Venting 3 months later

[Wyldfyre4948]

Yesterday was 3 months since I lost my cat, and 13 years since my grandfather died. Today is 3 months since my wife left. We haven't spoken in a month and I haven't seen her in nearly 3 months. Last time I saw her she dropped off my cat's ashes and took her Cards Against Humanity. Since then I've struggled to exist and I feel like it doesn't matter. She left and still has all the power and makes the rules. It's currently an if/when she's ready that she will reach out.

The problem is that she took the car and is the breadwinner. So I've learned how to cook but basically get by eating cheap tv dinners. I've never felt like such a burden to the world. Being abandoned when I needed her the most has really left me in rough shape. She knows I have trust issues but therapy changed her. Coming on here and venting has been the only thing that has kept me from completely losing myself.

To make matters worse she left most of her stuff and I don't even know where she's staying. Her behavior is basically the same as her father now. Despite her dislike for him she decided to walk away from her spouse like he's done to several wives. Even her mom abandoned her cat when she got a boyfriend. Not sure if there is any going back, but I'm still dependent on her.

Yes, I feel like a fool for still wanting her to come back. I have the rebreather and it seems to work, but I feel like I need a contingency plan. My Halloween skeleton is basically a roommate now. It's been set up on the couch because I got sick of it just being me here for so long. Not sure how I'm going to get a car either because I make too much money to qualify for public aid. I'm trapped and dying literally seems like the only option I have.

 

[Inthewind]

Maybe you can get a roomate for the time being, tell them directly how you want the roomate relationship to work, like you want to rant or have someone chill who you can chat with every now and then, find boundaries, maybe a roomate rule set that you both agree on. So, you dont feel alone at least and theres someone else in the place. Secondly it is perfectly understandable that you are dependent and still want your wife, tell her to get her things within a set amount of time, (i recommend this so you can at least set a limit for yourself as well for how long to wait till getting rid of her things because having someone elses things that you love very much can make it more difficult to recover your mental stability) then when the time is up you can either try putting it in front of her house or her relatives place if you really want to orr burn it. Burning photos or things like that symbolize your attachment to them or the past of what you guys had.. It helps some people just visually see it so that there is no going back. Itll be tough but it may help.

 

[Lookoutbelow]

Yesterday was 3 months since I lost my cat, and 13 years since my grandfather died. Today is 3 months since my wife left. We haven't spoken in a month and I haven't seen her in nearly 3 months. Last time I saw her she dropped off my cat's ashes and took her Cards Against Humanity. Since then I've struggled to exist and I feel like it doesn't matter. She left and still has all the power and makes the rules. It's currently an if/when she's ready that she will reach out.

The problem is that she took the car and is the breadwinner. So I've learned how to cook but basically get by eating cheap tv dinners. I've never felt like such a burden to the world. Being abandoned when I needed her the most has really left me in rough shape. She knows I have trust issues but therapy changed her. Coming on here and venting has been the only thing that has kept me from completely losing myself.

To make matters worse she left most of her stuff and I don't even know where she's staying. Her behavior is basically the same as her father now. Despite her dislike for him she decided to walk away from her spouse like he's done to several wives. Even her mom abandoned her cat when she got a boyfriend. Not sure if there is any going back, but I'm still dependent on her.

Yes, I feel like a fool for still wanting her to come back. I have the rebreather and it seems to work, but I feel like I need a contingency plan. My Halloween skeleton is basically a roommate now. It's been set up on the couch because I got sick of it just being me here for so long. Not sure how I'm going to get a car either because I make too much money to qualify for public aid. I'm trapped and dying literally seems like the only option I have.

Lost love sucks. My girl has ended our 13 year relationship. I have nothing, except my suicidal thoughts. I feel your pain.

 

[Ligand]

You're only three months in so it's a little bit early for the pain to subside, so I hate to say it but bro she is not coming back. Even if she did come back, it would never be the same. The only thing you can do now is to try to disconnect yourself from her and to start building yourself an enviable life. As soon as you possibly can, never speak to her again and start investing in yourself as much as possible. The best revenge is a life well lived.

 

[Wyldfyre4948]

You're only three months in so it's a little bit early for the pain to subside, so I hate to say it but bro she is not coming back. Even if she did come back, it would never be the same. The only thing you can do now is to try to disconnect yourself from her and to start building yourself an enviable life. As soon as you possibly can, never speak to her again and start investing in yourself as much as possible. The best revenge is a life well lived.

I figured she wasn't going to come back, but that's because I'm an overthinker. I've spent the past few months thinking of every possible way this could work out. After 13 years of marriage and 22 years together overall I'm beyond hurt. She went to therapy to help our marriage, but it only made it worse. I'm hoping to be gone before I turn 40.

 

[Murt]

I'm in a similar place. My wife's divorcing me, she setting herself up to take the house and the kids. I'm a recovering alcoholic but doing so well now. Since I stopped she started going to Alanon and they just constantly tell her to break off. She's got so cold and hard now. Once the divorce happens I'll ctb. I can't take this pain anymore.

 

[Wyldfyre4948]

I'm hoping she changes her mind, but she will probably divorce me. My only hope is she won't go through with it because she doesn't want to give me alimony or any other money because she is the breadwinner. I've offered her several options and compromises on my end. She still has keys for the apartment and I told her she can come back if she wants. I try to be a man of my word so I'll honor that for now.

 

[adrenalinejunkie]

Not sure it's for you but I take a different approach in this situation. I would call or text or email too much and basically show my hand and she knows I'm desperate to get her back and this just ends up coming across as unattractive. If you are aloof, unavailable and without overdoing it just act like you're moving on. Don't reply to texts right away, if you see her or talk on the phone always end the conversation early - you've got things to do. Maybe you go from smothering her and looking unattractive to a little mystery and intrigue - which is attractive. Again don't know your situation but has worked well for me.