A dear recovery friend died this week, I’m struggling to see the point

[LowLevelChimp]

I'm struggling inside today, I found out that a recovery friend and mentor passed away this week after going back to drinking/using and signing himself out of hospital. He was instrumental in my recovery and I knew him before as a child/teen.

I can't explain how I will miss him, just knowing I won't see him again hurts. I'm still processing this, I just feel flat and empty, I can't imagine how his family is feeling, he did so much good for others but always struggled himself.

In my short recovery so many people I've know has passed through picking up again or suicide, I just sometimes feel what's the point, I struggle with self doubt and suicidal thoughts/ideation. I came into recovery from alcoholism after my last suicide attempt and he was there at my first meeting and he gave me hope. So far down today I just needed to put it out there.

I can't help feeling that there's no point to it all and I know I'm full of self pity but I do feel for him and his family, but like him I've been wearing a mask recently but planning my exit in private. I just can't get out of this chasm.

Sorry for this bit of self indulgent nonsense and thanks for letting me vent a bit.

 

[fleetingnight]

I'm so sorry

 

[wastingpotential]

i'm very sorry for your loss. grief never gets easier no matter how much we experience it, you're not alone feeling this way.

 

[Worndown]

Addiction is very powerful and relapse is common.
Your friend had a lot to offer but was unable to overcome this beast. That shiws hod difficult recovery can be.

Do you have others to talk to? Others that knew him?
Can you use his struggle as motivation to succeed?

 

[LowLevelChimp]

Addiction is very powerful and relapse is common.
Your friend had a lot to offer but was unable to overcome this beast. That shiws hod difficult recovery can be.

Do you have others to talk to? Others that knew him?
Can you use his struggle as motivation to succeed?

Yes, I have others that knew him, it is difficult but I'm going to carry on my journey my friend wouldn't want me to give up. Thanks for response.

i'm very sorry for your loss. grief never gets easier no matter how much we experience it, you're not alone feeling this way.

Thank you for your response, you're right about grief, it never gets easier. I've been able to talk to someone today and that has helped.

I'm so sorry

Thank you, I have been able to talk to someone today and share our thoughts with each other, my friend will be missed but we won't forget him.