Lostandfound7
Just waiting....
- Jan 21, 2020
- 995
Hey Fam. Lemme just vent for a min..Sorry for the long post, but...
I'm gonna just give u a NY vibe right now cuz I'm in my feelings. So, I'm not gonna curb my language. Picture Manhattan (pre-Covid) on a sweltering hot day, sirens blaring, a million cabs honking their horns for no damm reason, smoke escaping from street potholes, a billion ppl trying to navigate a tiny sidewalk.. Everyone PISSED OFF AND ANNOYED..
Me, today.
As a few of u know, my 31 y.o. nephew that lived with me n whom I raised like a son passed away in his sleep a few months ago on Mar.21. He was at his girlfriend's house after a night out celebrating his cousin's bday. It seems as if he got too drunk (lungs filled with fluid, according to coroner), fell asleep n had a seizure. We won't know for sure until the coroner's report comes out in a few months. I had the very traumatic experience of having to see my beautiful baby in the bed, dead. I cannot even begin to express to u the pain that I have been feeling lately. I have NEVER cried so much in my ENTIRE life or seen my husband wail as often n as loudly as I have seen him do as a result of his death. (They were extremely close n worked out together every morning.) Even writing now, I'm crying. I'm envisioning the horrific scene n hearing the body bag being zipped up n them carrying him out. I almost lost my mind n fought off 7 of my friends n husband, to follow him out of the apt.. I'm sure I have PTSD as a result of this...
Background: my older sister (his mom) and I were EXTREMELY close. She was my best friend. When he was born, I was in the hospital room, I cut his umbilical cord (which I kept until he was about 12), I was the FIRST one to hold him, I named him!, I bought his first outfit, put together his crib, which was in MY room and would wake up to feed him in the middle lf the night so she could rest. I STILL have his light blue knitted hat the hospital put on him...
Eventually, my sister married his father, n moved out. A few yrs later, she tragically passed away in a car accident on her way to work. My nephew was 4 and his younger brother was 1. Even tho she was married, my mom, my other older sister, and I begged his father for them to live with us. My brother-in-law, in his mourning, agreed and we loved on them n raised them. My mom sent them to the best of schools n gave them everything they needed n wanted..Even as a toddler, he was my road dog n went EVERYWHERE with me. Even on DATES...
I still haven't gone into or cleaned his bedroom or bathroom in the basement of my house since he passed away. I LITERALLY put a doggie gate in front of his bedroom door so no one can enter by accident..
My sister was an RN. She had a very hefty insurance policy and when she passed, my mom told their father, "Keep the $$$, just give me my grandsons."
Anywho, his funeral was last wk Fri. With the whole virus and NY being the epicenter, initially, when he passed in the early phase of the virus, we thought that it would ease up n we could give him a proper, normal funeral in a few wks after his death. He was extremely popular and had friends from all over and we didnt wanna deprive them of a paying their respects. He was just that crazy chill guy with a magnetic personality, whom EVERYONE loved n admired. As we now know, that wasn't the case n once the funeral home finally picked him up from the coroner 3 weeks after he passed, I got an extremely painful call saying, " Ur nephew has just been picked up this morning but unfortunately, since the city morgue was so packed due to Covid, the bodies never got the sufficient temp to b preserved. I'm sorry but we're gonna have to put him in a casket RIGHT now." She explained that he had "mildew"..WTF? She continued, "So I'm gonna have to send u some pics of caskets now so u can choose." Being a bit confused n distraught, I asked about his burial clothes. The woman explained that once they put him in that evening, they will not open again. So closed-casket..He was buried in whatever they dressed him in..The same baby whose crib I put together, I would now be choosing his casket. (My mom is in FL and couldn't travel due to Covid, plus I also tried sparing the details of everything with her.) Devastation is putting it mildly.
Now, for my VENT, it's amazing how u can b there for ppl in their times of need, whether it b financially, emotionally, physically, WHATEVER THE FUCK "LY" U WANNA USE, then when the rare opportunity comes n u need them- GHOST!
Thankfully, I have a very tight support group in my friends, who have been there for me EVERY step of the way. Including when I got the call that he passed. My SIX close friends n sister in laws raced to the scene.
I had "FAMILY" members n some "friends" whom I have gone OUT OF MY WAY to support in their times of need TEXT me to give me their condolences! Some "friends" who I have bent over backwards for, who live 19 minutes from me, not even call to see if I ate n drop off food, while I have fed them.
What sealed it, is these "family" and "friends" not coming to his funeral last wk or to my home after for the repass and STILL NOT CALLING.
So, 2020 has been a very eventful yr for me, well everyone. Particularly, it has revealed the hearts of those around me.
In the beginning of the yr, I was shouting, "Yeah! 20/20 vision for my destiny, dreams, etc!!" HOWEVER, what it has been is 20/20 vision in WHO'S WHO in my life.
Sooooo NOW, I'M REMOVING MY FUCKING N95 MASK AND RAISING A GLOVED MIDDLE FINGER TO ALL THOSE FUCKIN' FAKE ONES AND SHOUTING 'FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU AND FUCK YOU TOO' !!!!! U GET A MIDDLE FINGER! U GET A MIDDLE FINGER! U GET A MIDDLE FINGER! #OPRAH-STYLE!!
This morning, I sent a mass text to my "family", cursing them out. I'm about to call up one of my "friends" n let her have it too. I got time tuhday!! My mom has traveled from FL to support EVERYONE for funerals, weddings, etc, n now everyone is silent in our time of need?!!!
I sent a very scathing text to my "family" in a group chat, then blocked EVERY last one of them! FUCK THEM!!! And if they call me, I'M GONNA FUCKING BLAST THEM LIVE AND DIRECT!!
My nephew was such a beautiful soul. No one loved life more than he did.
One thing he told me last yr that will stick with me til the day i die. I was scolding him for not speaking to his cousin that betrayed him, and something that I even put on the cover of his funeral program. He said:
"Aunty, BLOOD MAKES US RELATED. LOYALTY MAKES US FAMILY."
It showed cuz even during this pandemic, he had approx 100 friends come to the wake (what social distancing?) AND about 40 cars to the burial site (what 2 car, 10 person limit?). He was very popular as a physical trainer and well-loved by everyone..Somehow, the cemetery allowed us to all drive on the grounds, as long as we stayed at a distance while they lowered him..His friends were LOYAL to the end.
TO THE REST OF MY "FAMILY"/ "FRIENDS" WHO DIDNT COME OR CHECK ON ME AND MY FAM, FUCK THEM!!!
TAKE CARE OF YOU, MY LOVES!! ANYONE THAT'S NOT ROCKIN' WIT' U, FUUUUUUUUCK 'EM!!!
I will spend the rest of today CURSING ALL THOSE WHO DESERVE IT, THE FUCK OUT!! (Maybe I should postpone my Walmart trip..lol)
20/20 VISION BITCHEZZZZ!!!
I'M TIRED OF FUCKERZ TAKING ADVANTAGE OF ME!
Ty for reading this very long rant..YOU ARE MY FAMILY! LOVE U GUYS!
HAVE AN AMAZING DAY AND DON'T LET ANYONE DISTURB YOUR PEACE! TELL THEM TO FUCK OFF N KEEP IT MOVING!!!♡♡♡♡♡
I'm gonna just give u a NY vibe right now cuz I'm in my feelings. So, I'm not gonna curb my language. Picture Manhattan (pre-Covid) on a sweltering hot day, sirens blaring, a million cabs honking their horns for no damm reason, smoke escaping from street potholes, a billion ppl trying to navigate a tiny sidewalk.. Everyone PISSED OFF AND ANNOYED..
Me, today.
As a few of u know, my 31 y.o. nephew that lived with me n whom I raised like a son passed away in his sleep a few months ago on Mar.21. He was at his girlfriend's house after a night out celebrating his cousin's bday. It seems as if he got too drunk (lungs filled with fluid, according to coroner), fell asleep n had a seizure. We won't know for sure until the coroner's report comes out in a few months. I had the very traumatic experience of having to see my beautiful baby in the bed, dead. I cannot even begin to express to u the pain that I have been feeling lately. I have NEVER cried so much in my ENTIRE life or seen my husband wail as often n as loudly as I have seen him do as a result of his death. (They were extremely close n worked out together every morning.) Even writing now, I'm crying. I'm envisioning the horrific scene n hearing the body bag being zipped up n them carrying him out. I almost lost my mind n fought off 7 of my friends n husband, to follow him out of the apt.. I'm sure I have PTSD as a result of this...
Background: my older sister (his mom) and I were EXTREMELY close. She was my best friend. When he was born, I was in the hospital room, I cut his umbilical cord (which I kept until he was about 12), I was the FIRST one to hold him, I named him!, I bought his first outfit, put together his crib, which was in MY room and would wake up to feed him in the middle lf the night so she could rest. I STILL have his light blue knitted hat the hospital put on him...
Eventually, my sister married his father, n moved out. A few yrs later, she tragically passed away in a car accident on her way to work. My nephew was 4 and his younger brother was 1. Even tho she was married, my mom, my other older sister, and I begged his father for them to live with us. My brother-in-law, in his mourning, agreed and we loved on them n raised them. My mom sent them to the best of schools n gave them everything they needed n wanted..Even as a toddler, he was my road dog n went EVERYWHERE with me. Even on DATES...
I still haven't gone into or cleaned his bedroom or bathroom in the basement of my house since he passed away. I LITERALLY put a doggie gate in front of his bedroom door so no one can enter by accident..
My sister was an RN. She had a very hefty insurance policy and when she passed, my mom told their father, "Keep the $$$, just give me my grandsons."
Anywho, his funeral was last wk Fri. With the whole virus and NY being the epicenter, initially, when he passed in the early phase of the virus, we thought that it would ease up n we could give him a proper, normal funeral in a few wks after his death. He was extremely popular and had friends from all over and we didnt wanna deprive them of a paying their respects. He was just that crazy chill guy with a magnetic personality, whom EVERYONE loved n admired. As we now know, that wasn't the case n once the funeral home finally picked him up from the coroner 3 weeks after he passed, I got an extremely painful call saying, " Ur nephew has just been picked up this morning but unfortunately, since the city morgue was so packed due to Covid, the bodies never got the sufficient temp to b preserved. I'm sorry but we're gonna have to put him in a casket RIGHT now." She explained that he had "mildew"..WTF? She continued, "So I'm gonna have to send u some pics of caskets now so u can choose." Being a bit confused n distraught, I asked about his burial clothes. The woman explained that once they put him in that evening, they will not open again. So closed-casket..He was buried in whatever they dressed him in..The same baby whose crib I put together, I would now be choosing his casket. (My mom is in FL and couldn't travel due to Covid, plus I also tried sparing the details of everything with her.) Devastation is putting it mildly.
Now, for my VENT, it's amazing how u can b there for ppl in their times of need, whether it b financially, emotionally, physically, WHATEVER THE FUCK "LY" U WANNA USE, then when the rare opportunity comes n u need them- GHOST!
Thankfully, I have a very tight support group in my friends, who have been there for me EVERY step of the way. Including when I got the call that he passed. My SIX close friends n sister in laws raced to the scene.
I had "FAMILY" members n some "friends" whom I have gone OUT OF MY WAY to support in their times of need TEXT me to give me their condolences! Some "friends" who I have bent over backwards for, who live 19 minutes from me, not even call to see if I ate n drop off food, while I have fed them.
What sealed it, is these "family" and "friends" not coming to his funeral last wk or to my home after for the repass and STILL NOT CALLING.
So, 2020 has been a very eventful yr for me, well everyone. Particularly, it has revealed the hearts of those around me.
In the beginning of the yr, I was shouting, "Yeah! 20/20 vision for my destiny, dreams, etc!!" HOWEVER, what it has been is 20/20 vision in WHO'S WHO in my life.
Sooooo NOW, I'M REMOVING MY FUCKING N95 MASK AND RAISING A GLOVED MIDDLE FINGER TO ALL THOSE FUCKIN' FAKE ONES AND SHOUTING 'FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU AND FUCK YOU TOO' !!!!! U GET A MIDDLE FINGER! U GET A MIDDLE FINGER! U GET A MIDDLE FINGER! #OPRAH-STYLE!!
This morning, I sent a mass text to my "family", cursing them out. I'm about to call up one of my "friends" n let her have it too. I got time tuhday!! My mom has traveled from FL to support EVERYONE for funerals, weddings, etc, n now everyone is silent in our time of need?!!!
I sent a very scathing text to my "family" in a group chat, then blocked EVERY last one of them! FUCK THEM!!! And if they call me, I'M GONNA FUCKING BLAST THEM LIVE AND DIRECT!!
My nephew was such a beautiful soul. No one loved life more than he did.
One thing he told me last yr that will stick with me til the day i die. I was scolding him for not speaking to his cousin that betrayed him, and something that I even put on the cover of his funeral program. He said:
"Aunty, BLOOD MAKES US RELATED. LOYALTY MAKES US FAMILY."
It showed cuz even during this pandemic, he had approx 100 friends come to the wake (what social distancing?) AND about 40 cars to the burial site (what 2 car, 10 person limit?). He was very popular as a physical trainer and well-loved by everyone..Somehow, the cemetery allowed us to all drive on the grounds, as long as we stayed at a distance while they lowered him..His friends were LOYAL to the end.
TO THE REST OF MY "FAMILY"/ "FRIENDS" WHO DIDNT COME OR CHECK ON ME AND MY FAM, FUCK THEM!!!
TAKE CARE OF YOU, MY LOVES!! ANYONE THAT'S NOT ROCKIN' WIT' U, FUUUUUUUUCK 'EM!!!
I will spend the rest of today CURSING ALL THOSE WHO DESERVE IT, THE FUCK OUT!! (Maybe I should postpone my Walmart trip..lol)
20/20 VISION BITCHEZZZZ!!!
I'M TIRED OF FUCKERZ TAKING ADVANTAGE OF ME!
Ty for reading this very long rant..YOU ARE MY FAMILY! LOVE U GUYS!
HAVE AN AMAZING DAY AND DON'T LET ANYONE DISTURB YOUR PEACE! TELL THEM TO FUCK OFF N KEEP IT MOVING!!!♡♡♡♡♡
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