TheNatureOfDying
Princess
- Nov 19, 2024
- 8
over the past two months or so, i have been spending time with someone i am very romantically invested in (let's call them Ace). for a while, they reciprocated and we saw each other a lot owing to the fact that we both live in the same part of campus at our university. i enjoyed kissing / holding hands a lot and felt very safe and protected when they held me. i felt like i had finally found someone who could make me feel beautiful and cared for.
a couple days ago, i noticed that this person had been more withdrawn / less affectionate and i began to suspect that they had lost interest in pursuing a relationship. that night Ace and our friends were hanging out in the living room of my dorm, and they stepped outside to go take care of something. i started having thoughts about Ace abandoning me like other people have abandoned me and started feeling overwhelmingly scared and upset. i ran to my room and started sobbing uncontrollably after closing the door.
after a few minutes of this, Ace came back to the dorm and knocked on my door to check on me. i mustered up the strength to let them into the room and continued to cry as they held me. with great difficulty, i explained my fears of abandonment and them losing interest in me. once i had calmed down a bit, they asked if we could talk about us. i knew what was going to happen, and used all my strength to not cry as they told me that they weren't willing to pursue a romantic relationship with me.
i understand the reasons why it would be really hard for the two of us to get into a relationship right now, but hearing it from them destroyed me.
some part of me feels like we could make it work if they were willing to navigate some of the challenging circumstances. another part of me knows that i'm asking for too much, and that it probably wasn't going to work out from the start. either way, the feelings of abandonment and emptiness persist. i don't know how to recover from having my heart and self-image damaged like this and i feel like it's going to be hard for us to be friends because i will keep thinking about what we were and what could have been.
a couple days ago, i noticed that this person had been more withdrawn / less affectionate and i began to suspect that they had lost interest in pursuing a relationship. that night Ace and our friends were hanging out in the living room of my dorm, and they stepped outside to go take care of something. i started having thoughts about Ace abandoning me like other people have abandoned me and started feeling overwhelmingly scared and upset. i ran to my room and started sobbing uncontrollably after closing the door.
after a few minutes of this, Ace came back to the dorm and knocked on my door to check on me. i mustered up the strength to let them into the room and continued to cry as they held me. with great difficulty, i explained my fears of abandonment and them losing interest in me. once i had calmed down a bit, they asked if we could talk about us. i knew what was going to happen, and used all my strength to not cry as they told me that they weren't willing to pursue a romantic relationship with me.
i understand the reasons why it would be really hard for the two of us to get into a relationship right now, but hearing it from them destroyed me.
some part of me feels like we could make it work if they were willing to navigate some of the challenging circumstances. another part of me knows that i'm asking for too much, and that it probably wasn't going to work out from the start. either way, the feelings of abandonment and emptiness persist. i don't know how to recover from having my heart and self-image damaged like this and i feel like it's going to be hard for us to be friends because i will keep thinking about what we were and what could have been.
