from Sweden, I've tried reading about this but one of my family members accessed their mothers medical files..
oh I thought you meant they were written by you. At least it's not your innermost thoughts. My family has their own version of who I am, what I've done, what I'm like, and almost none of it is true. People make things up about the mentally ill and then they believe the stories they make up instead of just asking us. I don't know if there's a way around that. Honestly no ones reputation ever got better from ctb'ing and we have no control over what people will say/think about us after our death.
I know. but how do I stop caring?
oh, not by me. yeah, at least there's that. and your absolutely right. They love to dismiss the mentally ill. Yeah, we don't have control of what people say or think when we die, but I don't know why this is bothering me. If I CTB I'll be dead and won't know their opinions. Wondering why this bothers me so much. It's like a fear of losing control.
I went through this, I even worried about what clothes I would be wearing when my body was found, but with time that passes, death is just the end, it doesn't make any sense to worry about what will happen after your death, If you no longer want to exist, just disconnect from this reality and leave.
Something that helped me a lot was writing down what I was feeling, there is no right or wrong, there is no "what they will think", just take a pen and paper and start writing, if anyone cares to know what really happened to you It was all there, I wrote about 30 pages, I didn't write it for anyone, I wrote it for myself, what I was feeling.
Maybe at one of your one to one sessions you could ask for more information about their confidentiality policy so you are comfortable to continue being honest. Mention that you are aware there is sensitive issues you have discussed so what is there ongoing policy to protect that personal information. Dont make it sound super serious and like you will make decisions based on the answer but just something you have recently realised could be an issue in the future when you are no longer there (discharged or any other way). It might be a way to get the answer whether others can get access whether you are alive or not, so you arent left wondering
