Venting A bit worried

[Enigma25]

I am trying to do things to curb my ideations. One pattern I've noticed is that I get very lonely on the weekends, that leads to me thinking of suicide. I also have a bad mood around holidays, specifically my bday. My bday is coming up. I can see the tornado coming but I am not sure how to prepare for it. I am a bit anxious.

 

[Pyxel]

Are there any topics you somewhat have an interest in? Maybe you could branch out into learning more about those

 

[Enigma25]

Are there any topics you somewhat have an interest in? Maybe you could branch out into learning more about those

Right now, I am very hyperfocused on my suicide, and learning anything I can. It's not dark to ME but it's likely not recommended to spend my time thinking about it...at all, but not this time specifically? Theres nuance here.