Venting A future I can't have

[RedLightMoments]

I'm not gonna lie a big reason I want to be CTB is because of futures that will never happen. Whether its having a stable family or a relationship that didnt work out I just can't take it anymore. I hate the situation I'm in and I cant change it because the past has already happened and makes me know more pain is to come in the future. I just want out of this stupid cycle of pain I don't even enjoy good times anymore even when I'm having fun I can only think about ending it all because I know that pain is in the near future. I just need to try one more time and secure N and I can finally have this be over. One last quest and I can be free.

 

[Darkover]

you won't be able to get N unless your willing to travel to mexico

 

[RedLightMoments]

you won't be able to get N unless your willing to travel to mexico

I have a potential source right now but need to research just a bit more

 

[Darkover]

I have a potential source right now but need to research just a bit more

the vast majority of N websites are scam so be careful

 

[RedLightMoments]

the vast majority of N websites are scam so be careful

yeah im still vetting it but this site has been used to order other non related substances and my friend has never had a problem

 

[FuneralCry]

To me it's really understandable just wishing to be free, existing really can be so dreadful and tiring. It's well known on here that there's no reliable online source to order N but anyway best wishes, I hate how such a peaceful way to cease existing is inaccessible.

 

[アホペンギン]

I feel the same way as you, I'm hopeless regarding the future and I don't see anything good happening to me. All I know that I'll do is ctb, its my only goal.

Also, I saw that you said you had a potential source for N, if its an online source then its definitely not legit, you'll have to be willing to travel if you want to have a good source. Sorry.

 

[RedLightMoments]

I feel the same way as you, I'm hopeless regarding the future and I don't see anything good happening to me. All I know that I'll do is ctb, its my only goal.

Also, I saw that you said you had a potential source for N, if its an online source then its definitely not legit, you'll have to be willing to travel if you want to have a good source. Sorry.

Mine is a darkweb market place I am into cybersecurity and got the website from another security friend

 

[prezmyl]

for me it is also these retraumatized repetitive moments of past decisions that already happened many years ago, but recent events reveals, how close I had been to getting the right choice made in any from the chains of decisions that would have not put me through another 6 year circle of extreme suffering and I would have been getting proper helped just back then and thus I would have been still quite young, had a path of recovery and closest person still with me. It is like a vortex. Now I can have lessons learnt and have a path to recovery, but it is just way too late, too painful, too hateful that I made not the right ones again.

For me it feels like a life is giving me the lessons, but they are no way free or easy, they can be way too hard to even survive for some people. I wished I had less challenging life for those lessons that I made even incredibly harder melted them together into one big agony. maybe the next one or non one.