Discussion About the double "CTB"? (Shinju 心中)

[Michelstaedter]

With this post I hope not to break any rules, but it's not a post that's looking for "someone," but rather information, perspectives and points of view, especially from women (regardless of age) to take into account.

My idea is to find or meet someone who can personally understand the concept of a double CTB, since besides giving me more value, it has been a fantasy, because, for example, having a girlfriend requires you to have something "attractive" to the other person and someone like me, who has nothing, obviously has nothing to offer as a potential partner, whereas as a "CTB partner" I have the desire, the clarity and more or less a plan to achieve it, as well as having the maturity to know that this is what I want, I don't like the world, I don't like society, I don't like life, etc.

My question is, what would a woman look for in someone who wanted to commit double CTB? Or what would lead him to consider carrying out such an act? Personally, I'm not looking for someone physically attractive, just someone of legal age who is very clear about what he wants. Specifically, I'd like someone who "doesn't have much of a family" for fear of repercussions against my family, since I sometimes think it might be assumed that "I led her to that thought" or vice versa. That's why I specify wanting to find someone who is very clear about this idea and not just someone who has an impulse or a passing fancy. Because in the end, this isn't a passing fancy; it's a desire, a life goal (however ironic that may sound). Relationships these days are very superficial, based on corrupt interests, and for me, the important thing is truly wanting to leave behind the misery of this world that does so much harm to so many of us.

This isn't really a post to look for someone here on this site, since I know there's a specific post for that. Besides, my private messages are disabled, so I don't want to pressure anyone here. I simply want to get an idea of what kind of person I should approach about this, since it's something I've been thinking about, but I don't know. Personally, I have no doubt that I want to -CTB-, but I wouldn't know how to be sure that someone else would feel the same way.

 

[throw-me-away]

Why would you look for a woman to be your CTB partner, specifically? Why do you liken it to a romantic partner?

 

[Michelstaedter]

Why would you look for a woman to be your CTB partner, specifically? Why do you liken it to a romantic partner?

Yes, taking a bit of the context of Japanese literature, but it could also be like Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet, symbolizing love until death, as long as we both agree and understand the responsibility of carrying out our act, not simply being "lovers" planning to have children, get married, and live together until old age, because that's too idealistic, since relationships often end up breaking down and becoming unsatisfying. In death, we will perpetuate our love and seek to make it symbolically "eternal."

It's also idealistic, but in practice, I try to make it practical.

 

[Nightfoot]

I think romantic partners who CTB together have usually been together a long time and feel they can't live without each other.

 

[Alice563]

I do think that it is "not healthy" to mix having a romantic partner vs exit partner. It is not romeo and juliet. The goal is to end everything and thats all, sometimes by oneself, and sometimes -due to for example being scared by doing it alone-with companion one is feeling comfortable and safe with. I do think there is a reason why most women write in the partner thread they look for other woman, or eventually the gender and age doesn't matter (the goal matter). I do think it is much better to find romantic love or connection in different ways.

 

[Michelstaedter]

I think romantic partners who CTB together have usually been together a long time and feel they can't live without each other.

For me, it would be more difficult to find someone like that, assuming we're talking about a normal couple and that, in theory, both are depressed, have CTB ideas, and it's almost like "winning the lottery" in terms of the possibility of finding someone with whom to plan to commit CTB in a long-term relationship.

I do think that it is "not healthy" to mix having a romantic partner vs exit partner. It is not romeo and juliet. The goal is to end everything and thats all, sometimes by oneself, and sometimes -due to for example being scared by doing it alone-with companion one is feeling comfortable and safe with. I do think there is a reason why most women write in the partner thread they look for other woman, or eventually the gender and age doesn't matter (the goal matter). I do think it is much better to find romantic love or connection in different ways.

Well... To say it's unhealthy implies that talking about CTB with a partner is inherently unhealthy.

Regarding my general idea, I think my thinking is being misinterpreted as meaning I want a girlfriend who also wants to CTB, which isn't the case. I want a woman who, without a deep or long-term commitment, wants to CTB. However, based on the previous response, I can more or less understand that it will be difficult, since I imagine the perception will be that I'm someone "safe and reliable" to commit such an act, as I already see myself as someone who doesn't aspire to be seen as a potential partner in a romantic relationship.
I realize that my ideas clash with culture, because in the West it seems more like something dramatic and novelistic, whereas in the East it seems more like a purely cultural idea, perhaps because they thought that in this way they would "reincarnate" as a happy couple in the next life or something like that, which is why that notion is incompatible with Western thought.

In general, I don't see a problem. It's not like I wouldn't find value in doing it alone, because if I found a golden opportunity to achieve it, I wouldn't care whether I was with someone or doing it solo. That's why I want to clarify that this isn't about "wanting a girlfriend" to do CTB with, but rather a woman who shares this idea so we can execute our plan in the medium term.

P.S. If you find any inconsistencies in the text, it's because I had to modify the parts where I put -CTB, since it was translating -CTB as "having sex" lol