collapsing_lungs
Member
- Jul 15, 2025
- 5
I've been on lexipro for a long time now(8+ years) and a couple years ago after being "maxed out" on 20mg my psychiatrist upped my dosage to 25mg. Supposedly lexipro is an effective treatment for ocd at higher doses and other ocd medications would interact with my other medications I already take. It helped a bit until it didn't, long story short I swallowed magnets and lost about 3ft of small intestine. That wasn't an attempt, just me being stupid and ocd. After some more time I ended up getting a new psychiatrist who decided to up the dosage to 40mg. It's been about a week of being on this new dose and all it does is make me a zombie. My interests are no longer interesting and I have barely any energy to go volunteering at the zoo like I used to do.
My new psychiatrist suggested that I get a new therapist that specializes in ocd but i am so done with therapy. It doesn't help and everyone around me just doesn't seem to understand that it doesn't help. I've been in therapy for almost 10 years now and have had 8-9 therapists. Each time they end up telling me they aren't qualified for me and give me a referral to the next therapist who'll also just tell me to go somewhere else. My psychiatrist said that it's normal for therapist not to match a lot of the time but at this point I am tired of this system, still she insisted but I refused.
Therapy only works if the person actually wants help but what if I don't want help anymore? My father is actively trying to get me institutionalized for maybe that's where I belong. I know I will be institutionalized for the next time I go to the psych ward because they tried last time. I think I found a source of SN but I am still a bit unsure of the purity. I don't have access to any medication myself because my father keeps it locked up behind a door. I could probably try to break the lock on the door but there are cameras he checks while he's gone. I might just pick up pepto, fast, and hope for the best raw dogging the SN. I once came very close to ctb with Tylenol pm however I was found by my dad. If he didn't find me I would have succeeded. Don't ask me about how much I took but it was close to 100 pills at 500mg, the pm part was probably what made it more successful but I don't remember what makes the pm. I passed out and woke up a week later then sent off to the loony bin for a month.
I'll update about the SN once I get it and figure out the purity. Don't know when I'll cbt with it but it has to be soon, unless I find a good hiding place for it before my room search. Thanks for reading my little rant, this is my first time posting here but I've been in the shadows for a bit before signing up.
My new psychiatrist suggested that I get a new therapist that specializes in ocd but i am so done with therapy. It doesn't help and everyone around me just doesn't seem to understand that it doesn't help. I've been in therapy for almost 10 years now and have had 8-9 therapists. Each time they end up telling me they aren't qualified for me and give me a referral to the next therapist who'll also just tell me to go somewhere else. My psychiatrist said that it's normal for therapist not to match a lot of the time but at this point I am tired of this system, still she insisted but I refused.
Therapy only works if the person actually wants help but what if I don't want help anymore? My father is actively trying to get me institutionalized for maybe that's where I belong. I know I will be institutionalized for the next time I go to the psych ward because they tried last time. I think I found a source of SN but I am still a bit unsure of the purity. I don't have access to any medication myself because my father keeps it locked up behind a door. I could probably try to break the lock on the door but there are cameras he checks while he's gone. I might just pick up pepto, fast, and hope for the best raw dogging the SN. I once came very close to ctb with Tylenol pm however I was found by my dad. If he didn't find me I would have succeeded. Don't ask me about how much I took but it was close to 100 pills at 500mg, the pm part was probably what made it more successful but I don't remember what makes the pm. I passed out and woke up a week later then sent off to the loony bin for a month.
I'll update about the SN once I get it and figure out the purity. Don't know when I'll cbt with it but it has to be soon, unless I find a good hiding place for it before my room search. Thanks for reading my little rant, this is my first time posting here but I've been in the shadows for a bit before signing up.
