Story 4th fail great

[angeldevil]

few days ago i failed my 4th attempt and it left me so traumatised i wont be trying it anytime soon probably unless i have another horrible bpd episode.

at first i thought it was going to be just dizzyness until i started to throw up and feel horrible. this was like my most serious attempt so i really overdid it accidentally as i couldn't control myself at that time.

to top it off i told my important friend about the attempt in the moment it started to get worse, just in case it actually worked but all he did was yell at me, told me that i was a horrible person, cut off our friendship and blocked me. i felt so numb then that i couldn't even cry at the moment even tho he was everything to me. all i tried was to make him aware and that i care about him since he was the only one i sent any kind of message about it but i guess it was a mistake.

i couldn't sleep or eat for many days and as autistic who gets sensory issues from throwing up it was so bad since i threw for a day like about every 30 mins.

i definitely got some kind of ptsd from this experience. im scared of doing that again and im scared of seeing that (ex) friend. ive had so many nightmares of him. i wish they would stop. i actually wish that i never met him. i hate my life so much but at least distancing myself from everyone else is helping a little.

 

[gehlertjohansson@gm]

I really feel for you. I haven't attempted yet, I'm so scared of the aftermath that might occur if failing. I have felt that reaction from people too, they get mad, even if I'm just hinting at it.
It makes you feel even more alone and hopeless.
Thanks for sharing the fails and that it could result in ptsd, I have been wondering about this. I'm thinking of you even though I don't know you.

 

[DreamEnd]

What was your method?

 

[angeldevil]

What was your method?

overdosing

 

[FuneralCry]

I believe that overdosing is generally not recommended for a successful ctb. Overdoses usually just fail. But anyway it sounds horrible going through a failed attempt and it's exactly what I fear. I really do think that it could never be beneficial being so open about suicide as many people won't even try to understand and that person really does sound so insensitive. It's awful how other people can be so cruel and just create more suffering.

 

[snailboy]

i feel for you, it's very frustrating <3