A good way to warn and convince those I know of my plans to leave this world?

[notofthisworld]

One of the things that I know will be of consequence when I eventually do myself in is the shock, anger and disbelief those I know will be dealing with. I also understand that a "good note" isn't good enough and still doesn't explain "why" I made the choice. Aside from getting my affairs in order, is there any good advice on how to at least tactfully warn the people I know of my future intentions so they're not entirely surprised (even if it does burn bridges, a few less people in the way maybe?)?

 

[TydalWave]

I don't think there is an ideal way to warn people. Most functional people block off the idea of suicide altogether. Even if you are honest about your feelings, depression, and suffering, most people will never be prepared for you to leave. Likewise, more often then not if you tell people directly how you are feeling they will either think you are doing it for attention or threaten to get you "help".

I've spent so much time thinking over the same questions and how I can leave this world with the least residual damage to the people I love. I've come to the realization for myself at least that the best I can do is to put as much thought into what I leave as I possibly can. I think a good note can be enough, especially if you personalize it for each person you care about. You will never be able to prevent shock, but you can definitely explain why you made the choice you made and speak your truth, as well as tell each person who much you cared about them in a way that leaves a lasting impression.

I really do wish that I could be fully transparent about my intentions and have these conversations and closure while I am alive. It would make this process so much easier. But even if it was possible, I don't think it would ever be what is best for those we are leaving. The closer they are to your intentions, the more they will inevitably blame themselves for not being able to help. And it fucking sucks.

 

[jodes2]

I don't bother with tact. It's more effort than it's worth. I'd just be frank

 

[damaged_soul]

Please, please don't warn people in advance. They will try to stop you from doing it. Ideally, hide your depression and suicidal feelings as much as you possibly can from those around you, if you truly want to have the best chances of successful ctb. People are dangerous and gross will try to barbarically prevent you from achieving peace. The recent bill to stop this website is a case in point. I understand why you feel bad for others around you about the impact your death will have on them, but literally just don't. I am an empath so I know how hard it can be to not care about other's feelings but please, in this case you really shouldn't. Remember that absolutely no one is entitled to your existence. To think otherwise would be a violation of your bodily autonomy and self-determination.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I do completely understand that you want to try and reduce the impact on your loved ones. I think it is something most people worry about.

However, it's my personal feeling that it's unwise to warn people. I envisage one of two things happening. Either they might panic and get you some sort of 'help'. Either in the form of therapy/ meds- or- if they are REALLY convinced you may hurt yourself- involuntary commitment. (For your own good). If 'recovery' is still on the cards- it may be very supportive that your family know the true scale of the situation.

If they accept your wishes and don't intervene- I imagine they will live partially in a state of dread- waiting for it to happen. If you do go through with it, they will be left knowing that they COULD have stopped it- because you gave them clear indication of your intentions. I sort of feel the shock may be reduced but the guilt may be worse if you forewarn people.

That's just my take though- based on the people around me. You obviously know your family best, so, if you do think telling them would help- I wish you all the best.

 

[FuneralCry]

I agree that it would be such a bad idea telling others in advance. I believe that it would only just make things worse. After all, we live in a world where suicide is so stigmatised and where so many don't respect the right to die. I wouldn't risk potentially having ctb plans interfered with.
Unfortunately this world makes it so there is so much secrecy involved in suicide, things really should be different, people should be able to be open about their plans and not have to worry about being stopped by others. I personally believe that all anyone can do is try to explain through notes to at least give those left behind some form of an explanation.

 

[Drakkamora]

I talked to my best friend about my future intentions to ctb and my stance on how ctb should be each individual's right should that person choose to do so. I did so months ago. And each day she looks at me with the question in her mind: is today the day? When I came home from the hotel where I intended to tale my life a couple weeks back, she held understanding on her face, but her eyes held so much guilt for not even attempting to stop me, just to honor my beliefs and wishes. That look still plagues me even now. I can't even look her in the eyes these days for fear of seeing either the guilt or the unspoken question of when. Telling her, in hindsight, was possibly the worse thing I could have done. Personally, after the fact, I actually feel like a monster for dragging her even just a little way into my own darkness and disparities. I tell you this for the simple fact that I don't want you to add that kind of guilt on top of everything else you're feeling and going through. In essence, from what I've learned, it's not fair of us to burden others with our own end in such a fashion. To do so would be equivalent to leaving our loved ones feeling like our murderers.

 

[LookingOverTheEdge]

I talked to my best friend about my future intentions to ctb and my stance on how ctb should be each individual's right should that person choose to do so. I did so months ago. And each day she looks at me with the question in her mind: is today the day? When I came home from the hotel where I intended to tale my life a couple weeks back, she held understanding on her face, but her eyes held so much guilt for not even attempting to stop me, just to honor my beliefs and wishes. That look still plagues me even now. I can't even look her in the eyes these days for fear of seeing either the guilt or the unspoken question of when. Telling her, in hindsight, was possibly the worse thing I could have done. Personally, after the fact, I actually feel like a monster for dragging her even just a little way into my own darkness and disparities. I tell you this for the simple fact that I don't want you to add that kind of guilt on top of everything else you're feeling and going through. In essence, from what I've learned, it's not fair of us to burden others with our own end in such a fashion. To do so would be equivalent to leaving our loved ones feeling like our murderers.

This is very well written, and sadly I agree with it completely. This is exactly how I feel with the one person left supporting me. It's like I've put life on a timer for them, and they're always wondering if today is the day.

It's deeply unfair that we have to go through such misery and sadness alone, but it's also deeply unfair to shackle someone to our sadness and effectively take them with us. Life is a cruel thing