Help 17-25 august

[woxihuanni]

The following ten days will be particularly difficult for me , this thread is a call for help to tide me over this period. To avoid the moments where I am likely to say 'fuck it' and drink my SN.

In brief summary, my death is rather overdue, but I stick to life like a sticky piece of shit that won't come off. It's rather cringe inducing for people around me, how much I want to live. If anybody can draw, they might draw me as a corpse that's refusing to climb down to its grave and rest but makes trouble for the nicely-dressed funeral crowd. Sort of.

 

[braketimez]

Is there anything in particular that is making these feelings worse right now?

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

It's rather cringe inducing for people around me, how much I want to live.

Why is it cringe-inducing? Wanting to live is not a bad thing at all. Can you elaborate on the reasons why you want to live? Those reasons may very well be the things that bring you joy, and if you can forge a path that encounters those things in abundance, then perhaps your outlook will change. If you haven't taken that SN yet, maybe you believe yourself that there are still options available to you. Thoughts?

 

[woxihuanni]

Is there anything in particular that is making these feelings worse right now?

Yes... I'm alone in the house and ostracised, which I could cope with out of sheer desentising to torture. However it was topped off with a nice cherry of a fresh kind of betrayal. Right now fury is just bubbling up.

Why is it cringe-inducing? Wanting to live is not a bad thing at all. Can you elaborate on the reasons why you want to live? Those reasons may very well be the things that bring you joy, and if you can forge a path that encounters those things in abundance, then perhaps your outlook will change. If you haven't taken that SN yet, maybe you believe yourself that there are still options available to you. Thoughts?

I want to live for the same reasons any animal does, but there is not a chance in hell to meet my pathetically simple needs. You know, the bottom layers of Maslow's pyramid. The baseline for me is hoping aganist hope and working extremely hard against the inevitable moment somebody pushes me over a cliff. This is just a worse phase of it.

 

[braketimez]

Yes... I'm alone in the house and ostracised, which I could cope with out of sheer desentising to torture. However it was topped off with a nice cherry of a fresh kind of betrayal. Right now fury is just bubbling up.

I'm really sorry you're being treated this way. It sounds like you don't have much emotional support where you live at all?

 

[woxihuanni]

I'm really sorry you're being treated this way. It sounds like you don't have much emotional support where you live at all?

Thank you No emotional support would be fine if somebody was not literally punishing me for still not being dead.

 

[braketimez]

Thank you No emotional support would be fine if somebody was not literally punishing me for still not being dead.

Is this someone in your own family?

 

[woxihuanni]

Is this someone in your own family?

My estranged/complicated spouse. So yes, the only family I have.

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

I want to live for the same reasons any animal does, but there is not a chance in hell to meet my pathetically simple needs. You know, the bottom layers of Maslow's pyramid. The baseline for me is hoping against hope and working extremely hard against the inevitable moment somebody pushes me over a cliff. This is just a worse phase of it.

Okay... let's use Maslow, then, to help shed some more light on your situation. I guess I would just like to know more, if you're comfortable sharing. I'll just address the bottom three levels.
Level 1 - food, water, shelter. Are you deprived of these things? What is your financial and living situation like? There are systems that exist in most communities to help address these needs.
Level 2 - security, safety. Are you in danger? Are there abusive people around you?
Level 3 - friends, relationships. This is difficult for a lot of people here, I think. Often there are anxiety disorders or other factors that keep us from making friends. SS is a great community, though.

 

[braketimez]

My estranged/complicated spouse. So yes, the only family I have.

Wow. That's incredibly neglectful of them. Have they always been like this?

 

[woxihuanni]

Okay... let's use Maslow, then, to help shed some more light on your situation. I guess I would just like to know more, if you're comfortable sharing. I'll just address the bottom three levels.
Level 1 - food, water, shelter. Are you deprived of these things? What is your financial and living situation like? There are systems that exist in most communities to help address these needs.
Level 2 - security, safety. Are you in danger? Are there abusive people around you?
Level 3 - friends, relationships. This is difficult for a lot of people here, I think. Often there are anxiety disorders or other factors that keep us from making friends. SS is a great community, though.

I only have a suitcase, and a spouse who a) stole everything else from me b) forces me to kill myself. It'd be OK if they were even doing this of their own volution, you know, garden-variety psychopath. But no, they are doing this because their 'ex' does not allow them to marry again. I know how precisely ridiculous that sounds, but that's an issue to take up with them, not me.

Apparently all the blood they sucked out of me was not enough. Recently I brought a new hobby in this loser's life. The hobby they share with their 'ex' was losing luster (they are away on an illegal partying spree to keep it up, but it's not working much. They're just spreading corona wilfully.) This was all good, but as a parting shot they took the tools of .my. hobby with them. Haha, apparently all the blood they sucked out of me was not enough, so I provided a new exciting thing for them to steal from me and fuel their zombie fire. 40-odd year olds who couldn't manage to fuck fifteen years ago, who married other people.

Maybe I should just call the police and tell of their illegal doings.

Wow. That's incredibly neglectful of them. Have they always been like this?

Just after luring me in, as these things generally go. But in hindsight, it is clear I was subhuman all along in their eyes.