:/

[addictedfukup]

the worst part about wanting to kill yourself is its hard to do it :/ lame

 

[stopMotionSickness]

I figure it's for the better. For a decision so permanent, it seems like a good thing to test your resolve before having it granted. Impulses are krazi

 

[addictedfukup]

I figure it's for the better. For a decision so permanent, it seems like a good thing to test your resolve before having it granted. Impulses are krazi

which is why it feels so bad when i cant do it

 

[barleybarley]

I'm staring a new message to my family/friends while I figure everything out. It's though, writing to them when they won't accept anything I've tried to tell them the past decade+. It's miserable. Any ways to break it to them lightly that they are the problem? I don't know how to let them know they're the reason I'm like this without them yelling at me. I have a lot of psychotic problems given to me by them. Anyone have experience with that?

 

[stopMotionSickness]

which is why it feels so bad when i cant do it

And that's where a lot of people sit, I think. There's this huge valley between not wanting life and actually ctb'ing; I suspect that's where many millions if not billions of people around the world lie. And tbh, I don't think it's the worst thing on the world to be on the fence. I see it as just keeping your options open, which in a way is kinda open-mindedness. If you frame it right, you might be able to see that nothing is that serious, and the way out is there, should things get bad enough.
If you're comfortable here, no biggie; many people live functional lives like that. If you want out, then having the option to ctb can give you confidence to throw everything you got. If you succeed, then you've gained a more powerful ownership of your life than most people will ever have. If not, then let it be the momentum to ctb, and nothing was lost.
or at least that's how I'm trying/hoping to see it.