Help 32 years old and suicidal

[Ashmedai]

Hi. I'm new here. I've been suffering for 32 years… all my existence has been an agony and I'm willing to end it soon without much pain. 15 years of therapy and meds have changed absolutely nothing, I received only lies about everything and meds to dull down my senses. Now I had the last great failure with a woman (I've never been in a real relationship, always been alone, anxious and depressed) and realized that it's time to make the final decision. I already tried suicide in the past but ended up causing more trouble without any success. I read about SN and it seems the only way to obtain peace as N is nearly impossible to find. Please help me in my path, I'll gladly share more with you if you're interested. I basically don't have human contact at all, even my mother and my therapist have come to the same conclusion. Sorry for my mediocre English, I'm from Central Europe.

 

[lost1]

Hi firstly welcome to ss. sorry to hear part of your story your pain and I'm sorry you are here ... your English is fine BTW .
I'm new here too but one thing ive learned that this place is full of amazing people who are in the same boat as you and give great advice and feedback,
Explore this site post get things off your chest also search forum your find peoples threads and realise your not alone. I wish you all best if you ever need to talk I'm here you can click on my picture " start conversation "

 

[Ashmedai]

Hi firstly welcome to ss. sorry to hear part of your story your pain and I'm sorry you are here ... your English is fine BTW .
I'm new here too but one thing ive learned that this place is full of amazing people who are in the same boat as you and give great advice and feedback,
Explore this site post get things off your chest also search forum your find peoples threads and realise your not alone. I wish you all best if you ever need to talk I'm here

Thanks a lot, I feel lonely like I'm dead inside and it's been like this for years… just had a feeble glimpse of hope after years of solitude but it was all vain. It really never begun for some of us. I'm exploring the website right now, if there is a way I can help about anything I'd love to. I'm less than a human now but still feel empathy.

 

[lost1]

I know how you feel about being lonely and honestly this site helps.
Post vent things that are on your mind it will help. What gives me some peace is chatting to people knowing im Not alone there's nothing worse than feeling how we do and not having no one to talk to

 

[makethepainstop]

Thanks a lot, I feel lonely like I'm dead inside and it's been like this for years… just had a feeble glimpse of hope after years of solitude but it was all vain. It really never begun for some of us. I'm exploring the website right now, if there is a way I can help about anything I'd love to. I'm less than a human now but still feel empathy.

Sometimes just being able to speak to others, who are like us can be almost therapeutic.
Love and hugs to you, you are always welcome here. You ARE among friends.

 

[Ashmedai]

Thanks a lot for the kindness I hope my suffering will not last long.

 

[PainAndSadness]

Thanks a lot for the kindness I hope my suffering will not last long.

Have you gotten the SN?

 

[Cerulea]

Hi. I'm new here. I've been suffering for 32 years… all my existence has been an agony and I'm willing to end it soon without much pain. 15 years of therapy and meds have changed absolutely nothing, I received only lies about everything and meds to dull down my senses. Now I had the last great failure with a woman (I've never been in a real relationship, always been alone, anxious and depressed) and realized that it's time to make the final decision. I already tried suicide in the past but ended up causing more trouble without any success. I read about SN and it seems the only way to obtain peace as N is nearly impossible to find. Please help me in my path, I'll gladly share more with you if you're interested. I basically don't have human contact at all, even my mother and my therapist have come to the same conclusion. Sorry for my mediocre English, I'm from Central Europe.

Hey there, welcome to this space. I think you'll find that you can discuss just about anything you'd like, save for a few exceptions. Your English is really easy to understand and I wouldn't have known it may not be your native language if you hadn't mentioned.

I'm about your age and have arrived at a similar conclusion. I think when we hit this age we've seen enough to make decisions for ourselves on what we believe is best for us. Therapy and medicine are really wonderful tools for those they can help. I wish everyone who wanted to go that route had access. For some of us, it really does not do enough to keep us afloat. That's a common outcome, I've come to realize.

You're correct, N will prove very difficult to find. I have yet to hear of one safe or reputable source in the current day. SN, however, can be a different story. Plenty of members, depending on where they live, have been able to find substantial resources. Once you spend a little more time here and engage further, you'll have access to searching for exact information you want and others will be able to aid you via PM. The information you seek is definitely listed somewhere on this forum.

Welcome and good luck. May you find some comfort and control in your life.

 

[FuneralCry]

It really is such a cruel existence and it does sound like you have suffered for a long time. I hope that you find the peace and freedom that you are looking for.

 

[gimzero]

Imagine that so many others are in worst scenario and cant make a ctb for myriads reasons.

 

[outrider567]

Thanks a lot, I feel lonely like I'm dead inside and it's been like this for years… just had a feeble glimpse of hope after years of solitude but it was all vain. It really never begun for some of us. I'm exploring the website right now, if there is a way I can help about anything I'd love to. I'm less than a human now but still feel empathy.

'Dead inside' yes me also since January

 

[Hollowillow]

Therapy & drugs only invalidate us. We're gree here. Welcome to both new members! I feel like a rotting corpse... Pain... But being invaludated by the pro lifers is a cruel joke... I hesitate between partial hanging & sn. I'll probably order sn soon to have options...

Your english is perfect. I long for affection. My mom only gave me abuse. I hope you at least had a mom who wanted your birth...

 

[SunshineAndSuicide]

Hi. I'm new here. I've been suffering for 32 years… all my existence has been an agony and I'm willing to end it soon without much pain. 15 years of therapy and meds have changed absolutely nothing, I received only lies about everything and meds to dull down my senses. Now I had the last great failure with a woman (I've never been in a real relationship, always been alone, anxious and depressed) and realized that it's time to make the final decision. I already tried suicide in the past but ended up causing more trouble without any success. I read about SN and it seems the only way to obtain peace as N is nearly impossible to find. Please help me in my path, I'll gladly share more with you if you're interested. I basically don't have human contact at all, even my mother and my therapist have come to the same conclusion. Sorry for my mediocre English, I'm from Central Europe.

Welcome to SS, I hope you find some solace and answers. It's a great website with lots of resources

 

[locked*n*loaded]

Here, you are definitely amongst others who can relate to what you're going through. And with no judgment. Welcome to SS and I hope you find the answers you seek.

 

[theboy]

there is no age to be suicidal

 

[Ashmedai]

Thanks to everyone for the warm welcome. The truth is that there are lives (like mine) that are just not worthy of living. I agree to some extent that being suicidal ha no age, even a very young person can experiment an excessive pain… but I advice those that are extremely young to wait a little. It's around 25-26 years old that your life is shaped.

 

[SuicideRun]

Welcome, you are not alone with these problems. It's been a lifetime that I feel out of place, out of time.
I have lacked nothing in life, yet I feel all in my mind and on my skin the discomfort of being inadequate in this world.

 

[Ashmedai]

Welcome, you are not alone with these problems. It's been a lifetime that I feel out of place, out of time.
I have lacked nothing in life, yet I feel all in my mind and on my skin the discomfort of being inadequate in this world.

I perfectly understand. I don't feel like I belong to this world. My body, my face, my (inexistent) social life… everything about me does not match my interior life. Everyday I wake up but I would like it to end.