While I was suicidal and for sure wanting to die for a year before my first attempts, when I finally tried, they were definitely rushed. I won't get into it now, but everything came tumbling down HARD all at once and I was so incredibly overwhelmed that I felt I had no choice but to speed things up and go ASAP. I did what I thought at the time was enough research, but I just couldn't get it right. Like a lot of people, I just couldn't apply enough pressure to my carotid arteries to pass out. So I would get to the 45 second mark and my head felt like it was going to explode, so I would stop out of fear of only doing severe damage without death. Resources I found only from places that took a bit of deep searching taught me a lot more about it. I didn't even know of this site until a month later. I wish I knew then what I know now. It really is the end for me, and I know it must be for you too. A lot of people who still have hope in their situation will try to tell you it must be true for you too and that they've been where you are at all and it all turned around for them and blah blah blah.. while often times, though not usually intentional, will simplify and minimize what you're going through.. something so complex. If you're anything like me, this encouragement of hope on their part makes me feel worse, because it makes me feel more disconnected and misunderstood and much lonelier. Much love, friend.
