Venting 7 days left to live... My thoughts right now :)

[plzoffme]

Hey everyone :)

Felt like making a post today to just vent and poor out what is in my mind. Its crazy to think in just 7 days maybe more if my ISO arrives late, this will all be over.
Its weird because in the past things would work out or a attempt would fail so I thought, hmmm maybe its not time yet. This time, nothing is coming in the way and
everything is working out smoothly. If you have not seen any of my post about the method I am using then ill go over it here again. I plan to OD on a substance that is
basically Fentanyl on steroids. This substance is called ISOTONITAZEPYNE which is a VERY VERY strong opiate, its basically euthanasia. It will cause me go peacefully and kill me via hypoxia, lack of oxygenated blood. SN does the same process behind the scenes.

Reasons for CTB
I have Bipolar type 2 and it just makes life unbearable. The highs never last long enough and the lows make me want to fucking die. The mania has caused me to make
decisions that now I do not have the energy nor the will to dig myself out of the aftermath. Also, life in general is shit. I did not go to college because I was perusing to start my own business. I was doing well, but due to my mental illness and a wicked chemical imbalance it all went to shit. I refuse to work a shitty job that I hate for the next 50 years just too survive. The mental health system here in America is dog shit and it will never cure me. I have been on numerous medications, tried Ketamine treatment, Tried mushrooms, ect... It will never end unless I end it. I do not want anything, money does not phase me. I have no interest in anything anymore and feel like I'm just a dead corpse walking around. I am tried of being a burden on my family, so tired of explaining how I feel over and over while getting the same feedback that I need to just try a new medication. I have wanted this for so long, even when my life was going smooth I still thought about death and dying. I have major suicidal ideation that is like a thorn in my fucking brain throbbing all the time :(. I had a major episode a few weeks ago and just ghosted my job. Now I am forced to CTB because I am pretty much out of money. I spent what I had left to buy what was needed to go peacefully. There is no going back, this is it. This forum has been a big relief to me knowing I am not alone. Anyway, If you read all of this Thank you :) I will make another post soon if not on 9/11 which is my CTB date... Cheers

 

[FuneralCry]

I hope you find peace from suffering, I wish you the best.

 

[CandyCane]

Maybe your problem is you are believing psychiatry. Chemical imbalances are unproven and Bipolar 2 started off as a marketing concept to sell more mood stabilizers. There isn't any evidence for it. I wonder if you'd still want to die if you read Anatomy of an Epidemic.

 

[MyShadow]

You and I have so much in common.

I too dropped out of college and started a business, then my symptoms derailed everything. Every single year, I would get close to success. I built a great reputation but depression would cause me to retreat. I could only fake it for so long and now it's time to end my time on Earth.

I hope that you find peace with your choice. I need to find that same peace in death because the loneliness I feel in life is already killing me.

 

[unluckysadness]

I wish you peace I wish peace to all of us here