5 Day Remain

[AresCohere]

On august 18th I will be leaving home to be away from my family in college over a thousand miles distant. This will either be the beginning of a new, better part of my life. Or, more likely, the start of an even worse state.

I keep being talked to by people I cannot see, I continue to have sleepless night after sleepless night. Every day when I'm at work, running that damn roller coaster, I look down into the tracks, and sometimes even move into position to CTB, even going into the tracks while the coaster isn't in station, or gleefully skipping toward them. So far, nothing has happened, and likely nothing will as my last day is soon. Also, maybe scarring dozens of kids isn't the best idea.

Also my parents keep looking at the cuts on my arm, and noting how it looks like I did it to myself. For now, lies about cat scratches and sharp metal at my job as even tricked "professionals" so I may be free… for now.

I live in constant fear of everything, and it's getting worse. While when I'm thinking logically to some extent, CTB seems off the table, instances where my brain acts beyond my control are becoming more common, and even my "logical" side is becoming more accepting of this seemingly inevitable fate.

 

[AboutTom]

i don't want to like "get a hobby" you. Sometimes there are things like this that you can't fix withouth medicine and you just have to find ways to cope. You said it's been getting worse, can you maybe start writing a diary about when its worse or better, and what might contribute to it?

 

[FuneralCry]

That must be so awful and tiring what you have to go through, it's certainly so cruel how people suffer like this. But anyway I wish you the best with your plans.

 

[AresCohere]

i don't want to like "get a hobby" you. Sometimes there are things like this that you can't fix withouth medicine and you just have to find ways to cope. You said it's been getting worse, can you maybe start writing a diary about when its worse or better, and what might contribute to it?

I wrote a diary and then someone found it and it made everything worse.

Any hobby I try eventually feels like a chore