Venting 22 & was supposed to ctb 15

[all_pointless]

OCD, Bipolar, abusive parents.
I'm thankful for this site.

The thought of ridiculing myself into living anymore scares the shit out of me.

Don't want to be alive for another week, yet keep being depressed I hate it.

Method: if I could make sure I could find a tree, would love to hang in the most deserted place in my state so avoid any funeral shit. Probably walk as far away from point I leave the bus to the desert.

 

[glittergore]

I relate to a lot of what you've posted here. I also have OCD and Bipolar, planned to kill myself at 18 so I didn't have to deal with the adult world but didn't do it, and I wish I could somehow do this in a way my body wouldn't be found. I've thought of taking myself far out to sea and drowning myself. I don't have any words of wisdom, just empathy and the wish that some day things get better for you.

 

[AnxietyAttack44]

Im sorry to hear. Wish i could just die as well, or be completely alone

 

[Dead beat dad]

OCD, Bipolar, abusive parents.
I'm thankful for this site.

The thought of ridiculing myself into living anymore scares the shit out of me.

Don't want to be alive for another week, yet keep being depressed I hate it.

Method: if I could make sure I could find a tree, would love to hang in the most deserted place in my state so avoid any funeral shit. Probably walk as far away from point I leave the bus to the desert.

Hey friend, I'm so sorry to hear about how you're feeling and that you've been walking this dark path for so long - I think this feeling is something that many here will relate to.
If you've been looking to CTB since you were 15 and you're now 22, that's a lot of time and you must have a PhD in Pain, and that says (to me anyway) that despite how you feel now, you are so tough to keep fighting for that long.
I honestly and sincerely hope you can find some light and peace in your life.
DBD