Venting 21 Day Countdown to Suicide

[Crushed_Innocence]

I have rebooked my hotel room. THIS TIME I have nothing left to deter, distract or discourage me.

The date is March 13th.

I am in so much emotional agony that 21 days feels like 21 YEARS away.... until I can finally go to sleep and never have to wake up to another day of emptiness, regret, dussapointment, unquenchable longing, desperation, humiliation, feeling absolutely worthless, pathetic, so sad and like I just don't belong here.

I've sold about 60% of all I own, the next 3 weeks will be dedicated to nonstop CTB end of life activities: Creating scrapbooks, photo albums, a goodbye video, final letters, wrapping up bills/accounts/finances.

I don't want to be so alone & isolated in my last 3 weeks on this wretched planet. All I have is you my SS family and any men I might meet on a dating app to help take my mind off things.....

I plan to come here to post and support others each day for 21 days until day 21 when I get to my hotel room... where I will post my goodbye thread.

I truly have no hope, I was dead before I was even born...I never got a real chance to have a life worth living in my estimation. I only ask that I now I can feel as connected as I can before the cord is cut for good.

I love u SS Fam: PS - If anyone wants to connect regularly if you are on Discord that would be great cause I can't use the chat on SS.

 

[Melkus2020]

I hope you find what you are looking for on the other side. RIP. My time is much sooner.
What way are you planning to kill yourself?

 

[elacnt]

March 13th, the day before my bday.
I'm also waiting for March to start preparing to CTB. I actually already bought my SN, but not the rest of the stuff.
I guess I wanna wait for my bday to pass.
Why do you wanna CTB? (if you don't mind me asking)
Anf feel free to PM me to talk if you want to, I saw you also have problems with BPD.

 

[Indieblue]

You reminded me that i can sell my stuff for money. I don't know why i was just waiting for money like an idiot when i can sell some of my stuffs. So thank you for reminding me. I can order sn on next week now. Hopefully it will arrive without any problems and it don't cause any suspicions.

 

[AlreadyGone]

I hope everything works out for you when you decide to go through with it.

 

[one4all]

any men I might meet on a dating app to help take my mind off things.....

Careful with those men.

 

[TAW122]

I wish you a peaceful 21 (now 20) days of your remaining time in this world. I hope things go according to your plan and that you are able to find peace when your time comes.

 

[Broken Chimera]

I hope your last days go well. I'm sorry life brought you to this point. You can pm me if you want.

 

[one4all]

I can't use the chat on SS.

I'm sorry to hear you feel those emotions. I am not one to say "things will get better". Because i am not you and have no clue if they will or how you feel. I do wish that you finally find some peace in life.
Just curious why can't you use the chat here?

 

[Crushed_Innocence]

Careful with those men.

I dont even care anymore, maybe one of them will kill me

I'm sorry to hear you feel those emotions. I am not one to say "things will get better". Because i am not you and have no clue if they will or how you feel. I do wish that you finally find some peace in life.
Just curious why can't you use the chat here?

Itsjust slow & doesnt even work on my phone

 

[one4all]

I dont even care anymore, maybe one of them will kill me

Or maybe keep you around for longer.. and not in the most pleasant of ways.

 

[Crushed_Innocence]

Or maybe keep you around for longer.. and not in the most pleasant of ways.

What you mean keep me around longer? You mean like kidnap me & keep me as a slave in a basement or some shit like that? Nah... that wont happen. Im 5 foot 9 withno shoes..weigh 300 pounds..Im not the psychopaths typical target... But the Narccisist types sure love me! Why not get alittle more confirmation bias of how worhless I am to men as I exit this bitch. Im in full fuck it mode. It could be a very dangerous next 20 days & I just truly dont care anymore

 

[Jean4]

Love you. I'm here if you need me.

 

[one4all]

What you mean keep me around longer? You mean like kidnap me & keep me as a slave in a basement or some shit like that? Nah... that wont happen. Im 5 foot 9 withno shoes..weigh 300 pounds..Im not the psychopaths typical target... But the Narccisist types sure love me! Why not get alittle more confirmation bias of how worhless I am to men as I exit this bitch. Im in full fuck it mode. It could be a very dangerous next 20 days & I just truly dont care anymore

Well that pretty much covers most of the thoughts. As for psychopaths.. well i've never done the full research on what they will or will not do, so i can't say.
Yeah i've been in that mode for awhile myself. The waiting game sucks.
I would just like anyone's passing to be short, sweet and pleasant

 

[Largeletters]

I have rebooked my hotel room. THIS TIME I have nothing left to deter, distract or discourage me.

The date is March 13th.

I am in so much emotional agony that 21 days feels like 21 YEARS away.... until I can finally go to sleep and never have to wake up to another day of emptiness, regret, dussapointment, unquenchable longing, desperation, humiliation, feeling absolutely worthless, pathetic, so sad and like I just don't belong here.

I've sold about 60% of all I own, the next 3 weeks will be dedicated to nonstop CTB end of life activities: Creating scrapbooks, photo albums, a goodbye video, final letters, wrapping up bills/accounts/finances.

I don't want to be so alone & isolated in my last 3 weeks on this wretched planet. All I have is you my SS family and any men I might meet on a dating app to help take my mind off things.....

I plan to come here to post and support others each day for 21 days until day 21 when I get to my hotel room... where I will post my goodbye thread.

I truly have no hope, I was dead before I was even born...I never got a real chance to have a life worth living in my estimation. I only ask that I now I can feel as connected as I can before the cord is cut for good.

I love u SS Fam: PS - If anyone wants to connect regularly if you are on Discord that would be great cause I can't use the chat on SS.

I hope you find peace and solace wherever you go. It seems like you've suffered, a lot, and I hope these next 21 days bring the best for you.

 

[HorribleFeelings1]

I have rebooked my hotel room. THIS TIME I have nothing left to deter, distract or discourage me.

The date is March 13th.

I am in so much emotional agony that 21 days feels like 21 YEARS away.... until I can finally go to sleep and never have to wake up to another day of emptiness, regret, dussapointment, unquenchable longing, desperation, humiliation, feeling absolutely worthless, pathetic, so sad and like I just don't belong here.

I've sold about 60% of all I own, the next 3 weeks will be dedicated to nonstop CTB end of life activities: Creating scrapbooks, photo albums, a goodbye video, final letters, wrapping up bills/accounts/finances.

I don't want to be so alone & isolated in my last 3 weeks on this wretched planet. All I have is you my SS family and any men I might meet on a dating app to help take my mind off things.....

I plan to come here to post and support others each day for 21 days until day 21 when I get to my hotel room... where I will post my goodbye thread.

I truly have no hope, I was dead before I was even born...I never got a real chance to have a life worth living in my estimation. I only ask that I now I can feel as connected as I can before the cord is cut for good.

I love u SS Fam: PS - If anyone wants to connect regularly if you are on Discord that would be great cause I can't use the chat on SS.

I have 42 days left but I'm planning on CTB anytime next week or sometime in March. You are lucky to CTB soon and I wish you the best

 

[WEASEL1234]

I have rebooked my hotel room. THIS TIME I have nothing left to deter, distract or discourage me.

The date is March 13th.

I am in so much emotional agony that 21 days feels like 21 YEARS away.... until I can finally go to sleep and never have to wake up to another day of emptiness, regret, dussapointment, unquenchable longing, desperation, humiliation, feeling absolutely worthless, pathetic, so sad and like I just don't belong here.

I've sold about 60% of all I own, the next 3 weeks will be dedicated to nonstop CTB end of life activities: Creating scrapbooks, photo albums, a goodbye video, final letters, wrapping up bills/accounts/finances.

I don't want to be so alone & isolated in my last 3 weeks on this wretched planet. All I have is you my SS family and any men I might meet on a dating app to help take my mind off things.....

I plan to come here to post and support others each day for 21 days until day 21 when I get to my hotel room... where I will post my goodbye thread.

I truly have no hope, I was dead before I was even born...I never got a real chance to have a life worth living in my estimation. I only ask that I now I can feel as connected as I can before the cord is cut for good.

I love u SS Fam: PS - If anyone wants to connect regularly if you are on Discord that would be great cause I can't use the chat on SS.

With you when you need xx

 

[voyager]

Hey there, did it not work out with the guy? :(

Sorry, that you are in this situation. Had hoped you'd find some relief. Some hugs for you!

 

[Crushed_Innocence]

Hey there, did it not work out with the guy? :(

Sorry, that you are in this situation. Had hoped you'd find some relief. Some hugs for you!

Nope. I was right. Just a top notch player. Jeez. I really attract the darkest ones. Oh well, it was just a shadow of a hope. The grave is where I belong. 16 days left.... I approch it with solemn acceptance & defiant eagerness

 

[Jean4]

Thinking of you.

 

[vonvonwantpeace]

Good luck. You seem a nice lady.

 

[Crushed_Innocence]

Thinking of you.

Your such an angel. Thank u

Good luck. You seem a nice lady.

Thank u so much. That means a lot to me

Good luck. You seem a nice lady.

Thank u so much. That means a lot to me

 

[GHOST99]

It would be painful to know if your last days on earth were stressful in regards to the men on dating apps and the impulsivity that comes with impending CTB date. Please do things for you! I wish your last days on here to be full of relief and comfort dearie, the SS community is here for you.

 

[Crushed_Innocence]

It would be painful to know if your last days on earth were stressful in regards to the men on dating apps and the impulsivity that comes with impending CTB date. Please do things for you! I wish your last days on here to be full of relief and comfort dearie, the SS community is here for you.

Thank you so much for this...its just a testimony to the inescapable drive I have to find love ..grasping even unto my dying last breath I will be checking my messages..... yeah.. its no way to live....maybe ill go the spa.....

 

[Lost in a Dream]

Only 15 days left. Hopefully those last two weeks and a day will be as enjoyable for you as they possibly can be. Once they are over, hopefully wherever it is that you go to next (if anywhere) is better than this hellhole of a world we live in now.

 

[GHOST99]

How are you doing today?

 

[GHOST99]

If you have decided to go, I wish u the best.