Venting 30,000+ Members & I Still Feel Alone

[_smile_]

It's crazy to be part of a community where essentially everyone has something in common but still feel so alone. How do you get past the mentality that you're not a burden to someone? That someone isn't just being nice and they DO actually care? Or is it in fact that they DON'T care? I will bend over backwards for others, but how do I allow myself worthy of someone doing the same for me?

The irony of this all is that I don't even have anyone in question.

Making myself vulnerable to others is so tough. And when it happens, I start to spiral. Perhaps I'll just take this benzo tonight to help me calm down. Hmm, I'm feeling a bit stressed, a benzo would be nice. Next thing I know all my benzos are gone.

I just want a friend. A connection. Someone I'm comfortable with. Who cares. And will be there to listen to my self depreciation and rambling nonsense. Where I'm not out on blast or judged. Chat and groups and servers are all great for the day to day distractions and fluff. But at the end of the day, when the hurting is at its highest, no one is there.

 

[juststitches]

Ohh, I totally get you in this one. It really hits close. Despite being not only in this but other forums dedicated to mental illnesses/suicide struggles, I still feel so... Lonely. I guess at the end of the day, the only person who genuinely and totally gets it is ourselves, right? But I still cannot shake this feeling that I wish so badly to feel that connection... I once felt it and it was beautiful, but it was so wrong with that person. I'm scared I'll never feel it again. It's so tough to genuinely have a connection like that. I've tried and I've tried so hard for the past year but I still feel as lonely as the day I started.

I think I've never liked big groups, not even in person because it felt overwhelming, and I prefer getting to know someone closely.

 

[Sulyya]

Even online there's an element of anxiety to forming connections, close ones particularly. A place like this is good for expressing yourself, feeling understood and maybe getting advice. Not sure it's the best place to find close friends though, that could go wrong. But we appreciate what you share.

 

[SexyIncél]

I find it helps to just reach out to people who said something that interests you. And talk with them about it, or something vaguely related. In a spirit of helpfulness or fun. Most of the time it's just a few words exchanged and that's that. But you only need it to go really well once or twice...

How do you get past the mentality that you're not a burden to someone? That someone isn't just being nice and they DO actually care? Or is it in fact that they DON'T care? I will bend over backwards for others, but how do I allow myself worthy of someone doing the same for me?

Everyone should feel entitled to some people being helpful. What's a society for, if not to team up to help each other do more? Not everyone will be helpful, and some who "care" are actually the opposite of helpful. But still, you're worthy because everyone should be

 

[dumpstermagic]

i am not online enough for most people. when you only get on at night and sometimes cant respond for days people lose interest really quick. for me at least i am always being real about what i say

 

[FuneralCry]

I think the reality is that most people only care about what directly affects themselves, they don't care about our suffering and you simply cannot rely on people in this world. I would prefer to be alone but I get that loneliness can be painful for other people to deal with.

 

[charlotte_]

It's crazy to be part of a community where essentially everyone has something in common but still feel so alone. How do you get past the mentality that you're not a burden to someone? That someone isn't just being nice and they DO actually care? Or is it in fact that they DON'T care? I will bend over backwards for others, but how do I allow myself worthy of someone doing the same for me?

The irony of this all is that I don't even have anyone in question.

Making myself vulnerable to others is so tough. And when it happens, I start to spiral. Perhaps I'll just take this benzo tonight to help me calm down. Hmm, I'm feeling a bit stressed, a benzo would be nice. Next thing I know all my benzos are gone.

I just want a friend. A connection. Someone I'm comfortable with. Who cares. And will be there to listen to my self depreciation and rambling nonsense. Where I'm not out on blast or judged. Chat and groups and servers are all great for the day to day distractions and fluff. But at the end of the day, when the hurting is at its highest, no one is there.

im genuinely sorry that u feel this way. its hard to find people that will spend time for you and listen to your woes, and im sure you're not alone on this one. but to be honest, I don't think this is the kind of website that you should try to build close relationships on. there are too many people, and most people are more focused about themselves. online in general is not a really reliable source. I'd suggest finding these relationships in real life, from community you're close too if you could. If you couldn't, then try to do something that could release your pain. For me, it is writing and drawing, but you can choose whatever works for you. Just you and your thoughts alone. Loneliness is not that bad once you've came to terms with it and face it. It feels rather comforting at times. At the end of the day, you are the only one who will truly be there always for yourself, so please appreciate and love yourself as much as possible. Regardless, I truly wish that one day you will find someone who will care the most for you and be there for you as much as you could. Best of luck <3