Ifonlysheknew
Member
- Apr 24, 2018
- 31
I've always had this innate feeling that something is wrong with me. I don't mean like a mindset issue, but like an actually biochemical problem, be it mental or physical. Or at least I think so.
Now I'm getting medicated for bipolar. I don't know if I actually have bipolar tbh, cuz many of the psychiatrists in my country are pretty much pill-pushers. But I've kinda just played along with it because I want the medication. Though I refuse to take the conventional medication for bipolar, like Seroquel and Lithium (which I've tried), because weight gain/doesn't really help, etc, I've been fed a cocktail of medications. These, somehow helps me curb some of my so-called symptoms (eg. Lorazepam for sleep, lexapro, concerta, etc.)
But it's not a 100% fix, ofcourse. Somehow, deep down, I still feel like something is wrong with me. From things that happen day to day, revelations on things that apparently aren't as common, or are way more common, than I first assumed.
Just life.
Without a fix of something to help, like weed, I still feel somethings wrong. And the more I try to pretend it doesn't exist, the harder it comes back.
Nevertheless, I just feel really backed into a corner with this. I know I probably sound crazy, or I would sound crazy if I were to explain further (hey, maybe that's what's wrong!(?) I'm crazy!(?) )
Which is why I don't say anything.
But does anyone else get what I'm saying? I'm sure I'm not alone in this,
But I'm curious. How do you guys deal with this?
Due to circumstances, I don't have the ability to act on this myself without alerting the people close to me, so I can't exactly walk into a hospital and say "figure out what's wrong with me please" - trust me, if I could, I would.
Docs would probably think I'm crazy aswell due to my medical history of medications and psychiatrists and therapy
But what would you do if you were in this situation?
Now I'm getting medicated for bipolar. I don't know if I actually have bipolar tbh, cuz many of the psychiatrists in my country are pretty much pill-pushers. But I've kinda just played along with it because I want the medication. Though I refuse to take the conventional medication for bipolar, like Seroquel and Lithium (which I've tried), because weight gain/doesn't really help, etc, I've been fed a cocktail of medications. These, somehow helps me curb some of my so-called symptoms (eg. Lorazepam for sleep, lexapro, concerta, etc.)
But it's not a 100% fix, ofcourse. Somehow, deep down, I still feel like something is wrong with me. From things that happen day to day, revelations on things that apparently aren't as common, or are way more common, than I first assumed.
Just life.
Without a fix of something to help, like weed, I still feel somethings wrong. And the more I try to pretend it doesn't exist, the harder it comes back.
Nevertheless, I just feel really backed into a corner with this. I know I probably sound crazy, or I would sound crazy if I were to explain further (hey, maybe that's what's wrong!(?) I'm crazy!(?) )
Which is why I don't say anything.
But does anyone else get what I'm saying? I'm sure I'm not alone in this,
But I'm curious. How do you guys deal with this?
Due to circumstances, I don't have the ability to act on this myself without alerting the people close to me, so I can't exactly walk into a hospital and say "figure out what's wrong with me please" - trust me, if I could, I would.
Docs would probably think I'm crazy aswell due to my medical history of medications and psychiatrists and therapy
But what would you do if you were in this situation?