A reminder, I'm still set on CTB'ing

[TAW122]

I just want to make it clear that CTB is inevitable for me, it is not a matter of if, but when, where, and how. Nothing will change my ultimate plan and destiny because my problems are continuous. The reason I didn't CTB in 2019 is mostly attributed to major life goals being fulfilled (1st one being meeting my ladyfriend and the 2nd one for losing virginity in Amsterdam). While those two major events have given me lifefuel, it was just enough to make me passively suicidal than actively. However, these things (while amazing) are only short lived as chronic and permanent problems continue to persist to this day.

Thus ultimately, I know that I will die by my hand because of new problems and/or chronic problems and reasons that can't be resolved. All the things that I'm facing now, will continue to face, and even new problems in the future (that I don't know of). Here are some of the major problems that I'm facing and reasons that are pushing me towards CTB'ing. Nothing will change my decision as life, society, and humanity are the problems themselves and those are always continuous. Plus, personal problems myself that I can't seem to overcome (nor willing to because of the effort, cost, time and troubles).

Therefore, it is just a matter of when, where, and how (in what manner) I am going to CTB. While I currently don't have my method at hand, I will obtain possession of it when I get the chance to do so. I don't know when but it would likely be after this pandemic has passed.

 

[DoNotLet2]

I'm sorry that such a smart/wise person like you has to die because problems are way too bad :( The world is dumb. But I understand.

 

[FreedomInDeath]

Glad you got to have some positive experiences before the bus arrives!

 

[snowman626]

i heard a vaccine wont be out for at least 12-18 months so it'll be a long wait

 

[TAW122]

@snowman626 Was that from just now or maybe 2 months ago? I heard that time-table or estimated time before, but maybe things are being expedited now given how serious this pandemic has become? I'm willing to wait as long as I can (while still having the ability to do what I need to do) until I can get ready to CTB.

 

[Passersby]

Hi Throwaway,
It is a sad situation when one knows that he or she must catch the bus. This is not something that mainstream society can understand unfortunately. I can however relate to you big time because ctb is also my inevitable fate unfortunately. Just like you said I will also ctb it only comes down to when where and how. My issues have been tried to be fixed for a long time and they are not fixable so i will ctb. I have 3 different methods available to me right now that I can reach out and grab. I thought about hanging myself today big time. At least you got to do those few things that you mentioned before you die. Picking a date and going through with it is a tough thing for multiple reasons mainly being si. so I guess there's not much to say other than we know we have to ctb and that is that. I hope we get peace because for now it is not to be had.

 

[TAW122]

Hi Throwaway,
It is a sad situation when one knows that he or she must catch the bus. This is not something that mainstream society can understand unfortunately. I can however relate to you big time because ctb is also my inevitable fate unfortunately. Just like you said I will also ctb it only comes down to when where and how.
My issues have been tried to be fixed for a long time and they are not fixable so i will ctb. I have 3 different methods available to me right now that I can reach out and grab. I thought about hanging myself today big time. At least you got to do those few things that you mentioned before you die. Picking a date and going through with it is a tough thing for multiple reasons mainly being si. so I guess there's not much to say other than we know we have to ctb and that is that. I hope we get peace because for now it is not to be had.

Yeah I hope I'd wouldn't have to CTB as soon as the year 2020, but now with how things are going for me IRL, how things will become in the future, as well as a chain of shitty events back to back to back end of 2019, early 2020, the future is bleak for me. I just want to end my suffering at my earliest convenience. The world isn't just going to get better, it's going to suck until it reaches a absolute bottom and then bring everyone down into the cesspool. I just don't want a part of that so when the time and chance is right, I'm going to catch my bus.

 

[Quarky00]

I feel similarly, though nothing achieved, it's just a matter of time -- a couple of basic things changing , which is not unlikely , then that's it .. I'm sure many people here feel the same, people that had taken a step back from ctb (active: date set etc) and wait .. I'm not sure that cloud over one's head and the 'wait' is that better . But I am glad you had at least achieved something Try to enjoy what you can. Life is frail ..
And yeah, the world is shit .