N
NeverGoodEnuff
Specialist
- Sep 28, 2020
- 398
This is my first post here, after the intro, and it may seem strange but I hope you find it as funny as I do, in a sick sort of way.
Two years ago, during a good time, I gave my gun away as a defensive measure. Then, I again fell into the black pit and on impulse, went into a gun shop and bought a hand gun. The lady who owns the shop is in her late eighties and what a character. The impulse passed, I continued to struggle but did not have the nerve to pull the trigger on a pistol I did not know how to use. So I decided to take a class to learn how to use it. A gun safety class so I could kill myself. Makes sense, right?
It took a lot of deep breathing and self talk to go because, like so many here, I do not do well in groups, high anxiety, etc. But I was determined.
The class had several hours of actual shooting at a range. It was actually fun! I couldn't remember the last time I felt so good. More classes are offered but the whole group thing just weighed me down. So... I signed up for private lessons.
So, here is the funny part. All of the pro-life advice says to get a hobby. When one is so depressed and suicidal, really? A hobby? They gotta be kidding! I could barely get up and dressed, I can't tolerate being around people, you all get this. I took a gun class to shoot myself and guess what? I like shooting, have been feeling better, still think of CTB, but it's in the background now, like elevator music or music on hold. Because... shooting and guns have become a hobby! LMAO!! The other day, I told someone I would trade TP for ammunition. Figures that I found something to do and there is a supply shortage. Sigh.
I know I am just treading water and that the black pit will suck me down again. But for now, at least I can breathe a bit better. And when the tine comes, I will know what I am doing. Hey pro-lifers! You might have a good point about the hobby thing -- it may be a big help.
Two years ago, during a good time, I gave my gun away as a defensive measure. Then, I again fell into the black pit and on impulse, went into a gun shop and bought a hand gun. The lady who owns the shop is in her late eighties and what a character. The impulse passed, I continued to struggle but did not have the nerve to pull the trigger on a pistol I did not know how to use. So I decided to take a class to learn how to use it. A gun safety class so I could kill myself. Makes sense, right?
It took a lot of deep breathing and self talk to go because, like so many here, I do not do well in groups, high anxiety, etc. But I was determined.
The class had several hours of actual shooting at a range. It was actually fun! I couldn't remember the last time I felt so good. More classes are offered but the whole group thing just weighed me down. So... I signed up for private lessons.
So, here is the funny part. All of the pro-life advice says to get a hobby. When one is so depressed and suicidal, really? A hobby? They gotta be kidding! I could barely get up and dressed, I can't tolerate being around people, you all get this. I took a gun class to shoot myself and guess what? I like shooting, have been feeling better, still think of CTB, but it's in the background now, like elevator music or music on hold. Because... shooting and guns have become a hobby! LMAO!! The other day, I told someone I would trade TP for ammunition. Figures that I found something to do and there is a supply shortage. Sigh.
I know I am just treading water and that the black pit will suck me down again. But for now, at least I can breathe a bit better. And when the tine comes, I will know what I am doing. Hey pro-lifers! You might have a good point about the hobby thing -- it may be a big help.