nomoredolor
Student
- Sep 7, 2024
- 158
I don't know when exactly I will die. I just know it's inevitable that it will be my own hand. I have made several preparations for end of life with an advanced directive, DNR and appointing an agent to handle my after death affairs. I have also started to plan parts of my celebration of life and a friend has agreed to officiate. (They don't know that it will be by suicide.) I want a letter from me written out and read at my celebration of life. This is what I have so far. Does it sound okay? I am curious to hear, If this was your letter- what kinds of things would it say?
Celebration of Life letter rough first draft
Dearest friends, family and loved ones,
I understand that this is particularly painful for you to be here under these circumstances and mourning my life. I do not dismiss your grief, it is good to feel your feelings and work through the pain. However I do feel the need to let you all know that I'm terribly relieved. This life has not been easy for me. I have suffered tremendously with both physical and mental pain. I have always felt misunderstood and have had immense difficulty conveying the depth of my day to day struggles and my suffering. I have wanted my pain to end since age 12. Off and on since 2005, but mostly on, I have earnestly wished for peace and for death. So although you mourn for me, please understand that as I am writing this, I am truly happy to know that I will no longer have to suffer in this life. And please believe me when I say that I stayed as long as I did for all of you. I wanted your connection, your love and our shared experiences. I wanted you to have more time with me and I wanted to have more time with you. Many times I contemplated ending my existence and I chose to stay longer- for you - my dearest loved ones.
Thank you so much for the affection and richness that you brought to my life. Thank you for caring and sharing time with me. Thank you for the laughs and even for the tears. I treasure this time in my heart and it has become a part of me. I am so grateful for the experiences I have had with each one of you.
Remember that ignoring something doesn't make it go away. It's important to deal with scary intense feelings, memories and situations. It's okay and healthy to take a short amount of time to dissociate, compartmentalize and focus on something else. But don't push it down forever, or it will deal with you when you're least ready for it.
Be considerate of others, be aware that you don't know what it feels like to walk in someone else's shoes. And what you can see of their inner lives is just the tip of a very large iceberg. Be open to new ideas. It is healthy for one to consistently change their worldview and belief system based on new information, learning and experiences.
"We are as forlorn as children lost in the wood. When you stand in front of me and look at me, what do you know of the griefs that are in me and what do I know of yours? And if I were to cast myself down before you and tell you, what more would you know about me that you know about Hell when someone tells you it is hot and dreadful?"
Franz Kafka
I relate to his writings so hard.
I did not write these tenets. But I encourage you to consider them:
I
One should strive to act with compassion and empathy toward all creatures in accordance with reason.
II
The struggle for justice is an ongoing and necessary pursuit that should prevail over laws and institutions.
III
One's body is inviolable, subject to one's own will alone.
IV
The freedoms of others should be respected, including the freedom to offend. To willfully and unjustly encroach upon the freedoms of another is to forgo one's own.
V
Beliefs should conform to one's best scientific understanding of the world. One should take care never to distort scientific facts to fit one's beliefs.
VI
People are fallible. If one makes a mistake, one should do one's best to rectify it and resolve any harm that might have been caused.
VII
Every tenet is a guiding principle designed to inspire nobility in action and thought. The spirit of compassion, wisdom, and justice should always prevail over the written or spoken word.
(Satanic Temple)
When life feels unmanageable don't forget to drink some water, eat some food, get some sleep, talk to a friend and walk in the sunshine.
I love you.
Anna
Celebration of Life letter rough first draft
Dearest friends, family and loved ones,
I understand that this is particularly painful for you to be here under these circumstances and mourning my life. I do not dismiss your grief, it is good to feel your feelings and work through the pain. However I do feel the need to let you all know that I'm terribly relieved. This life has not been easy for me. I have suffered tremendously with both physical and mental pain. I have always felt misunderstood and have had immense difficulty conveying the depth of my day to day struggles and my suffering. I have wanted my pain to end since age 12. Off and on since 2005, but mostly on, I have earnestly wished for peace and for death. So although you mourn for me, please understand that as I am writing this, I am truly happy to know that I will no longer have to suffer in this life. And please believe me when I say that I stayed as long as I did for all of you. I wanted your connection, your love and our shared experiences. I wanted you to have more time with me and I wanted to have more time with you. Many times I contemplated ending my existence and I chose to stay longer- for you - my dearest loved ones.
Thank you so much for the affection and richness that you brought to my life. Thank you for caring and sharing time with me. Thank you for the laughs and even for the tears. I treasure this time in my heart and it has become a part of me. I am so grateful for the experiences I have had with each one of you.
Remember that ignoring something doesn't make it go away. It's important to deal with scary intense feelings, memories and situations. It's okay and healthy to take a short amount of time to dissociate, compartmentalize and focus on something else. But don't push it down forever, or it will deal with you when you're least ready for it.
Be considerate of others, be aware that you don't know what it feels like to walk in someone else's shoes. And what you can see of their inner lives is just the tip of a very large iceberg. Be open to new ideas. It is healthy for one to consistently change their worldview and belief system based on new information, learning and experiences.
"We are as forlorn as children lost in the wood. When you stand in front of me and look at me, what do you know of the griefs that are in me and what do I know of yours? And if I were to cast myself down before you and tell you, what more would you know about me that you know about Hell when someone tells you it is hot and dreadful?"
Franz Kafka
I relate to his writings so hard.
I did not write these tenets. But I encourage you to consider them:
I
One should strive to act with compassion and empathy toward all creatures in accordance with reason.
II
The struggle for justice is an ongoing and necessary pursuit that should prevail over laws and institutions.
III
One's body is inviolable, subject to one's own will alone.
IV
The freedoms of others should be respected, including the freedom to offend. To willfully and unjustly encroach upon the freedoms of another is to forgo one's own.
V
Beliefs should conform to one's best scientific understanding of the world. One should take care never to distort scientific facts to fit one's beliefs.
VI
People are fallible. If one makes a mistake, one should do one's best to rectify it and resolve any harm that might have been caused.
VII
Every tenet is a guiding principle designed to inspire nobility in action and thought. The spirit of compassion, wisdom, and justice should always prevail over the written or spoken word.
(Satanic Temple)
When life feels unmanageable don't forget to drink some water, eat some food, get some sleep, talk to a friend and walk in the sunshine.
I love you.
Anna
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