Venting 5 year long ¨friend¨ doesn't want to hang out anymore bcs he has a gf

[Lijden]

He got a girlfriend recently and decided not to hang out with me anymore, while before that we used to hang out and have fun regularly.

Its also not like i DM him a lot, i rarely initiate conversations but this time around I did. Because we did not see one another for some weeks. He ignored my message.

Even his girlfriend asked me to hang out with them once, but he probably refused her offer because she randomly told me she is not able to no more. I haven't seen him for a while now (pretty sure longer than a month). Guess he doesn´t care about me the moment he got a girl, while I never did the same to him when I was in a relationship.

Today he sends a snap of him partying, I am pretty sure I was not supposed to see it as he sends it in a group and not in my private DM for a snap streak (like he usually does).

Guess people could not care less about you when they feel like they found something better and instantly disregard you. No matter the length of your relationship with one another.

I hate this world

I just feel so forgotten

 

[itsmeagain]

I know what that's like honey, I've had to live with all my friends getting into relationships, and then splitting. Then when they're single again, or there's a problem, they come right back to me. It's disgusting honestly and it makes me realize how close I truly was to them. it's just when everyone does it to you it hurts.

I'd say I don't think it's something that you can really fix, or they may even realize when they get offended. The people who don't usually do this are the people that have experienced this sort of thing before, you know? Then they learn not to do it to others. I feel really horrible because I never did it to anyone,yet they always do that to me and it makes me want to cry.

However, the best way you should deal with it is by nudging them and letting them know you're there. Sure, people will be more busy when they have S/Os, but that doesn't mean you should cease to exist. Truly thoughtful people realize this, and sadly, there aren't many left.

PM me if you need me, dear.

 

[Lijden]

I know what that's like honey, I've had to live with all my friends getting into relationships, and then splitting. Then when they're single again, or there's a problem, they come right back to me. It's disgusting honestly and it makes me realize how close I truly was to them. it's just when everyone does it to you it hurts.

I'd say I don't think it's something that you can really fix, or they may even realize when they get offended. The people who don't usually do this are the people that have experienced this sort of thing before, you know? Then they learn not to do it to others. I feel really horrible because I never did it to anyone,yet they always do that to me and it makes me want to cry.

However, the best way you should deal with it is by nudging them and letting them know you're there. Sure, people will be more busy when they have S/Os, but that doesn't mean you should cease to exist. Truly thoughtful people realize this, and sadly, there aren't many left.

PM me if you need me, dear.

Quick update: He and I talked today, told him i wish to speak with him. He said he had it a little rough lately and has been projecting it on many people ( even his own gf ). Hence why she invite me because she thought if i was around he would be happier. He apologized and said he shouldn't have treated a good friend like that. I told him i understood and we all have our demons to deal with. Actually, this was unexpected as both of us are pretty stubborn. But i was happy i talked to him about this nonetheless.

We will meet up together today and i am satisfied (something i havent felt in a long time).

Thank you for sending me your message in this thread, it made me think and realize you are right. Which in return made me feel better.

 

[waterbottleman]

The same thing happened to me when I was a senior in high school. My best friend of 12 years ended up dating the girl I "liked" (I'll explain later why I put that in quotes) who I had a friends with benefits thing going on with her prior and he slowly stopped hanging out with me spending more and more time with her. At the time it bothered me because he told her I was saying bad things behind her back even though I wasn't, also my mom had been diagnosed with cancer so it was just bad timing as well since I was already feeling down.

Once high school ended we just stopped talking to each other and hanging out, we went to different colleges, he was spending all his time with his girlfriend while I just wanted to have fun with friends and party.

However my feelings about what had transpired quickly changed by the time I was in college. I realized that I didn't really have feelings for her, I was just pissed because she was a somewhat attractive girl (to be crude, she had big boobs which I really liked but she wasn't super attractive to me either) giving me sexual attention and that was relatively hard for me to come by. However beyond that I didn't have feelings for her and by that time I had enough experience with dating/girls to make a distinction between girls I just wanted to have sex with versus girls whom I had genuine feelings for.

Furthermore my best friend for 12 years was always a really good friend to me, he was certainly better to me than I was to him. So I actuslly was happy for him and honestly I think she made the right choice dating him and ending the fwb thing wit me. In fact I discovers that a few years ago they got married, which amazed me. It amazed me that their relationship lasted that long and they married as high school sweethearts. That convinced me that he really did love her and ending our friendship to invest more time in her makes sense.

I'm happy for him since he was a good guy who I suspect is still a good guy to this day even though we haven't spoken in 10 years.

Moral of the story is that yeah it sucks to have your friend treat you that way, but it's important to consider how good of a guy he is, how good of a friend you are to him, and how much he has genuine feelings for this girl he's dating.

i apologize for all the grammar mistakes, I'm typing this on my tablet and it's making a bunch of incorrect "corrections" that I'm too lazy to fix.

 

[Darkhaven]

That's normally how it goes.
People tend to leave some things and/or other people behind when they get engaged.
Some guys tend to get cold and dismissive with their older pals.
Some guys stop doing things they used to love to do like playing videogames or going to the gym when they become parents or husbands or get a new job.
I don't give too much importance to it. That's just how life is. People become different, time moves forward, love changes and, sometimes, best friends become strangers.

 

[Marktheghost]

Quick update: He and I talked today, told him i wish to speak with him. He said he had it a little rough lately and has been projecting it on many people ( even his own gf ). Hence why she invite me because she thought if i was around he would be happier. He apologized and said he shouldn't have treated a good friend like that. I told him i understood and we all have our demons to deal with. Actually, this was unexpected as both of us are pretty stubborn. But i was happy i talked to him about this nonetheless.

We will meet up together today and i am satisfied (something i havent felt in a long time).

Thank you for sending me your message in this thread, it made me think and realize you are right. Which in return made me feel better.

Good to hear things are improving.

 

[s1mplem3]

Unfortunately we have friends when everything's fine, but if something happened we realize those people we call friends are not really friends.

 

[Beautiful_Disgrace]

I'm glad you were able to talk to your friend and clear things up. I hope he was genuine, as this situation happened to me and said "friend" promised to stay in touch more and hang out with me more. She stopped answering my calls and I haven't heard from her since.