Help A story. stuck.

[Terminally drunk]

Awhile ago life turned too shit. Lost job etc at 22. I played PC games all day curtains shut for 6 months. Then mum kicked me out. I was psychologically fucked up and lost. I had no idea what to do the only answer was death so went into the bush and tried dehydrating myself. I went 3 days no food or water. I ran out of cigs so I went into town to find some, I met a homeless busking dude who took me in and showed me the way of the streets. After 3 years of drinking myself dumb losing all self dignity, begging on st etc. I have been taken back by my mother to detox. Now I'm getting ready to get drunk and partial hang myself. I have it mostly figured out. The depression is just gone on for too long. Mum wants me out soon. I can barely look after myself. Old friends think I'm f'd in the head and won't reply to my drunken fb msgs. Any gf I did have was ether a hand me down off a mate (that messed with me) or me just getting played. There is no love in my life. Everyone in my family of age has a partner but me and it gets to me. I cry myself too sleep sometimes. i know the rest of my life will be below average. I lack the social skills, i have borderline schizophrenia brought up from synthetic pot abuse. I don't do anything apart from get drunk and play games. I cannot gather the will to go out and get a job. Is there really any point to me living? I know in my heart I want to die. I would feel bad doing it here as it might fuck mum up but she ditched me out on the street anyway so I don't care. Sorry for it being a long story. But is a life of pain worth living. I'm 26 soon. Going to start practise tommorow to make sure I do it right. am I selfish?

 

[Lara Francis]

7

 

[Lara Francis]

7

Sorry did not mean to post a random number!

 

[Terminally drunk]

Lol yea I was wondering what you meant by it. mobile life

 

[creatureoflight]

Awhile ago life turned too shit. Lost job etc at 22. I played PC games all day curtains shut for 6 months. Then mum kicked me out. I was psychologically fucked up and lost. I had no idea what to do the only answer was death so went into the bush and tried dehydrating myself. I went 3 days no food or water. I ran out of cigs so I went into town to find some, I met a homeless busking dude who took me in and showed me the way of the streets. After 3 years of drinking myself dumb losing all self dignity, begging on st etc. I have been taken back by my mother to detox. Now I'm getting ready to get drunk and partial hang myself. I have it mostly figured out. The depression is just gone on for too long. Mum wants me out soon. I can barely look after myself. Old friends think I'm f'd in the head and won't reply to my drunken fb msgs. Any gf I did have was ether a hand me down off a mate (that messed with me) or me just getting played. There is no love in my life. Everyone in my family of age has a partner but me and it gets to me. I cry myself too sleep sometimes. i know the rest of my life will be below average. I lack the social skills, i have borderline schizophrenia brought up from synthetic pot abuse. I don't do anything apart from get drunk and play games. I cannot gather the will to go out and get a job. Is there really any point to me living? I know in my heart I want to die. I would feel bad doing it here as it might fuck mum up but she ditched me out on the street anyway so I don't care. Sorry for it being a long story. But is a life of pain worth living. I'm 26 soon. Going to start practise tommorow to make sure I do it right. am I selfish?

To me, you just sound as if you ran into really hard times. The decision is up to you. Is there any chance you can get into some kind of college to get a degree (even on loans) or something else you want to do with your life? Or can you seek therapy for your schizophrenia?

 

[MistakesHappen]

I do not think you are selfish. If for you living is only a continuous suffering, it means that the others are the selfish ones.
Have a good life my friend. Goodbye.

 

[Aragon]

A while ago life turned too shit. Lost job at 22. I played PC games all day curtains shut for 6 months. Then mum kicked me out. I was psychologically fucked up and lost. I had no idea what to do the only answer was death so went into the bush and tried dehydrating myself. I went 3 days no food or water.

There's no escape from feeling bad, it follows you everywhere. I've been wined and dined, I've had a lot of fun but feel I'll never have a bright future, it' been 10 years as of now and I'm still stuck in a rut. I too have played games all day, and night and it just then becomes pointless.

 

[Terminally drunk]

To me, you just sound as if you ran into really hard times. The decision is up to you. Is there any chance you can get into some kind of college to get a degree (even on loans) or something else you want to do with your life? Or can you seek therapy for your schizophrenia?

I fukd up a software engineering course years ago and had to pay that backback. Was hard. Iv fukd up everything good in my life. No will power to do another. Just stuck on the sickness welfare. And yea I should get therapy but I vowed to never end up in the Looney bin. Thankyou

 

[Borntodie]

My mum kicked me out too. But I was younger than you (teenager). At the time she said she wished I would be left homeless, but my aunt took me to her home. My mum wouldn't give me anything out of the house so I had to rebuild my life(debit card, passport, clothing, laptop etc). Now my mother's in a care home and my siblings who she loved dearly and kept at home "never comes to see her and doesn't answer her calls". I blocked her number from my phone, but she occasionally rings my aunt who doesn't like her either.

It's hard to find a job nowadays. I spent a year looking for a job, only to last 2 months in the job I just left. But you were only 22 and living with your mum, you should have convinced yourself to look for another job. I don't know where you live. Maybe you could get a loan to study in college or something. Or maybe go on a job website and find some jobs to apply for.

Ctb is for when you're 100% absolutely certain there's no hope in life.

My advice: Find a job, save your money, beat up your mum and then run away.

 

[GoneSeptember2018]

No it's not selfish. Everyone must live life on their own terms, but I advise you to really ask yourself whether or not you explored ALL your options. Legit explore and not just write off because you're feeling depressed.

If you can say you did everything you could and fought hard, I think there is no reason to feel selfish because it means your life was beyond what you could fix, manage to make a livable quality of life. Either way I hope you find what you need.