Unexpected, real, short, flawed. Now it's sort of a cherry on top. Any security granted in life exists on a timer. Hard to look forward considering nearly nothing I believed in stuck around, or worked out. Maybe it's complacency. No one asking if I'm okay has been tough. My hands still tremble. Carrying a lot of guilt.
Attempted partial hang twice, SI kicked in. Feels pathetic. New habits like bruising formed. It's embarrassing. Can't stop drinking. Dragging my body. Going for SN. Considering CBT 14th of next month or sooner. Wrestling with issues it will cause along with the perception of me, particularly to those I care about, that have done much. They don't deserve it. But on the other hand, people do what's easiest; they've always moved on from me, no reason to change.
You ever reach a point where you just know? Or maybe you realize only after looking back at the crossroad. This time, I can't tell which path I've taken. I don't see a forward, yet a turn has taken place. Can't shake that something died or shifted. Maybe it's the tipping point. For the first time, I'm truly not the person I was. I feel completely warped and overwhelmed. I don't think I can get through this one. Maybe it finally hit that life should have been worth living this entire time.
Hard to face every new day. No matter how hard you try, you're still here. I haven't been eating or sleeping for a couple months now. You don't deserve a life that shits all over you. Caught between wanting the pain to end, and the silver lining that is the few wonderful people I love. They deserve someone better, too. If only I was the person people think I am. No one IRL has noticed or cared.
If you've read this far, sorry about the text wall. Disorganized thoughts I can't really put anywhere else.
Attempted partial hang twice, SI kicked in. Feels pathetic. New habits like bruising formed. It's embarrassing. Can't stop drinking. Dragging my body. Going for SN. Considering CBT 14th of next month or sooner. Wrestling with issues it will cause along with the perception of me, particularly to those I care about, that have done much. They don't deserve it. But on the other hand, people do what's easiest; they've always moved on from me, no reason to change.
You ever reach a point where you just know? Or maybe you realize only after looking back at the crossroad. This time, I can't tell which path I've taken. I don't see a forward, yet a turn has taken place. Can't shake that something died or shifted. Maybe it's the tipping point. For the first time, I'm truly not the person I was. I feel completely warped and overwhelmed. I don't think I can get through this one. Maybe it finally hit that life should have been worth living this entire time.
Hard to face every new day. No matter how hard you try, you're still here. I haven't been eating or sleeping for a couple months now. You don't deserve a life that shits all over you. Caught between wanting the pain to end, and the silver lining that is the few wonderful people I love. They deserve someone better, too. If only I was the person people think I am. No one IRL has noticed or cared.
If you've read this far, sorry about the text wall. Disorganized thoughts I can't really put anywhere else.
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