Venting A dream that I didn't want to wake up from.

[Bells]

Last night, I saw a wonderful dream that I really didn't want to wake up from. No dysphoria, no suffering, no self-hatred. In the dream, I was a cisgender girl. It felt so right, so correct. In the dream I wasn't even aware of the fact (that in real life I'm trans), it was just so normal, so nice. And then I woke up. I wish I didn't though. It's exhausting. I would give anything, do anything, to feel that way. To not hate my body, to not hate my voice, to not hate myself. To be normal, to live normally. But like damn, it can be rough sometimes to wake up.

Makes me wonder if that kind of peace is only achievable by CTB. But I really want to be hopeful about my future, about my body and myself. I really want to, but sometimes it's so hard. I mean, I have accepted the fact that I'll never be cisgender since, well, that's just impossible. But I feel like I don't need to be cis. It would be enough if the world would see me as who I really am. That I could live as my truest self and be not clocked as transgender. To "pass".

I just wanted to vent. Would be nice to hear about your dreams.

 

[Meditation guide]

I had a great dream last night too. I lived in a big elegant place called The Coronado. It was a huge hotel. It was fantastic. This morning I looked up Coronado since I had never heard of that, and there is a famous huge hotel in San Diego California named that. All my problems were gone in that dream.

 

[FlowingVali]

I had this dream where some random person handed me a pill. For some reason, i knew the pill would kill me and I swallowed it, eagerly awaiting for the effects to kick in. Then I woke up.