Story a little outburst

[letmeseethedeath]

I would like to have the strength to be able to escape from this house where my parents have just mistreated me, treated differently from other children, beaten and kept in deplorable conditions such as: without eating, without drinking and without money. I wish I had the strength to run away from here and find a job, but then I remember that nothing will change because I will have serious problems with myself (i hate myself) and with other people as I had in the past, I suffered abuse from some men when I went to school and I didn't even know them . I wish I was born boy and I was a handsome tall boy who was sure of himself. in this way I would have already run away from home looking for a better and rosy future. unfortunately it is not possible for me, because I have no support from myself, I hate myself and hate my body. I am so short(5') (i'm always depressed and sad because of it, i don't go out mainly for that) and full of feminine characters, I suffer from acute depression due mainly to gender dysphoria, i have serious health's problems and besides this I have to suffer abuse from anyone just for my female body. do you know what i think? I'm not for this world, so I have to ctb. i think everyday how to kill myself. my first attempt was in 2014, i was 18 but i failed. i always thinking of how nice it would be to be dead, it'd be 5 years of eternal peace if i only succeeded.

 

[RainAndSadness]

I would like to have the strength to be able to escape from this house where my parents have just mistreated me, treated differently from other children, beaten and kept in deplorable conditions such as: without eating, without drinking and without money. I wish I had the strength to run away from here and find a job, but then I remember that nothing will change because I will have serious problems with myself (i hate myself) and with other people as I had in the past, I suffered abuse from some men when I went to school and I didn't even know them . I wish I was born boy and I was a handsome tall boy who was sure of himself. in this way I would have already run away from home looking for a better and rosy future. unfortunately it is not possible for me, because I have no support from myself, I hate myself and hate my body. I am so short(5') (i'm always depressed and sad because of it, i don't go out mainly for that) and full of feminine characters, I suffer from acute depression due mainly to gender dysphoria, i have serious health's problems and besides this I have to suffer abuse from anyone just for my female body. do you know what i think? I'm not for this world, so I have to ctb. i think everyday how to kill myself. my first attempt was in 2014, i was 18 but i failed. i always thinking of how nice it would be to be dead, it'd be 5 years of eternal peace if i only succeeded.

I'm sorry you're going through this. I relate to your situation a lot because I'm experienced similiar things and it's still affecting me to this day. You said you experience gender dysphoria. Do you identify as transgender? I'm curious because I do. And I think I understand the aversion you're feeling towards your body. It's difficult and can cause severe depression. And I'm sorry your parents treated you like that. That's so sad. Children should experience love and affection from their parents, not abuse. I understand your regret about surviving. My suicide ideation started 10 years ago and I still wish I could have found a way to end it back then. I hope you find a way to fulfill your wishes. And I hope you'll find peace, whatever that means for you.

 

[letmeseethedeath]

yes, i identifify myself as a transgender even tho i'm not in therapy or i had surgeries. i'm so afraid of surgeries and i know how useless i am i don't deserve anything. ugh, my life is really so bad
about my parents, i don't know what to say really. i love them but they don't love me. they treat me like a beast, something like a mosquito just beating me