Help A pacific death to a Pregnant of sh*t.

[Sad.L0lly]

My life is always a mess. Never stops, I never have peace here.

Pregnant, I feel so ugly everyday. My boyfriend seems not realized that he's going to be a dad. Today I found a chat of him and I'm gonna break up and kill myself. I have Bipolar Disorder and addicted in drugs, I never stopped of useing cocaine and weed all my gestation. I can't tell to my familly and... I don't know. I always wanted to die, why don't do this before my son is born.

So, what type of death this sh*tty mommy deserves? Cut my wrists like I did before? Hang myself and it goes wrong again? (I tried three times). Jump off from a build or bridge?
Please, help me. I just wanna die soon. Fast.

Please, don't judge me. I have people judging around me all the time, everyday. Just help me with a kind of peaceful death, I deserve it.

 

[DarkWolf]

What method you chose is a really personal thing have a look in the resources/megathreads section. Personally Im trying to get SN.
I'm sorry you have it so rough. I hope you can find the peace you're looking for.

 

[Regen]

That sounds like a lot of hard problems. How far along are you in the pregnancy? No one has the right to judge you. You know what's good or bad for the baby, but sometimes everything is so damn hard that you can't do it. Blaming doesn't help.

If you decide to suicide it should be absolutely safe. The lack of oxygen may otherwise only kill your son, but not you.

If you need a perspective for you and your little one, then you need urgent counseling. When the baby is born you will have a different responsibility and the burden of a baby is unimaginable. Maybe foster care is good for you and the baby? Then you can see him regularly and continue to be his mommy! But you don't have all the responsibility and work. Especially since he may be sick or stressful in a special way due to cocaine use.

I wish you with all my heart that you find someone who will be there for you and help you!!! Pregnancy is very often a huge burden and very many pregnant women have depression. Nobody talks about it, because you are supposed to be the happy mother.

 

[Bergamot]

I think this baby can heal you, babies can heal everything take the chance, there is a people can't have babies so not kill him. You can sad,depressed, or have problem when you be a mom all the bad things are gone.
When are you alone you are free to do what you u need to be comfort but when u has a baby you need think very good because u can't live like before.

 

[Tackingintothewind]

I think this baby can heal you, babies can heal everything take the chance, there is a people can't have babies so not kill him. You can sad,depressed, or have problem when you be a mom all the bad things are gone.
When are you alone you are free to do what you u need to be comfort but when u has a baby you need think very good because u can't live like before.

Mothers dont always bond with babies. My own is an example of that. I gave her depression, and she ended her maternity leave four months earlier than she needed to

 

[Bat 17]

Might be an idea to pause CTB at least until after the baby is born. You might find new meaning to your life and if you don't, it's only a few weeks. You will also have given your son a chance at life and maybe things will turn out better for him, with you (preferably) or without you.

 

[Sad.L0lly]

That sounds like a lot of hard problems. How far along are you in the pregnancy? No one has the right to judge you. You know what's good or bad for the baby, but sometimes everything is so damn hard that you can't do it. Blaming doesn't help.

If you decide to suicide it should be absolutely safe. The lack of oxygen may otherwise only kill your son, but not you.

If you need a perspective for you and your little one, then you need urgent counseling. When the baby is born you will have a different responsibility and the burden of a baby is unimaginable. Maybe foster care is good for you and the baby? Then you can see him regularly and continue to be his mommy! But you don't have all the responsibility and work. Especially since he may be sick or stressful in a special way due to cocaine use.

I wish you with all my heart that you find someone who will be there for you and help you!!! Pregnancy is very often a huge burden and very many pregnant women have depression. Nobody talks about it, because you are supposed to be the happy mother.

I'm really thankful for your dear words. I'm thinking about let my baby born and after it I kill myself, letting him with his real family that he really deserve to have.

Everything is wrong around me, my disorder, my life, my money, my addict. Everything. This baby was a surprise for me and everyone. I hope to get a clear answer in my mind soon. Maybe this baby can change everything, or not? I'm really tired of all. Tired of job, of family, of my partner. Tired, just this.

Thank you, you are really kindness with your words. I wish I could hug you right now.

 

[Deathbydemo]

I'm so sorry you find yourself in this position. I can't imagine trying to understand the mental anguish you face, and I won't pretend to. This is entirely your choice and yours alone. Don't listen to the ignorance of others who have no intention of being helpful or supportive.

You can browse the resources here on SS for methods. Of course, I feel I have to suggest you consider delivering your baby before going through with anything. He can have a chance at life, even if you feel yours is over. Feel free to PM me any time, I am a listening, non-judgemental ear. Sending love.

 

[Sad.L0lly]

I think this baby can heal you, babies can heal everything take the chance, there is a people can't have babies so not kill him. You can sad,depressed, or have problem when you be a mom all the bad things are gone.
When are you alone you are free to do what you u need to be comfort but when u has a baby you need think very good because u can't live like before.

You're right. Like I said to Regen, I'm thinking of having the baby and after kill myself. This baby don't have fault. Ty, my dear.

 

[Tackingintothewind]

I descovered this pregnancy in 8th month. I'm not lying.

If you are already at 8 months could you wait for the child to be born? Newborn babies often get adopted. I believe you my friend discovered she was pregnant when she went into labour. That was scary.

 

[Symbiote]

See, these brash impulsive comments from Crusader isn't what OP needs. This is what gets people killed when they just need to vent or have a voice that needs to be heard. I'm sorry OP, that you're going through a lot and just wondering, how far along are you? Maybe there's resources out there that can help you out.

 

[gus.nixon]

@Sad.L0lly I sent you a private chat conversation. Please read it at your leisure. I'm friends with another woman here who is going through a pregnancy that I think you could talk to and really relate. Private message me and if you're interested I will give you the details.

 

[JigsawFeelin]

OP, please have your baby before you make your choice. If you weren't so far along in your pregnancy, I'd perhaps hold my tongue. I've definitely considered suicide 8 weeks pregnant but you're 8 months pregnant and your child should be given a chance,. you must believe this too otherwise you wouldn't be still standing there.
Have you seen a doctor and told them about your substance abuse? They'll be able to check out the health of your child.
Also, I'm curious. How did you not notice you were pregnant for 8 months?

 

[Makko]

Letting the baby be born is not necessarily a good idea, from the baby's perspective. If your drug habits damaged the the baby in utero, it's not going to grow up into a happy person. Something to consider.

 

[Tackingintothewind]

Parents : Bump, Baby and You, Pregnancy, Parenting and Baby Advice and Info

Parents : Bump, Baby and You, Pregnancy, Parenting and Baby Advice and Info

www.bumpbabyandyou.co.uk

I would imagine op had a cryptic pregnancy

 

[Life_and_Death]

Letting the baby be born is not necessarily a good idea, from the baby's perspective. If your drug habits damaged the the baby in utero, it's not going to grow up into a happy person. Something to consider.

yes. i know someone whos mother did drugs and now they are....i forgot what theyre called but theres a name for it and basically they cant take or do any drugs because they will get addicted (theyre basically born addicted too sometimes) (vague info, i know im right but i dont really know details)

 

[gus.nixon]

for anyone not from the US and not familiar with the gif I just posted, I urge you to check him out on youtube or whatever you use to watch stuff. His show, "Chappelle's Show" is about as funny as American sketch comedy gets. Might even take you away from your suicidal thoughts for a minute even.

 

[Life_and_Death]

Does someone who ignores you still get notifications if you quote them?

no, id be surprised if i wasnt on a few ignore list and i have a couple myself

 

[JigsawFeelin]

yes. i know someone whos mother did drugs and now they are....i forgot what theyre called but theres a name for it and basically they cant take or do any drugs because they will get addicted (theyre basically born addicted too sometimes) (vague info, i know im right but i dont really know details)

it's extremely variable. :/
An old friend's mother was a heroin addict, and although he was mentally capable, he was kinda shackled by the fact he couldn't gain weight and looked in his words 'different'. It was really telling that, before we fell out over me getting a partner, I was the only friend he had. And we'd met through a dating site. haha.
But then I also I know of plenty babies and children whose mothers whilst, not drug addicts, definitely didn't turn down the party drugs who are perfectly fine.

 

[gus.nixon]

Here's a link for all you "non-pirates" that don't steal:

Chappelle's Show - Samuel Jackson Beer & Racial Draft | Comedy Central US

Dave debuts Samuel L. Jackson's beer, improves boring situations with slow motion and reveals major upsets in

www.cc.com

For all you pirates out there like me that don't give a fuck, arrrrrrr!

 

[Life_and_Death]

it's extremely variable. :/

everything in life is variable. we're like snowflakes, its never/rarely the same (and yet people still like to think its the same no matter what ) i wish i was as pretty as a snowflake

 

[London2021]

My life is always a mess. Never stops, I never have peace here.

Pregnant, I feel so ugly everyday. My boyfriend seems not realized that he's going to be a dad. Today I found a chat of him and I'm gonna break up and kill myself. I have Bipolar Disorder and addicted in drugs, I never stopped of useing cocaine and weed all my gestation. I can't tell to my familly and... I don't know. I always wanted to die, why don't do this before my son is born.

So, what type of death this sh*tty mommy deserves? Cut my wrists like I did before? Hang myself and it goes wrong again? (I tried three times). Jump off from a build or bridge?
Please, help me. I just wanna die soon. Fast.

Please, don't judge me. I have people judging around me all the time, everyday. Just help me with a kind of peaceful death, I deserve it.

You are so close to delivery date and wondering if you are able to delay at all. If you share your feelings with the obstetrics team their concerns will, as you know, be about protecting both lives. Pregnancy can play hell with your MH and sharing your distress could connect you with other mums who are also experiencing this. Here some of our hospitals have dedicated pre and post natal MH teams so I dont know if you have that available to you. Some of the very specific helplines might be a resource to try get a headspace where everything isn't so so overwhelming. So many women have similar feelings in pregnancy and no one talks about it. Can see some vile responses from someone on here but please dont let their words make this worse. Your distress and wanting a solution is very real and ppl here want to be able to support you.

You are so far along that maybe they will deliver early if it will provide a short term easing of the situation . No one should have to experience what you are going through and wish it wasctalked about more. Hugs sent

 

[JigsawFeelin]

everything in life is variable. we're like snowflakes, its never/rarely the same (and yet people still like to think its the same no matter what ) i wish i was as pretty as a snowflake

yeah, I guess the point is that a baby born in this environment can be potentially viable :/

 

[London2021]

Yes, you should be. Go to hell !

Clearly you have your own serious distress but your pile on to someone this vulnerable is well out of order. You dont need to attack other human beings because you are hurting.

 

[WornOutLife]

Wow, this is really tough. I suffer from bipolar disorder too but things aren't so bad yet.

Whatever you do, I wish you and your baby lots of love and peace. This world is very unfair and sometimes staying here is impossible.

Just make sure you're 100% sure. Death is patiently waiting for all of us. No need to rush.

If you need to talk to someone, feel free to pm me.

 

[Life_and_Death]

yeah, I guess the point is that a baby born in this environment can be potentially viable :/

yeah, it sucks that in some cases like this one, your life is basically decided for you before you even have a chance. but again back to everyone being different maybe somehow the baby will turn out mostly fine or maybe they could be emotionally strong/not want to do drugs anyway and be fine in life. its impossible to know and that sucks the most because you cant tell if what you are doing is right or not and you wont know until its too late (been there done that, NOT with pregnancies to be clear. just life stuff i fucked up lol)

 

[gus.nixon]

Top definition of 'crusader' seems quite fitting
How's that crusade, going bruh? You teaching all them bad Mooslims how to act like good little Christians yet? Go get 'em, tiger!

 

[JigsawFeelin]

You are so close to delivery date and wondering if you are able to delay at all. If you share your feelings with the obstetrics team their concerns will, as you know, be about protecting both lives. Pregnancy can play hell with your MH and sharing your distress could connect you with other mums who are also experiencing this. Here some of our hospitals have dedicated pre and post natal MH teams so I dont know if you have that available to you. Some of the very specific helplines might be a resource to try get a headspace where everything isn't so so overwhelming. So many women have similar feelings in pregnancy and no one talks about it. Can see some vile responses from someone on here but please dont let their words make this worse. Your distress and wanting a solution is very real and ppl here want to be able to support you.

You are so far along that maybe they will deliver early if it will provide a short term easing of the situation . No one should have to experience what you are going through and wish it wasctalked about more. Hugs sent

This is an excellent point.
You're two for one in the eyes of medical professionals.
is anyone talking to Lolly over PM? Worried about the silence.

 

[Deathbydemo]

@Sad.L0lly How are you feeling now? Sorry your post got derailed. I hope you feel calmer since your OP.

 

[gus.nixon]

We are all very sensitive people who have joined up together here. If I don't agree with someone's comment or idea, I might say something, but it's all about how I say it. If I come out blasting, threatening to call police, etc, my comments and my position on the subject might be met with some or in this case, much resistance. In America we call this a "bed-side manner" and it refers to how patients are treated by nurses and doctors while stuck in the hospital. You can urge someone to think something through without shaming them, especially in a public post. I mean come on, we gather together here because we're all contemplating suicide. We're far from "normal." Most of us want to be done with a lifetime of pain. If you disagree with someone's thoughts, I urge you to be as gentle and as compassionate as possible if you really care to persuade someone in another direction. You all see how Crusade acted? Don't be a Crusade. Be human.